Quote from: EmilyRyan on January 09, 2016, 02:33:18 AM
I'm glad to see that it worked out for you that's truly remarkable. 

Ok I hope you can help me answer this:  What kind of job and/or skill can I get/learn for someone that has proven to be unable to work fast paced and in fast paced situations (got let go from two jobs), can't operate a motor vehicle, has tried twice to get a four year degree and failed (though I did get a two year), and is nowhere near mechanically inclined for most trades but is still willing to try just not ones that require anything too complex and nothing that requires the ability to operate a utility vehicle.   

Firstly I had to get over feeling sorry for myself. That was damn hard.

I then worked in Pubs, day and night pulling drinks. Serving meals, cleaning the toilets. I did everything. I earned enough to keep going.

I worked second jobs in cafes, cleaning houses. I walked dogs. I did anything that paid.

What was important is that I built my confidence, even if I did not know it.

I'm about as mechanically orientated as a Barbie Doll. I'm a lousy driver and I have no idea what a
machine is. I have no idea of carpentry, I couldn't lay a brick.

I could and would work in hospitality, aged care (nursing homes).

I pulled drinks and I have no issues with bathing and looking after those who are incontinent and need help.

I did Charity work. Yes in my real bad days when the Black Dog was screaming at me and I was alone I went and worked on the streets with the Simon Community and peeled filthy rags off men and washed them. Held them.

I felt better. This wasn't Charity this was self help. Although I didn't know it at the time; but I was so lonely that a hug from a street man after washing the crap from his bottom and a swig of his poison was a kiss from a friend.

No one owes you a job. Get over that now.
No one owes you a life. Get over that now.

You have everything going for you. I know you don't realise that. But you do.

You could go to your local bar or burger joint today and say. Hi, I need a job, I'll work for nothing to learn the trade. Will you give me a chance? If they do make yourself invaluable, learn. That is your ticket.

Geez, I have no idea where you are. Does your Mum have an iron?

Go and call the neighbours, I'm out of work, I'll do your ironing for $X.

Oh that's not 'man's' work.

Get over it. I'm not a man, I'm a woman, too hard to say - I'm a human being.

Just answer one question. And answer it to yourself, not to me.

How much do I want this?

Then do it.

Quote from: Cindy on January 09, 2016, 03:07:47 AM
I have no idea where you are.

I live in the U.S. in the state of Tennessee in a rural area about an hour away from Nashville nothing but country side where I live and unfortunately don't get to go to Nashville much maybe once or twice a year   I just know that Nashville will probably be the place that saves my life since that's where the clinic I want to go is located thankfully.   

Get to Nashville. It seems like you're stuck in a rut where you are, and it may take starting over to enable you to really get moving.

Get more details about the clinic and what are the costs you can expect per visit. Find out how often you'd be visiting. Most places want quarterly visits your first year. Does that include prescription costs? Find out.

Look into affordable housing options and check your spending. See what you spend on food. See what you spend on extras (internet, phone bill, etc.).

Figure out what you'd need to make to exist in Nashville. If you can, save twice that and move. Or take a loan and move. It's easier to find a job when you're in a place already, and it's easier to go into something knowing that you have to do it for X hours per week in order to pay your rent.

There are all kinds of jobs that don't require much aside from showing up and doing what someone asks you do it. Bus tables. Work in a kitchen. Pick up trash. Clean toilets. Consider an overnight job in a hotel or as a security guard. Very little contact with the public, no experience needed in most cases, very low stress.

Hey there!

This might be a little random, but I hope it possibly helps. I know what it feels like to feel like things will never get better, that you're permanently stuck, and that things just need to end. Ignore these thoughts. It's easier said than done, but it still helps me. I replace the negative with positive, even though it takes a lot of reinforcing.

Have you found a clinic that could help, one where you might not have to pay anything for the appointment? You can actually find most of the medications fairly cheap. But, since it sounds like that's also not an option, you can try the Pharmaceutical Companies differing Patient Assistance Programs (If approved/eligible, they would send you the medicine for free, and you'll need to reapply at set dates to make sure you're still eligible), once you get to the point of being prescribed HRT. A lot of people don't know these programs exist, I use a few different ones myself, due to my current situation.

