I'm very frustrated by my wife.

I'm Transgender and in the closet, I see someone once a week for my challenges.

At home, my wife has flat out told me she is SICK of the news about transgender people. And has said that this is a fad and that many people are switching or going on HRT because they think it is a silver bullet to fix their problems, when really they should be dealing with the real issues life brings in front of them. She also believes that many many young people are making a huge mistake and that parents are not doing enough to help kids with puberty, awkwardness that puberty brings in general, and just dealing with hormones.

She said she is so sick of transgender talk she wants to punch people when she hears the subject.

so.. .here I am, transgender in secret (sort of) and I have my wife telling me these things and I'm at a loss. I can't talk to her at all about these things.

Do you all think, there are a lot of confused people? what is your take?

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 02, 2016, 10:25:57 AM
I'm very frustrated by my wife.

I'm Transgender and in the closet, I see someone once a week for my challenges.

At home, my wife has flat out told me she is SICK of the news about transgender people. And has said that this is a fad and that many people are switching or going on HRT because they think it is a silver bullet to fix their problems, when really they should be dealing with the real issues life brings in front of them. She also believes that many many young people are making a huge mistake and that parents are not doing enough to help kids with puberty, awkwardness that puberty brings in general, and just dealing with hormones.

She said she is so sick of transgender talk she wants to punch people when she hears the subject.

so.. .here I am, transgender in secret (sort of) and I have my wife telling me these things and I'm at a loss. I can't talk to her at all about these things.

Do you all think, there are a lot of confused people? what is your take?

You should talk and take her to local TransWomen and friends support group. So she will able to understand and acceptance. Good luck Megan

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

I wonder if she does not sense your leanings in this area and is trying to be preemptive by loudly voicing an opinion on this trend. How is she qualified to make this assessment? Her education? Her interaction with transgender people?

The more unsure or weak an opinion, the more loudly it is proclaimed.

Can totally understand your hurt over this.

Look, there are obviously a lot more people that have gender dysphoria than we know or have estimated in the past. The seemingly faddishness is likely because for once people see a way to address and feel that the societal price to do so, is tenable. Awareness does not equal a fad. It is sort of like saying that any of society's progression is a fad.

Yes, it's a fad.  It's a worldwide fad that has existed for thousands of years.   

Mmmmmmm,  that doesn't fit the definition of fad.

There is really nothing you can say to someone whose mind is made up

I was a Hippie and have since gone underground. People always said that Hippies were  a fad so I don't know , I'm still a Hippie though. As far as being transgender she sounds like she's a follower of Germane Greer. What brings on her tirades about trans people. There are people who hate minorities or foreigners or Catholics etc. What reason does she single out transgender people for.

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 02, 2016, 10:25:57 AM
Do you all think, there are a lot of confused people? what is your take?

Well, sure there are a lot of confused people.  If a person finds her/his aspirations and emotions are in conflict with all the gender norms she/he was socialized into for decades, why wouldn't she/he be confused?  The question is what to do about it.

I don't know how much your wife knows about your feelings.  You described yourself as "sort of" in the closet, so I'm guessing that she senses pretty clearly what's going on inside your head, although you haven't explicitly told her.  If that's right, then probably her anti-transgender tirades are an attempt to repress what's going on and to intimidate you into keeping your gender issues deeply in the closet.

What she doesn't understand is that your feelings won't go away just because you can't express them.  I feel for you.  And for her, too.

Wow. Yeah, that sounds like she's trying to push a conversation or confrontation. That could just be my take though.

So sorry. Sounds like a frank discussion of feelings and mental health might be in order. Don't know how you bring it up without ducking though.

Good luck.

Joanna

How many transgender people does she know? Is it close enough to all of them in order to determine that the majority is a fad or confused people? I feel like she's trying to understand it from her own perspective and since she's never felt that way, she assumes everybody else must be confused. I have people that are as supportive as they come that still like to make sure I'm sure because I don't fit the stereotypes well, like the only way I could feel like I need to be a woman is because I need dress a certain way or act a certain way. Some take that a step further and ask why I don't just change the way I dress and remind me that everybody is unhappy with their body. I've tried explaining that I don't see myself when I look in the mirror and it leads to people telling me they see someone that's not as thin as they should be, or they hate their nose, or they have too many freckles, and they really believe that's the same thing. They just can't comprehend what it's like and since we can't really accurately describe it either, who can really blame them.

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 02, 2016, 10:25:57 AM
I'm very frustrated by my wife.

I'm Transgender and in the closet, I see someone once a week for my challenges.

At home, my wife has flat out told me she is SICK of the news about transgender people. And has said that this is a fad and that many people are switching or going on HRT because they think it is a silver bullet to fix their problems, when really they should be dealing with the real issues life brings in front of them. She also believes that many many young people are making a huge mistake and that parents are not doing enough to help kids with puberty, awkwardness that puberty brings in general, and just dealing with hormones.

She said she is so sick of transgender talk she wants to punch people when she hears the subject.

so.. .here I am, transgender in secret (sort of) and I have my wife telling me these things and I'm at a loss. I can't talk to her at all about these things.

Do you all think, there are a lot of confused people? what is your take?

Yep it's a fad...


