Hey guys, I'm Kerrigan. I'm a straight transman currently attending college full time and serving in the reserves. I'm hoping to transition and come out after the transgender military ban (hopefully) passes.
For the longest time I just thought I was a butch lesbian, and sometimes I still have my doubts about how trans I actually am. My dislike for my breasts and absolute happiness when I'm gendered male in public repeatedly proves this notion wrong. I remember being in early elementary school and distinctly promising myself that I would "become a boy one day". Going into middle school I ignored and buried the feelings in favor of looking feminine. I met a friend in that period of my life who was a total lesbian, we were both really into cosplay. I always dressed as a man, and she switched between the two. One day she kissed me and that's when I learned that I only really like women. In early high school I had a bit of a mental breakdown and figured out that I was trans, I came out to my mother and she said it was ridiculous and told me to move on. I buried it for the rest of high school while still managing to dress like a total dude. Came out as a lesbian a year after graduating, and now in my sophomore year of college I'm beginning to realize that my freshman year of high school self was correct all along. All of the signs were there growing up, but I ignored the ->-bleeped-<- out of them. Now I am at the very least gender queer, but more likely than not straight up ftm. I have some hold ups about men to include some internalized ->-bleeped-<- from past relationships with men that makes me feel like I wouldn't be able to experience life with a woman like a female to female relationship would feel (intensity and genuine wise). I am somewhat attached to looking on the andro side as well, which gives some doubts. The one thing I am certain of is that I am 100% happier being seen as male, and that is enough for me for now.
Either way, here I am. Trans in some capacity, happy to be alive in this day and age where I have the freedom to become whoever I want. Thanks for having me Susan's Place.