Anyways, hugs. Try to keep a smile on that face.

-Kara


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I can't recall if you said you have a therapist already or no. Mine was a very sweet girl and knew how to get me headed in the right direction in regards to what step I AM on and which one is next -then where to make it. After I got that day behind me I have been fine no matter what because I know who I am and I love my life even though transition isn't finished yet. After I can restore some kind of cash flow I will see my therapist again and see further progress then.

Quote from: FTMax on January 09, 2016, 09:10:23 AM
Get to Nashville. It seems like you're stuck in a rut where you are, and it may take starting over to enable you to really get moving.

Get more details about the clinic and what are the costs you can expect per visit. Find out how often you'd be visiting. Most places want quarterly visits your first year. Does that include prescription costs? Find out.

Look into affordable housing options and check your spending. See what you spend on food. See what you spend on extras (internet, phone bill, etc.).

Figure out what you'd need to make to exist in Nashville. If you can, save twice that and move. Or take a loan and move. It's easier to find a job when you're in a place already, and it's easier to go into something knowing that you have to do it for X hours per week in order to pay your rent.

There are all kinds of jobs that don't require much aside from showing up and doing what someone asks you do it. Bus tables. Work in a kitchen. Pick up trash. Clean toilets. Consider an overnight job in a hotel or as a security guard. Very little contact with the public, no experience needed in most cases, very low stress.

From what I do know if I can at least make 40k a year I can live almost problem free in Nashville but what job that requires no skills, experience, or even a four year degree gonna pay that much??  I can only hope the new mayor makes due on her promise to make the city more affordable. 

Quote from: Kara.A.I on January 09, 2016, 11:48:52 AM
Hey there!

This might be a little random, but I hope it possibly helps. I know what it feels like to feel like things will never get better, that you're permanently stuck, and that things just need to end. Ignore these thoughts. It's easier said than done, but it still helps me. I replace the negative with positive, even though it takes a lot of reinforcing.

Have you found a clinic that could help, one where you might not have to pay anything for the appointment? You can actually find most of the medications fairly cheap. But, since it sounds like that's also not an option, you can try the Pharmaceutical Companies differing Patient Assistance Programs (If approved/eligible, they would send you the medicine for free, and you'll need to reapply at set dates to make sure you're still eligible), once you get to the point of being prescribed HRT. A lot of people don't know these programs exist, I use a few different ones myself, due to my current situation.

Anyways, hugs. Try to keep a smile on that face.

-Kara


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you for the advice the clinic I want to go to has a sliding scale and I'm hoping that I'm lucky enough to pay at least as little as maybe $50 for doctor visit and bloodwork but if not there's a place in Houston that'll do it for $55 but getting there that's another story

Quote from: Brandii on January 09, 2016, 05:12:55 PM
I can't recall if you said you have a therapist already or no. Mine was a very sweet girl and knew how to get me headed in the right direction in regards to what step I AM on and which one is next -then where to make it. After I got that day behind me I have been fine no matter what because I know who I am and I love my life even though transition isn't finished yet. After I can restore some kind of cash flow I will see my therapist again and see further progress then.

I currently don't have a therapist but I have talked to the college counselor about my issues with wanting to transition, what to do about supporting myself, and the same issue about feeling worthless that I mentioned here on this site.  He's been pretty helpful but unfortunately the college prevents him from being a long term counselor but luckily I can still talk to him if needed.  Another helpful person has been my former psychology instructor she's very pro LGBT and was the first of faculty I came out to.

As soon as the semesters starts up I'm gonna use that entire time to evaluate all possibilities and see what I can actually do.

