ok so lately ive been really down and depressed thinking about the odds and prospects of me finding a husband and getting married which is something ive always wanted.. ive been on a lot of dates mostly with trans attracted men as I don't think trying to pass myself off as a cis girl would be a good idea at all...but basically even if we both seem to like each other and go on a few dates it always fades out or doesn't work out...I did have one somewhat long term relationsip with a guy who was kinda a jerk...but basically I need hope as I rarely ever hear of transsexual women who have married men so have any of you been able to find a husband and if so do you have any tips or advice as to how you met them or how to find genuine people who will stick around? Also as far as srs goes it will be a long time if I do end up getting it do to the cost and I really don't want my chances of getting a husband to be based on whether I can afford that surgery...so have any of you found a husband or long term boyfriend and if so any advice?

honestly, from my vantage point , your young and very attractive, I don't see you as having a problem finding someone. I know being trans seems to be a huge mountain to climb,  but I believe it's very doable.

I left it too late, I'm 58, the only single guys are called Malcolm & bachelor trainspotters who live with their Mum. Or a Dexter....

Quote from: Annabolton on January 23, 2016, 03:01:42 PM
rarely ever hear of transsexual women who have married men

Lynn Conway, Nikki Araguz Loyd and Janet Mock all married men. Lynn was even married to a woman and had a kid before. And these are basically public figures. I'm sure many more privately have married men.

Maybe there is something else at play besides being trans. A lot of men look for more than just looks (even though sex is on the mind of a lot of men) and you are pre op right? Maybe post op you will have better luck, if you plan to be post op one day. It is going to be a struggle pre op but not impossible.

I feel that way sometimes...
I can see how that would be a worry to you.. especially as you are young..
There is that right guy for you.. for now work on being the best you that you can be.  Work on yourself, live your dreams.. do what you like.. just live. Don't count on others for your happiness.. Be happy.. and you will be a magnet to others.
I will be post Op soon... actually next month, I think at that point it will be easier....

Congrats on your transition.... Live and love girl.. life is wonderful.
Keri

My two cents (being non-op girl on long-term relationship):

-Appearance, appearance, appearance: Beauty is *never* enough. Guys really like girly chicks, so don't be shy on this one. They tend to like very feminine girls: flawless makeup, nice hairdos, very feminine attire, etc. Being diligent on your looks always rewards.

- Interests in common: Unlikely to go farther than a very few dates if there are no interests in common. This would come in handy when planning dates too. Look for people who can share interests and try to do activities related to this interests with them. For example, if you like running, going outdoors to run with him couple of days a week would help to build ties between the two. Same for any other activity.

- Plans/expectations in common: If they don't talk or don't want to talk about this, red flag. It's not about talking in your first date about how many children you want to have and how you would like to name then, but things like plans and expectations about the future and about the relationship need to come in and need to be shared.

- Confidence: Needy/eager girls scare most guys. If them perceive you as a confident person who has many options and who has no special interest in getting attached to the first guy that pops out, then you're gonna have plenty more odds to look even more appealing to them. If they perceive you "need to" have a boyfriend and you "want it so bad" they're gonna run away. You need to irradiate this kind of aura: "well I'm open to meet somebody but there's no big deal to me, I'm getting hit by guys constantly... so meh, it gets even boring sometimes".

- Facts facts facts: Disregard promises and nice words. They cost nothing. Only facts matter. If somebody proofs his intentions through facts, it's ok. If not, don't waste your time, move on. If they are not willing to invest a little from the beginning, move on.

- Patience: It's gonna take you a good time to find somebody worth. It takes time to everybody. Most of those kind of relationships "meet today, we're engaged next week" don't last more than a couple of years at best. Finding somebody takes plenty of time, and plenty of time is neither days nor weeks, its months or years, so take it as easy as you can.

I saw this post last night and I wasn't going to comment on it but after more thinking I decided I might have something that could help you.

Women out number men and the natural behavior of men tends to open this gap even more. As such you have become aggressive in a feminine way in order to locate a guy that is worthy of you.

Many men are shy so you may need to open the conversation with small chat. Ask about the weather, admire something about their appearance or in a work environment, maybe a comment about work. This will let the man know you have recognized them as a person and you are approachable. You are very attractive and as such a guy might figure you are already taken or wouldn't talk to somebody like them.

Go to a target rich environment. This could mean church, do charity work or even a car show if you have the same interest. My parents met in a ball room as they shared a common interest in dancing. Be careful about bars because often men in those locations are more interested in one night stands rather than long term relationships.

Men like talking about themselves so try not to dominate the conversation but you can still lead it by asking questions. After the ice melts, the conversation should become more equal but at first, make it about the guy. If the guy has a strong interest in you, he will want to make it about you as well.

