Hi,

I don't usually post my problems (I'm the type of person that hates to put their problems on anywhere else), but I'm confused about an encounter that a coworker had.

As a preface I should mention that she is a bit backward and doesn't fully understand what being transsexual entails even on a basic level. She thought (and may still think) for the longest time that I was a gay guy that crossdressed. I can't get it through her head that I'm a woman and that I'm interested in straight men.

This leads into the situation I'm talking about. She had someone approach her at a local grocery store and ask about me saying I was cute and he would like to meet me. The thing is, he specifically mentioned to her that he was gay. I'm completely confused by this. Do I really look that much like a guy that he would assume that's what I was? If not, why would someone that is attracted to men/masculine people be interested in me? My other thought would be was it this oblivious coworker that intimated that I'm interested in gay men? She didn't act like that's what happened, but I'd doubt she would even if that was the case.

I'm just confused by all this and it's bothering me. I didn't think it would, but it is. Idk maybe I'm just ranting. Thanks for reading anyway.


~Evelyn

My first guess is that he thought his saying  "I'm gay"  would reduce any back and forth about you being Trans with the person in the middle?

If the guy in question knows your friend, and gets that she doesn't have deep understanding of these concepts, he probably just thought it was an easier path than teaching a lesson.

Well there is gay and then there are so many shades of reality when describing what that actually means.  For some of us the labels of LGBTQIA are still inadequate to describe us.  I have known self described gay men and lesbian women who have at one time been married and in a straight partnered relationship where they produced children.  For some people the term gay or lesbian is not technically applied but is political.  I know plenty of straight guys who have had private sex with men but would never consider themselves bi, pan or gay.  Plenty of gay and lesbian people may have a straight  interest but don't brag about to their L/G friends.

There is spectrum for orientation just as there is for gender.  How gay are they?  I know of gold star lesbians too.  That is a term applied to women who have never been with a man.  Just saying he is gay does not preclude interest in you.  Similarly many people here have straight cisgender spouses that do not consider themselves gay or lesbian because they still love and are intimate with their partners after transition.  Ahh, the fresh faces of diversity

I'd say that considering the way you described your friend it's quite possible that she referred to you as gay just because all her synapsis aren't functioning.

Quote from: Tessa James on January 26, 2016, 04:12:32 PM
Well there is gay and then there are so many shades of reality when describing what that actually means.  For some of us the labels of LGBTQIA are still inadequate to describe us.  I have known self described gay men and lesbian women who have at one time been married and in a straight partnered relationship where they produced children.  For some people the term gay or lesbian is not technically applied but is political.  I know plenty of straight guys who have had private sex with men but would never consider themselves bi, pan or gay.  Plenty of gay and lesbian people may have a straight  interest but don't brag about to their L/G friends.

There is spectrum for orientation just as there is for gender.  How gay are they?  I know of gold star lesbians too.  That is a term applied to women who have never been with a man.  Just saying he is gay does not preclude interest in you.  Similarly many people here have straight cisgender spouses that do not consider themselves gay or lesbian because they still love and are intimate with their partners after transition.  Ahh, the fresh faces of diversity

I suppose I didn't think of it as him being intentionally obtuse about it just to avoid a more detailed explanation, so that a possibility. I realize that the orientation spectrum is just as diverse as gender, it's just that I've had to deal with this coworker getting everything wrong and being very blunt about her misinformation as if it's a fact of life that perhaps I've become a bit defensive about people putting me in a category that I don't identify with. I shouldn't be like that, but this woman is a real handful. I feel like she's someone that never learned any social etiquette or manners and as a result acts like a spoiled 6 year old. I guess if anyone else had come to me with this information it might not have affected me quite so badly.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 26, 2016, 04:18:56 PM
I'd say that considering the way you described your friend it's quite possible that she referred to you as gay just because all her synapsis aren't functioning.

Lol, that's exactly how she seems to most people. I hate to say these things about someone, but it's just so much to deal with on a day to day basis. I guess this turned into a rant about my coworker more than anything.


~Evelyn

Looking at your avatar i wouldnt guess your anything but female. The guy may be well versed in trans thing, guessed you may be trans and hoped you were bi. Hard to say, but like i said based off the avatar, id say your fine.

It's easy to get hung up on labels, particularly when you run into folks who really aren't knowledgeable about gender identity.  I know that when I was in high school, most folks would have described me as gay, because I liked guys and sometimes dressed in girls' clothing.  Inside, I knew there was more going on, but to a casual observer from the outside, the interpretation that I was gay wasn't unreasonable.  It just happened to be wrong.  So don't get too hung up on labels.  Lots of stuff shifts around during transition anyway.