So to preface, you may remember that I am pre-everything.  My questions is, is it normal to have mood swings like, one minute I can't wait to get on hormones and I want to transition really badly, and other times I'm like ashamed of it, think it's ridiculous and impossible and against nature, like who am I kidding?  I can't get to a therapist until February, but rest assured, it's on my to do list and will happen.  I just want to know if any of you struggled with these doubts?

That was normal for me for a long time.  Over time though the doubts faded.  Talking to a therapist helps although I think the biggest help is simply deep introspection.  Why do the doubts arise?  Is it because you are repelled by the thought of transition?  Is it rather that transition seems like such a huge mountain enveloped in fog with unknown pitfalls?  Is it maybe something else?  You have that answer within yourself; you just have to honestly uncover it.  I think figuring that out will be the key to understanding the mood swings.


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Hi!

     Only you will know your truth and that may take some time to figure out. In my experience, for a long time I was jealous of people who were so sure they needed to transition. I went back and forth for such a long time. I have come to realize that the shame and self denial caused by wanting to please the world very often caused me to doubt that I could be transgender. For me,  I had to accept myself. Once I started to do that, I kind of watched myself as I took steps in my transition. Each step I took made me feel better. If progress was threatened, I felt anxious.
     My advise is to not put a lot of pressure on yourself. Take some steps, see how it feels. There is no replacing real life experience for helping to figure things out. I don't think these feelings ever go away for many people. Running never worked for me. You are not alone in having doubts.
     Good luck finding your path.
Moni

Yes, the topics of mine were different though. I would cry because I have to be on pills for the rest of my life and question if it was worth it. I took my first dosage 1 year ago next Tuesday and I remember sitting in my car in a pharmacy parking lot looking at the pills like they were cyanide capsules. But then everything worked out and I'm doing a lot better, I feel.

Perfectly normal. You are not alone, rest assure.

Oh this is so normal.  I wrestled with these mood swings for months, starting from the time when I started recognizing my dysphoria till almost the start of HRT.  I had so many worries. 

Part of my dilemma was that I didn't feel my experiences were similar to what I had thought were a lot of trans people's experiences.  But the more I talked to trans people, the more I realized every person had a different way of reaching the conclusion that they were trans, and that dysphoria or the need to transition was felt differently by each person.  You are not alone! <3

Also keep reminding yourself that it's okay to try HRT for a short period to see how it feels for you.  Don't feel like you have to 'commit' to anything until you're fully ready.  You're only accountable to yourself and your comfort