Don't be in a big rush to find a husband because many of the people won't be a good match for you. You want somebody would you will want to live a life time with.

I felt the same way a few months ago.  It passed.  I realized there was still a lot that I needed to do to make myself happy and there's definitely room for personal growth.  I feel like I need to be alone, but I don't want to be alone.  Quite the conundrum.  Sucks.

You're 20.  Lots 'n lots of time to adjust.  Become accomplished and successful on your own first and foremost; people will be attracted to that and you'd be surprised at what you'll find.

I'm 58. I was married for 10 years. I've been divorced for 5. In this time I have not been in a relationship. Probably the longest time I've been single. I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not in a rush to just meet anyone. Also, I'm not into guys at all. I realize that makes things even trickier. It's hard enough to meet people when you get older.

But don't worry about getting married. Focus on yourself. And when you meet someone you get along with you will be ready. If you focus on just wanting to get married you will likely pick the wrong person. You really don't want to do that. It sucks more than being single.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

In my personal situation, I honestly don't know if I'll be married again. But I wouldn't mind it.

However while I do get a lot of men who are into me, a lot of them are just plain creeps and already married!

But I have no problems at all with confidence and guys like that.

you will not find quality in a bar....

Also not online either I think. I have more luck in social stuff I do, conferences etc. dealing with professional stuff and hobbies.

Quote from: RitaChans on January 25, 2016, 07:07:08 AM
you will not find quality in a bar....

You can depending on the kind of bar. It's not likely but you never know.

Online can work for us younger peeps especially if you're lgbtq

Hi,

Wednesday's post was spot on.

Have fun being yourself.  Happy people are attractive to the people one want to marry.

Hugs,

Jen

Hi Anna - It is very possible for you to meet and marry regardless of your preop nature. Do not let it get you down and just enjoy being you.  As others have stated, just be the most positive self you can be and you will eventually attract what you seek.  It's always been my experience that love happens when you are least looking for it. I've been married three times - at 18 to a marine and lived at Camp LeJeune base housing (it was beyond fun and to this day I thank him for Me), at 26 to a banker, and finally at the age of 42 the Love of My Life - the one who is that missing part of me and makes my heart sing just to be with him. Together we raised a beautiful son. 

You are young and have a lot to look forward to -- just enjoy life and the experiences which will come your way.   Oh and before I forget, I am preop.  It has never been a problem with regard to men.

No joke, you should be a relationship counselor. Amazing advice again along with details.
Thanks again Wednesday, it truly helped this girl over here 

xoxo

Quote from: Wednesday on January 24, 2016, 11:58:16 AM
My two cents (being non-op girl on long-term relationship):

-Appearance, appearance, appearance: Beauty is *never* enough. Guys really like girly chicks, so don't be shy on this one. They tend to like very feminine girls: flawless makeup, nice hairdos, very feminine attire, etc. Being diligent on your looks always rewards.

- Interests in common: Unlikely to go farther than a very few dates if there are no interests in common. This would come in handy when planning dates too. Look for people who can share interests and try to do activities related to this interests with them. For example, if you like running, going outdoors to run with him couple of days a week would help to build ties between the two. Same for any other activity.

- Plans/expectations in common: If they don't talk or don't want to talk about this, red flag. It's not about talking in your first date about how many children you want to have and how you would like to name then, but things like plans and expectations about the future and about the relationship need to come in and need to be shared.

- Confidence: Needy/eager girls scare most guys. If them perceive you as a confident person who has many options and who has no special interest in getting attached to the first guy that pops out, then you're gonna have plenty more odds to look even more appealing to them. If they perceive you "need to" have a boyfriend and you "want it so bad" they're gonna run away. You need to irradiate this kind of aura: "well I'm open to meet somebody but there's no big deal to me, I'm getting hit by guys constantly... so meh, it gets even boring sometimes".

- Facts facts facts: Disregard promises and nice words. They cost nothing. Only facts matter. If somebody proofs his intentions through facts, it's ok. If not, don't waste your time, move on. If they are not willing to invest a little from the beginning, move on.

- Patience: It's gonna take you a good time to find somebody worth. It takes time to everybody. Most of those kind of relationships "meet today, we're engaged next week" don't last more than a couple of years at best. Finding somebody takes plenty of time, and plenty of time is neither days nor weeks, its months or years, so take it as easy as you can.

Quote from: Wednesday on January 24, 2016, 11:58:16 AM
My two cents (being non-op girl on long-term relationship):

-Appearance, appearance, appearance: Beauty is *never* enough. Guys really like girly chicks, so don't be shy on this one. They tend to like very feminine girls: flawless makeup, nice hairdos, very feminine attire, etc. Being diligent on your looks always rewards.