 

You know I'm listening to you and all I hear is you can't do anything . I spent my entire life in meaningless jobs just to survive. I've made it this far by keep on moving. I have absolutely nothing except a good education. I'm on disability right now and living right on the edge of poverty , but I cope and really can't complain because I can eat and I have a roof over my head. Life is doable . For some of us it's hard , but it's doable. The absolute most important thing for you if you are physically capable is to get any kind of job and move forward. Once you get a job your on your way.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 10, 2016, 12:30:28 AM
You know I'm listening to you and all I hear is you can't do anything . I spent my entire life in meaningless jobs just to survive. I've made it this far by keep on moving. I have absolutely nothing except a good education. I'm on disability right now and living right on the edge of poverty , but I cope and really can't complain because I can eat and I have a roof over my head. Life is doable . For some of us it's hard , but it's doable. The absolute most important thing for you if you are physically capable is to get any kind of job and move forward. Once you get a job your on your way.

I get what you're saying yes I do need to move forward and yes every day and night I'm searching for jobs and even filling out applications to ones that I feel I can do without screwing up.  I wish the skills needed for today's job market came easy to me but they don't and I've researched day and night what I can do to overcome and even talked to a few people at my college including the career counselor and to be honest despite getting some helpful advice after I try their advice for myself I suddenly come up empty and back to square one.

Don't get me wrong yes I have been venting and self loathing for quite awhile now but on the bottom line I'm trying to do the right thing I'm trying to get out of my situation.  Overall I gotta think positive and figure out what I can actually do with a two year degree.

I've gotta agree with Stephanie. Go back and look through everything you've written and replace "can't" with "will". That's the kind of outlook you need to develop to get out of this rut you're in.

And in response to what you'd need to make - I made under $30k out of college and managed to live in Washington DC, which has an excessively high cost of living. I made so little that when the government came asking for student loan payments and looked at how much I made, they made my payments $0 for a year and offered me government assistance. It's not about the circumstances, it's about how much you want to make it happen. You can downsize your lifestyle, make less money, and still live comfortably.

When was the last time you tried to work? It's a bad season to look for it right now for retail jobs, but food service is pretty much always hiring. Go and try. Don't focus on what your degree will allow you to do. A bachelor's today is a high school diploma of the 90s/early 2000s. Even that won't save you from retail/food service/grunt work.

Quote from: FTMax on January 10, 2016, 10:14:41 AM
And in response to what you'd need to make - I made under $30k out of college and managed to live in Washington DC, which has an excessively high cost of living. I made so little that when the government came asking for student loan payments and looked at how much I made, they made my payments $0 for a year and offered me government assistance. It's not about the circumstances, it's about how much you want to make it happen. You can downsize your lifestyle, make less money, and still live comfortably.

When was the last time you tried to work? It's a bad season to look for it right now for retail jobs, but food service is pretty much always hiring. Go and try. Don't focus on what your degree will allow you to do. A bachelor's today is a high school diploma of the 90s/early 2000s. Even that won't save you from retail/food service/grunt work.

Well in that case I guess Nashville wouldn't be too bad and being as progressive as it is I might get better assistance there than where I'm currently at.

And the the last time I had a job was summer of 2015 at a Wal-Mart where I worked in the back helping unload the trucks where unfortunately I was declared "too slow" and was blamed often for the unloading taking too long.  Within two months I was let go but fortunately the general manager felt sorry enough to make it like I quit voluntarily and with the fall semester that was coming up worked out good.  Despite my short comings and my failed efforts to improve I did thankfully proved I had a good work ethic.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on January 09, 2016, 11:08:00 PM
From what I do know if I can at least make 40k a year I can live almost problem free in Nashville but what job that requires no skills, experience, or even a four year degree gonna pay that much??  I can only hope the new mayor makes due on her promise to make the city more affordable. 

The truth is that without skills or experience you will never make that money.  So the answer is to get the skills and experience.

This may be harsh but in reading all your posts I believe that for some reason you have convinced yourself that you are useless and worthless.  That is not true at all but as long as you keep believing it failure will be self fulfilling.

You have to start believing in yourself and then things will improve.  I know that's easier said than done but once you do start believing in yourself things will get better.  Refuse to accept failure.  If you have to try again or try harder then do that.  But if you don't start with seeing yourself as valuable and useful and worth something then nobody else will see it either.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Alrighty I got a dumb question how does someone that has failed as many times as I have get the skills and experience??  Apparently I'm going about it the wrong way or I'm just that clueless.   

