I'm a 26 year old male and I've recently had sort of an epiphany about myself and believe myself to be genderfluid or possibly transgender. I've always played female characters in video games and have done extensive roleplaying online as a female, to the point that I was living a dual life. Lots of people play female avatars, but I would play games where I could obsessively design their appearances and clothing (like the sims). I've always enjoyed shopping for clothes and shoes with my girlfriend as well. I also tend to have very feminine mannerisms. I could go on and on, but basically I had an epiphany the other night where I feel as though these actions, and trying to purchase clothing for my girlfriend that I liked, was me living vicariously through these things. At her suggestion, I've tried wearing some of her clothes and it feels like it fits aside from my physical appearance not being very feminine. But I am still filled with feelings of doubt, uncertainty. She believes I am enjoying exploring my gender identity and feel guilty because of my worry of judgement and societal standards. I'm really unsure, it sounds right but I'm feeling a lot of things right now. It'd never occurred to me that I may be transgender before now. I'm unable to afford a therapist at the moment, but I'm really unsure where to go from here because I have no one in my life that is transgender or genderfluid that can talk to me about this.