- Interests in common: Unlikely to go farther than a very few dates if there are no interests in common. This would come in handy when planning dates too. Look for people who can share interests and try to do activities related to this interests with them. For example, if you like running, going outdoors to run with him couple of days a week would help to build ties between the two. Same for any other activity.

- Plans/expectations in common: If they don't talk or don't want to talk about this, red flag. It's not about talking in your first date about how many children you want to have and how you would like to name then, but things like plans and expectations about the future and about the relationship need to come in and need to be shared.

- Confidence: Needy/eager girls scare most guys. If them perceive you as a confident person who has many options and who has no special interest in getting attached to the first guy that pops out, then you're gonna have plenty more odds to look even more appealing to them. If they perceive you "need to" have a boyfriend and you "want it so bad" they're gonna run away. You need to irradiate this kind of aura: "well I'm open to meet somebody but there's no big deal to me, I'm getting hit by guys constantly... so meh, it gets even boring sometimes".

- Facts facts facts: Disregard promises and nice words. They cost nothing. Only facts matter. If somebody proofs his intentions through facts, it's ok. If not, don't waste your time, move on. If they are not willing to invest a little from the beginning, move on.

- Patience: It's gonna take you a good time to find somebody worth. It takes time to everybody. Most of those kind of relationships "meet today, we're engaged next week" don't last more than a couple of years at best. Finding somebody takes plenty of time, and plenty of time is neither days nor weeks, its months or years, so take it as easy as you can.

Appearance count i agree, confidence too but nothing appeal a guy more than a shy girl who know when to shut up and listen. Never start dating and saying "oh we can begin by being friends" guys dont have same kind of friendship in mind and you will change category in his mind.

Quote from: RitaChans on January 25, 2016, 07:07:08 AM
you will not find quality in a bar....

I agree with that quote, but mostly I have something more Important to say, I have been with a man 5 years and he wants to get married . I will tell you what is the most important part.

Men chase and eventually want to marry a woman who is secure in herself and has self confidence. Don't be overly nice and spend all your time being pretty, although it might seem men want this, they don't. They like a woman with her own life, with her own ambitions and ideals. Men appreciate being told things as they are and not being babied too much. If you are out to please a man, they will see it as a weakness, and they will enjoy it , but it will not make them get hooked on you. Have your own opinions. Your own life, your career, your things, your aspirations. Share ideals with him. Let your personality shine. Do not dim your personality for a man, many of my cis friends are too accomodating with the men in their lives and end up never getting married because the man doesn't think he needs to marry them they will "stay anyway" she will "never leave".

I don't know if I'm being clear here. But you won't believe the amount of men who ask me out on dates and let me know they're into me to please give them a chance if I leave my man, they tell me they need me and they would treat me good and all that jazz, my BF keeps talking about getting married and I just yawn when he says it, yes! Literally. Why, he hasn't proposed properly and I don't entertain that type of talk. And believe it or not I am considering wether I would marry him because he might not be up to the standard of a husband. He's caring, he works hard, he's a manager, he's a big muscly guy, he's funny, drives a beemer loves my cats. You would think he's perfect, but once in a while he gets cranky and I think he could be slightly more romantic.

Some of you might think I'm a bitch and I'm crazy and that's absolutely not so, I am nice as pie, I love my BF and I do sweet things for him sometimes, but I love myself and I speak my mind and if I agree with him I say so if I don't I say so. Men love women with their own personality. I am a happy go lucky girl and I have my own life and career and I know I could be OK if he wasn't here. That's the type of woman men want to anchor down, the kind that can drift away, this applies to all women.

You're worried about if a man will ever ask you to marry him, I'm worried about if my BF is up to the standard I want in a husband. That, is the difference. I don't know how old you are either, but if you're anything younger than 25 enjoy life and don't worry about marriage yet.

Either way best of luck to ya.

Quote from: April_TO on January 26, 2016, 10:45:49 AM
No joke, you should be a relationship counselor. Amazing advice again along with details.
Thanks again Wednesday, it truly helped this girl over here 

xoxo

Thanks again to ya! Wednesday: the new Doctor Love It sounds like lots of fun!

xoxo

Lol I was thinking about expanding on the confidence issue (just for clarity reasons) but I think calicarly nailed it like totally.

Anyway, just for clarification too, acting the way calicarly says doesn't mean to tell the guy things so bluntly. It's just your attitude, and it has to be deduced/concluded by him. She pointed it clearly, you can be nice as a pie and at the same time keep status quo on your favor, and let him conclude that *he is who needs you* and not otherwise.