Last night, I was trying on a new dress I'm making.  (It finally looks like a dress, even with no collar, cuffs, lining, or hem.)  I looked in the mirror to see how it looks, and for the first time in my life, I could imagine I was looking at a woman.  An old, overweight, not pretty woman, but a woman.  And, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel a blow of hatred for who and what I saw.

Maybe there's hope.

Maybe being an dumpy old visibly trans woman won't be so bad after all....


(BTW, this is after 3 months of hrt.  Hopefully, I'll look even more female after 12 months.  And maybe the boob fairy will have come to visit by then!)

Quote from: Asche on February 03, 2016, 08:03:35 AM
Last night, I was trying on a new dress I'm making.  (It finally looks like a dress, even with no collar, cuffs, lining, or hem.)  I looked in the mirror to see how it looks, and for the first time in my life, I could imagine I was looking at a woman.  An old, overweight, not pretty woman, but a woman.  And, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel a blow of hatred for who and what I saw.

Maybe there's hope.

Maybe being an dumpy old visibly trans woman won't be so bad after all....


(BTW, this is after 3 months of hrt.  Hopefully, I'll look even more female after 12 months.  And maybe the boob fairy will have come to visit by then!)

Congrats for seeing the new you.

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You want to be a woman and you saw her in the mirror.  Everything else is about the cosmetics of presentation, which you get to decide about.

You've taken a huge step, congrats . . .   

Rachel

Congrats! Frustratingly, I've yet to see the real me in the mirror, but you've given me hope.

I think it's going to take practice.

This morning, I looked in the mirror again (I'm beginning to understand why fairy tales and the like treate mirrors as gateways into mystical and often dangerous realms), and though it took an effort, I think I was able to see the dumpy old trans lady again.

But dumpy old (trans) lady ain't so bad -- doesn't that describe what you think of when you think of a "grandma"?

Maybe I should get a floral-print housedress and a curly white wig (my grandmother, born in the 19th century, always had her hair tightly curled) and a cookie sheet filled with home-baked cookies and call myself a "->-bleeped-<- granny."(*)  Hey, nothing like home-baked cookies to make warm fuzzy feelings, right?


(*) -- I'm already having to stop myself from saying to my sons, "when am I gonna see grandkids, anyway?"

That is amazing! Congrats on seeing your true self. I remember that feeling... wish it was always there! A glimmer of it occasionally is super refreshing!!

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Quote from: Violets on February 03, 2016, 08:53:12 AM
Frustratingly, I've yet to see the real me in the mirror, but you've given me hope.

FWIW, I've been looking at women a lot, especially ones that don't fit the "true woman" appearance template, and imagining looking like them.  I mean, at 62, there's no way I'm going to look like a supermodel, or even as good as Caitlyn Jenner or Hillary Clinton, no matter how many surgeries I have or how much time I spend at the gym.  Basically, I'm trying to recalibrate my internal picture of what a "real woman" looks like to include less stereotypically feminine bodies.

Maybe if I find some cis women who look a lot like me or at least what I can reasonably expect myself to look like after a few years on HRT, I can learn to accept my appearance as being "like a woman."


I ran across a video this morning (one of those videos extoling the features of a particular UPS), and the presenter was a woman with arguably "manish" features, and I told myself, she looks like she's doing okay.


On another note, I've been working on my mannerisms.  I've been trying out (to myself) various ones that I might have previously rejected as being too "girly" to see if they fit me.  I think -- or would at least like to think -- that under all that undermining and invalidation from childhood and beyond there's a playful, coy, flirtatious, spontaneous, affectionate, impulsive, passionate, joyful soul that I would like to allow to let out of its Chateau d'If cell and express itself.

And even if there isn't, well, as they say, "fake it til you make it."

Yes. Mirror is a must for m2f transgender.

barbie~~

 I've somehow gotten to where that's what I see no matter what I'm wearing.  I think growing my hair for a year has a lot to do with that.


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