Passing vs people not caring you're TG

Kova V · January 24, 2016, 12:18:11 PM

So, usually I can tell the difference between when people are being polite when I don't pass and when I do pass and I'm not clocked. I had a very strange experience last night, I'm 99% sure I was clocked but people didn't care. I didn't get any awkward smiles, people didn't ask me any stupid questions or make any rude but innocent comments. It was really weird for me. I kept expecting some kind of weird interaction but it never happened. I was just another trans girl in the crowd. I don't know how to feel about that, so I thought I'd post about it.

barbie · January 24, 2016, 12:27:36 PM

Quote from: Kova V on January 24, 2016, 12:18:11 PM
So, usually I can tell the difference between when people are being polite when I don't pass and when I do pass and I'm not clocked. I had a very strange experience last night, I'm 99% sure I was clocked but people didn't care. I didn't get any awkward smiles, people didn't ask me any stupid questions or make any rude but innocent comments. It was really weird for me. I kept expecting some kind of weird interaction but it never happened. I was just another trans girl in the crowd. I don't know how to feel about that, so I thought I'd post about it.

In the modern period, most people are too busy doing their own works and obligations to pay any special attention to you. Most people here pay far more attention to their smartphone screen than to me whatever I wear.

barbie~~

gennee · January 24, 2016, 02:04:58 PM

I'm just another woman going about life.

HappyMoni · January 24, 2016, 09:29:13 PM

I am fairly new to attempting to pass. I recently attended a party. Some people knew that I was transgendered, others did not know my situation. I felt very comfortable with those who knew. No one treated me oddly in any way, but I kept being bothered by how I was perceived by the other people. I wanted to be perceived as female or trans. If they thought I was an effeminate male, that would really bother me as that is not how I see myself (no offense meant to anyone). My wife said I looked classy. I would like to relax a bit and just accept this appraisal, but I don't have the confidence yet. Isn't that what this subject boils down to? Does one have enough confidence to just do their own thing and let the chips fall where they may. For me, not yet, but I will get there. I'll push until I do.
Moni

barbie · January 25, 2016, 11:51:56 AM

Quote from: HappyMoni on January 24, 2016, 09:29:13 PM
I am fairly new to attempting to pass. I recently attended a party. Some people knew that I was transgendered, others did not know my situation. I felt very comfortable with those who knew. No one treated me oddly in any way, but I kept being bothered by how I was perceived by the other people. I wanted to be perceived as female or trans. If they thought I was an effeminate male, that would really bother me as that is not how I see myself (no offense meant to anyone). My wife said I looked classy. I would like to relax a bit and just accept this appraisal, but I don't have the confidence yet. Isn't that what this subject boils down to? Does one have enough confidence to just do their own thing and let the chips fall where they may. For me, not yet, but I will get there. I'll push until I do.
Moni

Most people I interact with everyday do not care about my gender identity or appearance. They just focus on what I do and say. Of course, some people comment or joke on my new fashion items, but that is not the main agenda.

barbie~~

suzifrommd · January 25, 2016, 01:07:33 PM

At my workplace, my church, and in the various organizations I belong to, there is no passing/non-passing, since everyone knows I transitioned. Yet nearly everyone treats me with respect and sees me totally as a woman.

It's the way decent respectful people act.

Kova V · January 25, 2016, 01:30:53 PM

I think I struggle with this because my goal is to pass 100% of the time and right now I don't. And I always am paranoid about what people would do/say to me, especially the macho guys.

It was strange for me to go to a "regular" bar (not a gay bar), for people to recognize I'm trans, not care and have regular conversations with me all night long without giving me funny looks or even bringing it up. Is this what "acceptance" from strangers feels like? Its so strange, like an uncomfortable "warm & fuzzy" feeling. I guess I'm just not used to being accepted?

I guess this is something I should talk with my therapist about...

KathyLauren · January 25, 2016, 03:23:05 PM

Last year, I was at a science symposium where the keynote talk was given by a non-passable trans-woman. I listened in on some of the conversation in the lobby afterwards, and, you know what? Not one person mentioned the speaker's gender. All people were talking about was what a great presentation it had been.

Like Suzi says, It's the way decent respectful people act.

barbie · January 26, 2016, 12:23:58 AM

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 25, 2016, 03:23:05 PM
Last year, I was at a science symposium where the keynote talk was given by a non-passable trans-woman.

BTW, that trans-woman was me?

barbie~~

KathyLauren · January 26, 2016, 06:19:50 AM

Quote from: barbie on January 26, 2016, 12:23:58 AM
BTW, that trans-woman was me?

barbie~~

No, not you, Barbie. You are very passable!

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Passing vs people not caring you're TG