If you're still in school then finish that.  If not then that's ok.  Find a job, any job will do to start with.  Keep trying until you get one and in the interviews project a positive and self confident image.  It doesn't matter if you are feeling that.  You just have to make them think you are.  When you get the job make sure you understand what's expected and then bust your butt to do that.  Start with what you can get and then with that on your resume look for something better.

Here's the secret.  As you start to succeed your self confidence will return. You will find out that you have the power over your own destiny.  Take that control now and start running.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I also wanted to post this link for you to look at:

www.udemy.com

It's a great website with a lot of free, do-at-your-own-pace courses in just about everything you can imagine. There are also courses that you pay for, which I'd only recommend if you find something that you enjoy. There are lots of sites like this. If you Google "MOOC", you'll find plenty. It stands for "Massive Open Online Course".

You won't get certifications or degrees or anything like that, but you could gain knowledge and skills outside of a traditional learning or work environment. I'm doing one right now that's helping me build a portfolio of work that I can take to future employers to demonstrate my skills.

It may be something for you to look into and consider while you're job hunting. The IRL job hunt should take precedence, but as someone who needs a way out, you should always be looking to improve and gain new skills. The more things you can do/have knowledge of, the more options you'll have.

How to succeed is pretty simple.
1. No task is beneath you.
2. You are not there to talk, drink coffee or rest as long as there is work to do.
3. If you don't have anything to do, and you boss is around, ask for more work.
4. If your boss isn't around, look for something to do even if it's sweeping the floor.
5. If you don't understand, ask. It's far better to ask than do it wrong.
6. Remember or take notes of everything you have done so you don't have to be told twice.

After the first week or two you should require little or no instruction from your boss unless there is a special project.

Quote from: FTMax on January 10, 2016, 06:40:23 PM
I also wanted to post this link for you to look at:

www.udemy.com

It's a great website with a lot of free, do-at-your-own-pace courses in just about everything you can imagine. There are also courses that you pay for, which I'd only recommend if you find something that you enjoy. There are lots of sites like this. If you Google "MOOC", you'll find plenty. It stands for "Massive Open Online Course".

You won't get certifications or degrees or anything like that, but you could gain knowledge and skills outside of a traditional learning or work environment. I'm doing one right now that's helping me build a portfolio of work that I can take to future employers to demonstrate my skills.

It may be something for you to look into and consider while you're job hunting. The IRL job hunt should take precedence, but as someone who needs a way out, you should always be looking to improve and gain new skills. The more things you can do/have knowledge of, the more options you'll have.

I had no clue anything like that existed thank you

ditto what Dena said

I have another question: What if after all the effort I put in I'm unable to find/get a job what would be my options then??  I'm not trying to be negative it's that I just like to know what can be done if it did come down to truly being doomed to staying jobless and can't afford to do anything about it.  I just like to be prepared for worst case scenarios.     

my first job was in a hot dog stand, then the next one was a cashier in a liquor store, then a gas attendant at a truck stop, then a adobe brick maker, then working on a road crew for the city of Santa Fe NM, then a dish washer, then I worked at a race track as a bus boy.

Quote from: Dena on January 10, 2016, 06:41:07 PM
How to succeed is pretty simple.
1. No task is beneath you.
2. You are not there to talk, drink coffee or rest as long as there is work to do.
3. If you don't have anything to do, and you boss is around, ask for more work.
4. If your boss isn't around, look for something to do even if it's sweeping the floor.
5. If you don't understand, ask. It's far better to ask than do it wrong.
6. Remember or take notes of everything you have done so you don't have to be told twice.

After the first week or two you should require little or no instruction from your boss unless there is a special project.

Also, be sure to purge yourself of the last remnants or your male ego and leave them at the door.
So many times women make better employees and are preferred by many employers because they can use their "feminine" qualities to their advantage. i.e. hard worker, cooperating with other people, being able to say "i'm sorry" to a customer easily and not let your former male ego get in the way.  or empathizing with what the customer must be feeling while you are interacting with them. just to name a few. there are many more.  since you are transitioning, maybe not medically yet, but you feel you are becoming more woman all the time. right?  then lean on your feminine confidence and outlook.