Berdache, Evening people, Fakaleiti, Galli, Hijra, Kathoey, Khanith, Takatäpui, Two-spirit, Xanith, and Yinyang ren


Have her read this A Short History of Gender Dysphoria

Sylvia did an amazing job on it.

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 02, 2016, 10:25:57 AM
I'm very frustrated by my wife.

I'm Transgender and in the closet, I see someone once a week for my challenges.

At home, my wife has flat out told me she is SICK of the news about transgender people. And has said that this is a fad and that many people are switching or going on HRT because they think it is a silver bullet to fix their problems, when really they should be dealing with the real issues life brings in front of them. She also believes that many many young people are making a huge mistake and that parents are not doing enough to help kids with puberty, awkwardness that puberty brings in general, and just dealing with hormones.

She said she is so sick of transgender talk she wants to punch people when she hears the subject.

so.. .here I am, transgender in secret (sort of) and I have my wife telling me these things and I'm at a loss. I can't talk to her at all about these things.

Do you all think, there are a lot of confused people? what is your take?

Do you think this is really what she is trying to tell you? and do you want to try and keep the relationship intact..fi you do then here is a couple of suggestions apart from the excellent links to educate her that have already been provided....Just a couple of things to maybe consider

I think she is probably scared about many things, here is a few examples
Where she fits in all of this and
How your future together will pan out.
How do you have a sex life
Who does the manly stuff around here now
Why did he lie to me
Why now
What did I do
Am I not enough of a woman for him


She sounds like she wants a confrontation but maybe what she really wants is to know where she stands and what you coming out actually means in a practical sense to your relationship. My 28 year marriage is still intact and stronger than it has ever been but I have had to take it very slowly and get her to come with me rather than smacking her in the face with it.

Having said all that some people will be bigoted and refuse to educate themselves and if that is the case then there is nothing you can do about it except live your life as you choose.

I have to agree with her that being trans is a fad...my fad started when I was 4 and will finish when I die .

Elizabeth K

Mod edit: no swearing

She obviously got an advance copy of "The Trans Agenda" that is still in committee for final review. It all started in the 50's as we all know well. A spokesperson for the loyal opposition called us on "Being trans is a faddishtic behavior". But the reporter, an older gent, had a bit of hearing loss in the high frequencies and reported that trans was fettishtic, and well... it stuck. Till now. 

While I kind of tend to believe that Being Trans or gender fluid is "In" these days. HRT? Seriously? It tends to be a LOT harder to score then heroin. But her main source of info just may be Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, or others of their ilk.

I think people, those that don't do it maliciously, that say it is a "fad" are confusing greater visibility with greater prevalence. Trans people and trans issues are very much in the public eye right now, so people are getting more exposure to us than they have before, and are concluding this must be because there are more of us. It isn't so, we've always been around, but to someone who isn't thinking critically the "fad" conclusion might seem obvious.

If she loves you, recognize that she's probably scared of change. Simply reassure her that you love her and that all your feelings are true and your love and relationship isn't a lie.

The best way to combat hatred and confusion is with love and education. Perhaps then, she will learn that this isn't a fad and a real issue for many people.

<3
Audree

People often look for simple answers to complex situations they do not understand and are not willing to be compassionate or empathetic about.  I have one family member who believes I am possessed by the devil and if i would just pray.....

We are seeing what feels like an ugly backlash to our increasing visibility.  This sort of anger about our being out and open seeks to keep us closeted and fearful.  The recent introduction of bathroom bills across the nation is part of this reactionary mob psychology.

Stick to your true colors please!

Hello Again Megan,

Hang in there💕This is is looking like she is pretty set in her ways🙁A few questions 1.) endurance and patience 2.) your emotional well being 3.) fee will choice. Only you can gauge your tolerance with this apparently you are not dealing well or happy with this on going battle. I would think if this were a long term solution there would at least be some respect of you. Some neutrality would really help. It sounds like she isn't accept anything other a total repentance and abandonment of your real gender. I can't image even then it will be ok. I know from I've read you love her but, this doesn't look good. My fear about her would be forever being branded in a negative light in regards to have ever even considering transitioning. I would set a reasonable time limit and conditions on this. You deserve to be yourself honor that!!!!!

Love,💕
Michelle

by opening up to her about your identity, it puts her own into question in her mind. this brings about a natural fear reaction probably brought about by a fear of losing friends/their peer group/whomever else accepts her as is, and probably would regardless of her identity, but she doesn't see it that way. she might be thinking "oh god, does this make me a lesbian? am i going to lose my husband? if i'm ok with this, will my family still accept me?" etc etc etc.

i cant give advice on this, but good luck. hopefully she sorts it out in her head. if not, *shrug* you really wanna be with someone who doesn't love you for who you actually are?

If there's any "fad" it is that trans issues are now being raised in the mainstream media with increasing frequency. Being trans is now more visible than it ever was. And I'm sick of the media coverage too... of the news about trans people being murdered, being assaulted, being denied the right to pee in the right public loo, of humiliation at the hands of law enforcement and security and being degraded by "comedians" and opportunistic politicians... I'm damn sick of it. When is it going to end? Maybe when we are no longer "news worthy" but instead accepted simply as people who approach our gender identity in our own unique and human way.