Ugh! 😩
It's been a rotten day. None of my friends are free to talk and my next therapy appointment is over a month away.

Feelings of wrongness and dysphoria are hard to deal with today. My brain keeps rejecting the messages sent by parts of my body because it doesn't think they should exist.

I'm also a week into my second cycle of MPA, so I'm feeling down and emotional but that's actually helping a bit because this is a cut-down period and at the same time it's not helping because I know it's only a cut-down period and not what cisgirls get 😢

The knowledge that in Australia health insurance won't cover gender correction surgery because it's considered cosmetic surgery, it costs about $30,000Aud, and because I was born in the backwards state of South Australia I can't get the gender identifier on my birth certificate changed unless/until I've had the surgery 😠 and even then it's still at least a year and a half away

Add all that together and I'm feeling a bit depressed and I've had a couple of thoughts about self harm but I'm not going to follow through on them because it could prevent me from having a successful surgery or results 😭

On top of all that I've had a couple of bad dating experiences and just feel lonely

Sarah,

I am so sorry you are having a lousy day. I don't think I can really help you except sharing encouragement. It is a long hard path we travel. I hope you can find some distractions and either turn your day around or wake up to  new one tomorrow.

I can offer a shoulder to lean or cry on. However, it is pretty late(so late it's early) and I am nodding off. So I need to get some sleep.

Sending thoughts of love, acceptance and a smooth journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

Thanks Joanna,
I know there is not much anyone can do 😔
I'll just have to wait it out, I may feel better tomorrow 😌
You are right, this is a had path we walk, but so far it has been easier than the hiding and lying of before 😊 and the self harm thoughts are nowhere near as strong as the suicidal ideation I suffered then
Thank you for your encouragement again Joanna, I'll get through 😊
Hugs,
Sarah