I'm curious to know what each of you here experienced when deciding to transition. Was it an easy decision, or were there things that made the decision difficult?

To tell you a little about myself I am currently not transitioning, but I'm planning to start this summer. I have always had low T problems and it has caught up to me in terms of weight, so I'm on T currently to try and boost my metabolism and burn off some pounds. (Good thing about synthetic T is it will help shrink my testicals and make future T production naturally lower)

I have come to the realization that deep down I am a female, & that I have always desired to have a body to match what my brain and emotions are telling me. The problem is, there are many things that are making the decision to let go of my male body difficult. For example, while I have always been "soft" emotionally (I cried during a move just the other night), I have always liked many of the aspects of having a male body. For example, I have always enjoyed sports, working on cars, hiking, camping, & just getting dirty in general. I never presented myself as an effeminate male, since I never saw my body in that way. I guess I'm just a tomboy at heart

The other thing that gives me hesitation in deciding to go all the way with my transition is I'm just now making headway in my chosen career field, & someday I have dreams of working for the government in a high level position, or potentially running for office.

I feel that while my body should match the inner me, doing so would limit what i could accomplish in my lifetime. If being forced to continue presenting myself as a male is the only way that I can accomplish something great, that's a sacrifice I might be willing to make, especially if it puts me in a position to help further the aspirations of other transgender men & women.

At this point I have pretty much decided to give hrt a 3-6 month trial run, but I'm not sure if I should just stick to a low dose over a period of time to minimize the effects of lack of estrogen, or just stop cold turkey after 3-6 months. I'm not worried about my T levels being a problem. My doctor has diagnosed me with having T for many years (last reading was 195), & I know testicular atrophy will cause that drop even lower. I do understand that after 3-6 months there will be things that will not go away when I stop taking estrogen (breasts), but I also understand that unless I experience some massive breast growth, I should be able to continue presenting myself as a man, even after being on estrogen for up to 6 months.

What would you ladies suggest I do in terms of full time vs part time transitioning?

Hugs & Kisses,
Dana

You are really the only person who can make that decision for yourself. Just as you have your list of pros and cons, so have all of us at some time had to weigh up our individual benefits and sacrifices. There will always be some of both and how they all balance out can never be discerned until transition is actually well underway. If you had told me three years ago I could be living happily as a woman I would have laughed mockingly and disbelievingly at you. Anyway, it's always a case of taking it one step at a time. Three years ago I couldn't have gotten to where I am now in one fell swoop... it took three years with many incremental decisions and actions and changes (both physical, emotional and fashion wise) along the way.

I sense that you have presented to us the reasons why you should not transition.

To decide to go ahead is not a rational decision based on pros and cons, it is a decision you feel compelled to make regardless of what reason might say.  If you do not feel that compulsion, do not start.

All of your career goals can be as easily accomplished by women as by men.  If you do not think so then you should not put yourself in what you perceive to be a weaker position.  I appreciate your long range planning, but regardless of gender it is what you are going to do in the next five years that really counts, and will determine how far you get in a career.

After 6 months on HRT, it is not that you cannot go back -- you will not want to go back.  By that time you will have been able to glimpse a world that I suspect you not now know exists, and you will want to move forward within that world regardless.

This is the time to listen to your heart, not your head.  There is never a rational reason for transitioning -- you just must do it to retain your sanity, or you do not feel that compulsion.  Just being curious about the other side of the gender divide without feeling the real need to make the switch is not a good enough reason to start down that road.

Quote from: XKimX on January 31, 2016, 05:27:28 PM

After 6 months on HRT, it is not that you cannot go back -- you will not want to go back.  By that time you will have been able to glimpse a world that I suspect you not now know exists, and you will want to move forward within that world regardless.

This is the time to listen to your heart, not your head.  There is never a rational reason for transitioning -- you just must do it to retain your sanity, or you do not feel that compulsion.  Just being curious about the other side of the gender divide without feeling the real need to make the switch is not a good enough reason to start down that road.

Whew.... this is exactly what I needed to hear today, thank you

Transitioning was both the hardest and the easiest decision I have ever made. It was easy from the standpoint that it was transition or die. It was difficult because of the possibility of losing everything that was dear to me. The carnage from my transition wasn't pretty, but if I were presented with the same circumstances a second time, I'd probably do it all over again.


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In terms of women being capable of the same things as men I completely agree. I do not feel that women are the "weaker" sex & apologize if that is the impression I left you with. What I meant was that when you transition and people see you as a transgender woman, a part of their brain that was willing to listen to you and what you have to say shuts down. Human reason & logic can't make it past someone who is completely unwilling to consider your point of view. By going all the way with a transition, I would place myself in a position where I would be limiting the audience I could reach. Not exactly beneficial to someone who wants a life in the public eye.

I guess what I was trying to say is that I'm considering a part time transition with low does estrogen, not a full transition. I do get what you were saying though about seeing things in a different light.

I think one of my biggest fears is that once I stop I will be so happy, I won't be able to bring myself to stop without being miserable afterwards.

