My emotions seem to have taken a holiday over the last couple of weeks. I realised yesterday that I had been withdrawing from my usual activities. I recognise this behavior and the feelings that go with it from the last time I tried to deal with my Trans Issues and it all went pear shaped. I almost expect someone or something to come along and screw up my transition like the last two times and I am now so close(one week) from My appointment with Dr Jones for consideration of HRT. My Psych appointment to get my letters is in another 4 weeks.

I have not felt like interacting online or in real life for that matter. I was supposed to go to a casual meeting on Saturday which I had been looking forward to all week but come Saturday I bailed. My male ego and conditioning put me through hell all day and in the end I succumbed and didn't go. By later that afternoon I was really angry with myself for not going but mostly for letting it get the better of me. I know I would have felt much better if I had gone to the Meet up and got to relax in the company of people who "get me". It wasn't as if there was any great pressure to present all dolled up, that is not what this meet is about. Anyway I guess as long as we keep learning...yeah right

By late Monday I was having a real "pity party", doubting my every decision, doubting my trans validity, questioning my support structure...I soon began to realise that nothing had changed except my attitude. Couple this with a Electrolysis every 5-6 days which means I spend a good portion of the last couple of weeks un-shaved which plays havoc with my Dysphoria which I think has helped me in feeling the way I have been.

So I looked after myself yesterday and spent the morning going about the day as Elizabeth and by the time I headed out the door (Back in androgynous mode) I was feeling pretty relaxed. Even after Electrolysis I was feeling good...despite it being painful I can't help but have a smile on my face when I check out where she has been working. Despite the difficulty I have with the pain I can see a couple of very small bald spots which is a combination of Laser and Electrolysis and as long as I can see some progress then I will be happy.

I am going to do some more things today that will help alleviate my Dysphoria which feels like it has been running rampant over the last couple of weeks. I would find myself writing a response to a post on this board and then not being able to bring myself to actually post because I doubted my own validity to make a comment. I did this over and over again last week constantly doubting myself. However today I am feeling so much better about myself and my transition. I think the last couple of weeks have been down to the hard time I was having with Electrolysis along with not being able to shave. With very few exceptions I have always been clean shaven as I recognise this as one of my triggers. I will manage it a bit better from now on as I know the area she will be working on next week and I will continue to shave the rest of my face around this area, I am sure this is going to help.

Thanks for reading and I welcome any comments

Elizabeth K

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Facial hair really bothers me too.  I need to look into laser or electrolysis myself.

I hope you can get your HRT letter soon.  It was such a relief to me that I was able to get mine so quickly, but I live a far more liberal/Democratic area that is more accepting of their LGBT members.

Quote from: ElizabethK on February 02, 2016, 04:30:46 PM
My emotions seem to have taken a holiday over the last couple of weeks. I realised yesterday that I had been withdrawing from my usual activities. I recognise this behavior and the feelings that go with it from the last time I tried to deal with my Trans Issues and it all went pear shaped. I almost expect someone or something to come along and screw up my transition like the last two times and I am now so close(one week) from My appointment with Dr Jones for consideration of HRT. My Psych appointment to get my letters is in another 4 weeks.

I have not felt like interacting online or in real life for that matter. I was supposed to go to a casual meeting on Saturday which I had been looking forward to all week but come Saturday I bailed. My male ego and conditioning put me through hell all day and in the end I succumbed and didn't go. By later that afternoon I was really angry with myself for not going but mostly for letting it get the better of me. I know I would have felt much better if I had gone to the Meet up and got to relax in the company of people who "get me". It wasn't as if there was any great pressure to present all dolled up, that is not what this meet is about. Anyway I guess as long as we keep learning...yeah right

By late Monday I was having a real "pity party", doubting my every decision, doubting my trans validity, questioning my support structure...I soon began to realise that nothing had changed except my attitude. Couple this with a Electrolysis every 5-6 days which means I spend a good portion of the last couple of weeks un-shaved which plays havoc with my Dysphoria which I think has helped me in feeling the way I have been.

So I looked after myself yesterday and spent the morning going about the day as Elizabeth and by the time I headed out the door (Back in androgynous mode) I was feeling pretty relaxed. Even after Electrolysis I was feeling good...despite it being painful I can't help but have a smile on my face when I check out where she has been working. Despite the difficulty I have with the pain I can see a couple of very small bald spots which is a combination of Laser and Electrolysis and as long as I can see some progress then I will be happy.

I am going to do some more things today that will help alleviate my Dysphoria which feels like it has been running rampant over the last couple of weeks. I would find myself writing a response to a post on this board and then not being able to bring myself to actually post because I doubted my own validity to make a comment. I did this over and over again last week constantly doubting myself. However today I am feeling so much better about myself and my transition. I think the last couple of weeks have been down to the hard time I was having with Electrolysis along with not being able to shave. With very few exceptions I have always been clean shaven as I recognise this as one of my triggers. I will manage it a bit better from now on as I know the area she will be working on next week and I will continue to shave the rest of my face around this area, I am sure this is going to help.

Thanks for reading and I welcome any comments

Elizabeth K

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

You should have come along. Next time give me a call and I can settle you down. We had about 25 people including 'just starting to admit'. We had a great afternoon in the sun, and I provided the comedic interlude by getting pooped on by a pigeon.

Never met a transphobic pigeon before

Anyone from Adelaide or interstate is welcome, the last Saturday of the month from 2pm onwards. It is a totally safe place, Venue 63 in Light Square. It is owned and run by transgender women as a restaurant/nightclub for everyone. Lots of safe parking and the meet-up is run by Gendasa for the community. Dress as you wish, children welcome. People range from people like me, fully transitioned, to people who are just questioning their gender for the first time. We will put you at ease and talk about anything. You will be accepted with no questions asked.

Cindy

I'll try to make it it sounds fun. Probably won't be able to though , but a girl can always dream.

Thanks for the offer Cindy...yes I should have reached out as you have offered before. I won't be letting this happen again but it is just so easy sometimes to slip back into old patterns of thinking...the withdrawing is a classic example for me. I was pretty annoyed with myself by the end of the afternoon. I wish I had known you were putting on a side show might have been more than enough to get me there. 

Hi StillAnonymous I can remember growing a mustache on more than one occasion to stop myself dressing and it worked but not for long. My partner would say to me OH you have shaved your mustache off...I always told her it was to let the skin breathe....more like to let me breathe. It never lasted longer than a few months and by the time I was ready to shave it off I had unconsciously pulled most of it out anyway...in fact I tried about 6 years ago to grow it again and it just came in all patchy

Stephanic...I have been to two of these meetings before and the last one I went to I had a lot of laughs so can certainly recommend it...

Elizabeth K