I spent the past hour retaking the same 2 minute video blog about starting my "documentary". Its not trans related at the moment, but it will eventually get there. Its for youtube.

I am afraid of my family discovering my channel that I am about to make, but really, I doubt they would. But the chance is still there.

I really want to start video blogging though and get pass my fear. To be honest, I watch myself and its cringe worthy but if thats me... Thats me. I could go all day all my looks alone... Never realize how assymetrical my eyes seem in person.

Im struggling with courage myself at the moment... I wish I had an answer

When I came out to my family as transgender I did it by doing small things, painting my toe nails, wearing pink, a lot of different things. Call it denial or whatnot but my family didn't pick up on the cues, being a family of mostly men they probably didn't want to hear it. I finally flat out said I was transgender and they laughed and didn't believe me. In fact it took them a few months before they believed me. I spent a couple months answering their questions, being humiliated and told things like I was going to hell as my family is very fundamental Christian. Yet they still didn't believe me...

Eventually about 3 months on HRT after not seeing my family for some time we all decided to do a family portrait. Thats the first time they saw me in a dress, with makeup on, using a female voice and allowing my natural feminine body language to take over. After that point they started realizing I was serious. Fast forward a few more months, I transitioned at work and went full time, updated my name and legal information and so on. They finally realized I was serious about it all.

It is difficult, it is embarrassing, you will cry before, during and after you tell them. But you will be okay and you will move on and realize its not that big of a deal.

If anything my advice is to just jump in, its like swimming in a cold lake, you can rationalize the courage all day but it almost takes a certain degree of insanity to just jump and and let everything else take care of itself. Best of luck.

 

Having courage isn't about being fearless. You can be scared to wits end and still display courage by simply moving forward. It's okay to be afraid but don't let it hold you back from being who you are. If you're afraid of loved ones finding your channel you can still take your video blogs. Just keep them on a flash drive that stays with you (think keychain), so that it can't get in the wrong hands. When you feel like you're ready to accept the possibility of coming out to them, then you'll still have the option to upload your videos. There's no rush to do anything before you're ready.
It's only normal to be afraid, however you can't let fear cripple the beauty inside you into hiding.
Continue moving forwards and don't look back.
We live now, not yesterday, and not tomorrow.
Before long you may see the courage you need was always with you.