Quote from: Roni on December 31, 2015, 04:45:55 PM
I suffer from body dysmorphia at the moment; I don't have a clear perception of my identity and have a morphed sense of self/image. ->-bleeped-<- damages my mental condition further because I am not told the truth if I pass or not. Essentially I have to take people's words as truth over what I see in the mirror, because I am told what I see in the mirror isn't what other people really see. You can understand why it is crucial that plain honesty is used when people ask for it.

I'm sorry about that. I dealt with similar issues myself time ago. But I have to remark that if your self perception its not actually matching the reality then people opinions are not likely going to solve that whether they are ->-bleeped-<- you or not.

Proper self perception and image (if needed) is an issue that has to be dealt with therapists, surgeons, etc.

I know the idea of people humoring you seems like its gonna make things worse, but I don't think when your self perception is flawed this really has a significant impact. Besides of that, proper attention to your enviroment and professionals can give you real good and useful feedback.

Also it's important to have in mind what I said before: beauty/aesthethic/passing standards vary largely and wildly. So personal goals do.

I tend to go by what happens in face to face situations, rather than the internet. Most of the time, I am gendered properly. But, there are times where I can tell that people are confused.

Meh....it was it is.

I don't care.

...on a kind of related note to ->-bleeped-<- with passing, what about fashion sense when it comes to passing?

Sometimes I see pictures of girls where the cut and the lines of their clothing doesn't work well with their body type or features? I know everyone has their own fashion taste and I don't want to dog their wardrobe. I do want to help though, it's like seeing a hair clinging on the back of a person's blouse. I have to say "you've got a hair on your shirt," and pick it off for them (I'm so weird)

My sister kind of trained me on what to look for when growing up. She'd help me pick clothes and she'd make me critique hers. It's funny, my ex and some of my old friends would take me to go shopping because I could actually give advice. I loved going!

Like I said not related to passing but is related to how someone looks...

Well, in my case, I dress like a tomboy and a slob. I'm not going to lie about that. I totally suck at applying make up and it's just a pain in the can anyway. (Not to mention it can get expensive) So, I don't bother with that. Maybe that factors in, maybe it doesn't.

Meh.....

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 31, 2015, 04:33:43 PM
We have a Passing subforum. I suggest anyone looking for brutal honesty about their own photos start a thread there and let the members know they want it straight even if it's harsh.   

Hugs, (a box full!) Devlyn 

***crickets***   That's what I thought.   

*swats the crickets*

Shh, too noisy!

I don't pass yet in pictures, and yet in person, I pass very consistently.  Granted I don't pass as an attractive woman (haha), and I think it is mostly thanks to my voice and other cues that don't show up in pictures. 

I have met people who, opposite to my case, actually don't pass in public because of factors that are not captured in pictures, and yet they look like supermodels behind the camera.

I think regardless, unless the person is soliciting critical feedback, it is important to be gentle about whether or not they're passing in a picture, and to make it about what they could do to feminize themselves further to be passable based on the picture they're showing.  Saying simply the person doesn't look feminine, without necessarily pointing out things about them they can augment, or things that are already working for them, is shortchanging them and potentially hurting them too.  Just my $.02.

I loathe the term 'passing' as it's often used in a way that conveys we are somehow trying to pass ourselves off as something we are not. This couldn't be further from the truth. When being and portraying your authentic self you are ALWAYS passing <3<3

I get the perceived necessity of it though, because many in society are transphobic and do see us just as one gender trying to pass ourselves off as the other gender. And there are many cases where transphobic people will cause grief or real harm for us. So I get the use of the term... but I hate it.

And I do wonder if our use of the term only feeds into people's perceptions that we are out to deceive them. So it's almost like a cycle that feeds itself. Isn't there a better way to refer to the feedback one wants than by saying passing? Eg. "Do I look female/male?" or "Do I look like I might get outed and harassed for being trans?"

I dunno, just venting I guess. The we have to deal with...

Love you gals <3

Quote from: Alaia on January 06, 2016, 01:19:20 AM
I loathe the term 'passing' as it's often used in a way that conveys we are somehow trying to pass ourselves off as something we are not. This couldn't be further from the truth. When being and portraying your authentic self you are ALWAYS passing <3<3

I get the perceived necessity of it though, because many in society are transphobic and do see us just as one gender trying to pass ourselves off as the other gender. And there are many cases where transphobic people will cause grief or real harm for us. So I get the use of the term... but I hate it.

And I do wonder if our use of the term only feeds into people's perceptions that we are out to deceive them. So it's almost like a cycle that feeds itself. Isn't there a better way to refer to the feedback one wants than by saying passing? Eg. "Do I look female/male?" or "Do I look like I might get outed and harassed for being trans?"

I dunno, just venting I guess. The we have to deal with...

Love you gals <3

That's beautiful.     

Hugs, Devlyn