Hi there,

I am a 33 year old "male" and I need help.

If I may give some background information about myself.

I grew up with my mum and my older sister, there was no father figure for many years until my mother remarried some years later.

I started wearing girls clothes from a very young age, I would pinch my sisters clothes. This went on for years in secret although I suspect they knew something because when I was in my teens I heard my mum talking to my sister about things being missing from her underwear drawer and soon afterwards a lock appeared on her door.

I have always been quite feminine and have had to force myself to act masculine, I've never had any male friends and don't really seem to connect with activities or hobbies that would be considered masculine.

When I was old enough to move out I did everything I could do live a feminine life, but always in secret, I would order women's clothes online and dress when no one was around.

When I was in my teens I experimented sexually with men and performed oral sex on them and slept with one guy, all of which was a positive experience.

I have had the same girlfriend for almost 11 years now and she is fully aware of my situation and very supportive.

Recently, my feminine feelings, which I have always been able to suppress have become almost unbearable.

All I can think about is how I can alter my body to appear more feminine, I'm looking at pictures of male genitalia and becoming aroused and getting very jealous when I see an attractive woman on TV or when out shopping or something.

I have spoken to my partner about how I feel and she full supports me in any decisions I wish to make.

My partner is bisexual and often jokes that I would make a great woman and that if I had boobs then she would be perfectly happy with that..lol

Anyway, these feelings are causing me a great deal of severe anxiety and I feel that I cannot cope.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Welcome to the club!

I can identify with many of the things you wrote and your thoughts are not that unusual nor is your story. I think many trans people can identify with you.

My suggestion is to seek out a gender therapist and see what they have to say. There is a good chance you may be transgender and I'm certainly in no position to say you definitely are but I'd lean toward that way based upon what you wrote and my own life story.

Feeling uncertain isn't strange even after one begins a transition. I often had doubts about what I was doing but eventually my brain and feelings became totally feminine in my thought patterns and I don't have doubts now. I never wake up thinking I am a woman no more than I woke up pre-transition thinking I'm a man. I am a woman and never have to think about it.

How far you would like to transition if you do, is strictly up to you. Some get the top end done, others both and some not at all. Who you are doesn't really depend on your physical body but more of a mental state of mind.

Good luck with your self explorations and although it's a tough road, for many it turned out to be the right road.

All the best to you.

Love,
Clare

Welcome to Susan's Place. From the basics of your post, you are transgender. The problem is what is your flavor of ->-bleeped-<-. A gender therapist would be a good starting point but for now, the first place to look would be our our Wiki page. It might give you the proper name to identify with. The second place to look is "the transition channel" channel where a therapist will walk you through some of the common information related to the transgender spectrum. After you have looked at both of these, feel free to post to this thread with any questions you might have and I will do my best to help you find the answers you need.

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