It's not that I care what people think of me, its just that I have people that depend on me, & I can't let them down. Not without experiencing considerable guilt.

I have spent this whole week unable to stayed focused, sleep, or function properly thinking about this. It just seems that it took me 35 years to put it all together and come to this conclusion. I am a woman on the inside. It just seems that maybe I found myself too late to make a full transition, without potentially blowing up everything I have built to this point.

Thanks to each of you for positing and providing your insight. I'm finding that this road to discovery is a bumpy one, & it's not full of the easiest decisions to make

Quote from: allisonsteph on January 31, 2016, 05:54:07 PM
Transitioning was both the hardest and the easiest decision I have ever made. It was easy from the standpoint that it was transition or die. It was difficult because of the possibility of losing everything that was dear to me. The carnage from my transition wasn't pretty, but if I were presented with the same circumstances a second time, I'd probably do it all over again.


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I think that's what makes this all so difficult for me. If I had started transitioning in my 20's when I first felt these emotions, things would have been less complicated. Now that I have waited so long, carnage seems to be the only outcome of a decision to transition full time.

I have a daughter that I care about deeply, & a wife that while we are not sexually intimate, I do care about her on a personal level.

If I could spare either of them the pain that would potentially come from a full time transition, then I would choose their well being over my own.

The only possible solution that doesn't leave anyone hurt is a part time transition. I'm thinking at this point I can transition enough that the effects can be blamed off on testicular atrophy, & quitting my testosterone injections.

From what I have read, hiding anything above a b cup will be impossible, so depending on how well estrogen takes to my body and breasts grow, I might not be on it long.

You can be transgender without transitioning, too. It's all about finding the place where you're comfortable. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 31, 2016, 06:39:52 PM
You can be transgender without transitioning, too. It's all about finding the place where you're comfortable. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks Devlyn. I think that's somewhat the conclusion I'm coming to. Everyone has that different point that makes them feel complete. Whether it be non-transition, part time transition, or full time transition. For me, I just need to find that place of peace for myself.

It took several years but I finally couldn't continue living as a guy anymore. Felt wrong, VERY wrong. I had no choice in the matter. I went all the way! No regrets. Despite obstacles and what not.

Quote from: KayXo on January 31, 2016, 09:52:19 PM
It took several years but I finally couldn't continue living as a guy anymore. Felt wrong, VERY wrong. I had no choice in the matter. I went all the way! No regrets. Despite obstacles and what not.

I just know how I am as a person. I'm very emotional and tender hearted. To know that I was hurting others, would really depress me.

Just out of curiosity. I already have breast tissue, small feet, & little body hair. I've always had low t for years, without really knowing about it. How long do you think I could go before people would really notice? I'd love to grow a pair of size D boobs, but I know I wouldn't ever be able to hide them.

Also, any suggestions on things I can do with my hair (always had military style cut), & my clothing to not make the breast & body fat growth I will experience noticeable.

Also, I've read on other sites about aromatization, where the body continues feminizing after stopping estrogen. Is that true? I haven't found any scientific evidence to suggest it is, unless that person already had estrogen excess syndrome.

I feel nervous that if I stop at a size B, that they might keep growing without assistance.

Quote from: Adchop on January 31, 2016, 10:08:28 PM
I just know how I am as a person. I'm very emotional and tender hearted. To know that I was hurting others, would really depress me.

Just out of curiosity. I already have breast tissue, small feet, & little body hair. I've always had low t for years, without really knowing about it. How long do you think I could go before people would really notice? I'd love to grow a pair of size D boobs, but I know I wouldn't ever be able to hide them.

Also, any suggestions on things I can do with my hair (always had military style cut), & my clothing to not make the breast & body fat growth I will experience noticeable.

Also, I've read on other sites about aromatization, where the body continues feminizing after stopping estrogen. Is that true? I haven't found any scientific evidence to suggest it is, unless that person already had estrogen excess syndrome.

I feel nervous that if I stop at a size B, that they might keep growing without assistance.

Hiding transition shouldn't be a huge problem. Male clothes and a five o'clock shadow will keep your male persona going. Unpadded sports bra or tight fitting tank top under your clothes do a wonderful job minimizing cleavage.

As for hair, you can easily go to a pixie cut and style it masculine or feminine. There are loads of options with shorter hair. Just part it to the side and you have a male haircut. Clothing, well... I'd suggest baggier clothing. Straight leg jeans, and hoodies are good options. Denim jackets work well. Button down flannels. Having patterns on your shirt will break up what silhouette you might be left with after you get into questionable territory with a sports bra.

I dont quite understand the last part. Transition is kind of a lifetime endeavor. You can stop estrogen, but you're going to need a hormone either T, or E... otherwise you'll be in to a menopausal state. So stopping after a B cup confused me.

You're going to grow breasts as long as you're on Estrogen. They will get as large as they're going be... not much control over that. Plastic surgery is really the only way to pick your breast size.

Going off estrogen will affect your skin, hair, body hair, pores, fat distribution etc... your breast tissue will stay but the other feminization qualities that you received from HRT will revert. Hope it helps.

