Well I have been on female hormones for over a decade but I can tell you I am still struggling with the idea of having a surgery

I never lost my ability to masturbate...I feel like I really want to rip it off after I masturbate (and I like how it feels, but I don't like how it looks)

and right after I wake up, I still feel like a little "erection",  those are the moments I really want surgery

but when its small and inactive, I feel nothing about it

does anyone feel this way?

There is nothing wrong in being non-op.

My surgeon was quite clear.
Only have the op if YOU want it. It makes no difference to you being female, it makes no difference to anything.

If you have doubts of any kind - don't have the op.

If you are non-op and change your mind you can have it, if you are post-op and change your mind, you are stuck with what you have.

BTW I never discuss if I have or haven't. My genitals are my business, no one else's.

I feel the same way about it. I'm really on the edge of the borderline of yes and no