Quote from: Adchop on January 31, 2016, 10:08:28 PM
I've read on other sites about aromatization, where the body continues feminizing after stopping estrogen. Is that true? I haven't found any scientific evidence to suggest it is, unless that person already had estrogen excess syndrome.

Not true. You need to take estrogen forever; otherwise, you will suffer physically and psychologically. You won't have much T to aromatize to E anyways.

The decision to transition was the hardest decision I have made in life yet.

Quote from: Adchop on January 31, 2016, 03:24:02 PM
To tell you a little about myself I am currently not transitioning, but I'm planning to start this summer. I have always had low T problems and it has caught up to me in terms of weight, so I'm on T currently to try and boost my metabolism and burn off some pounds. (Good thing about synthetic T is it will help shrink my testicals and make future T production naturally lower)

Low T is a symptom of liver disease, which can occur if you are overweight. Have you checked for that? It can be quite serious (i.e. fatal). Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease is quite common.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-alcoholic_fatty_liver_disease

There's other drugs that can help if you have that, like metformin, but losing weight is the only real solution.

After read all the answer I had to agree very fascinate.

Transition could be either hard or easy depend each own person and setting, since no one is the same.  For a long time, I has been daze and confuse about whether I am a cross dresser or a transsexual person. Ever since I was 16 I had the feeling I was born in a wrong body. After I got caught with cross dressing my married was over, and I lost my house and children.  Lucky that I still had my job! Since I was on my own I begin to despair and confuse, and some time I just want to end it all to get over it. I finally found a support group in San Jose call South Bay TransWomen and friends, and I find out that I am not alone with my condition since other like me.

Recently I decide to take COmbine Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory (COGIATI) MtF test, and my result came back with Classification level 5 Transsexual with Gender Dysphoria problem. Now I will get to Gender Dysphoria program to seek for help.

Thanks for reading.  Luanne

Quote from: AnonyMs on February 01, 2016, 09:57:48 AM
Low T is a symptom of liver disease, which can occur if you are overweight. Have you checked for that? It can be quite serious (i.e. fatal). Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease is quite common.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-alcoholic_fatty_liver_disease

There's other drugs that can help if you have that, like metformin, but losing weight is the only real solution.

Losing weight by cutting down on carbohydrates as these are the reason why fatty liver occurs in the first place.

The ''decision'' ( not a decision imo) to transition was the hardest but also the easiest thing i had to do in my life. I transitionned the moment i couldnt keep coping with my male life anymore.  I had explored and tried everything to be a male knowing at the very begining i was not one. I spent all my energy, the fuel tank was empty and i just.. collapsed, accepted my failure and how things were really like.  Since the moment i accepted it,  everything was easy because i knew what i wanted for YEARS.   I knew everything about transition since i was a teenager so i am just going forward..  My therapist says that transitionning is making little step by little step until your feel comfortable with transition.. I am not  exactly doing this, i am doing rabbit steps, i am making it a  marathon, skipping all the useless stuff of questionning and doubts because i KNOW where i am going, i know who i am !

When i talk about it, i look so confident about my "decision" that none is questionning it.   

just giving example,
- i did not require any letter for FFS and BA early transition ( it is usually a requirement for early stage).
- My endo gave me my HRT medications without even having report from my therapist. He said that i will need to send it to him in the next few months however.

So yes i am confident with transition and  i know where i am going .  You must have no hesitation the day you begin your transition.

Quote from: AnonyMs on February 01, 2016, 09:57:48 AM
Low T is a symptom of liver disease, which can occur if you are overweight. Have you checked for that? It can be quite serious (i.e. fatal). Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease is quite common.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-alcoholic_fatty_liver_disease

There's other drugs that can help if you have that, like metformin, but losing weight is the only real solution.

I don't think I have a liver disease. My GP doctor did bloodwork and determined that my T level was 195, but he also said I had high triglycerides, & my cholesterol was high. He basically said my low T was due to be being over weight, & that I need to lose some pounds. Also told me that I need to cut out all carbs & sugar.

I have always been a stockier guy, due to weight lifting over the years, & even now I still have a broad chest & Shoulders. My biggest problem is belly fat, & fat on my breasts, & under my arm pits. I have started a strict low carb, no sugar diet with lots of lean meats, & fresh fruits/veggies. I'm currently 260, which I know will most likely decrease with muscle loss on estrogen, but I also want to cut down on fat levels as well. I'm ok with being a thicker girl, but I don't want to be obese.

Quote from: KayXo on January 31, 2016, 09:52:19 PM
It took several years but I finally couldn't continue living as a guy anymore. Felt wrong, VERY wrong. I had no choice in the matter. I went all the way! No regrets. Despite obstacles and what not.

I think I'm coming more to this point in my life. The last 5 years sex with my wife has felt like a job, more than something pleasurable. We have had sex probably twice in the past year. I always overcame my feelings by self medicating on mtf fictional stories, which I always brushed off as a fetish. Now I'm starting to realize more and more that my desire was something much deeper than a fetish. I've always known deep down that I've been a woman on the inside, just never realized how realistic it was to make the outside match without surgery.