I don't have much dysphoria or anything with my birth name, it's Shana Nicole Harrison. I got used to it I guess because my fiancé calls me shan and since I'm not out to my parents (everyone except my parents know, for safety stuffs), I feel it's fine.
The name I've chose since about 2008 was Jasper. Sometime between then and now I chose the last name Beauclair. And now that gay marriage is legal in the US, I began questioning how last names work now. Usually the female takes the male's last name. That made me kind of nervous and feel sort of womanly thinking about getting married and taking someone's last name since I picked out Beauclair and I enjoy it.
How do gay men sort their last names? Do they just get married without changing their names, do they hyphenate (which is gross imo.. i hate double last names) or do they agree on which last name they'd prefer?
I heard that legally changing your first or middle name is easier than changing your last name since there could be transphobic judges or other factors(?).
My fiancé is hispanic and I'm white. This probably sounds very racist but I wouldn't really want his last name because it is Ruberté and I feel like it doesn't fit me, a white person, at all.
Also, I figured I'd ask you guys to suggest good sounding middle names for either Jasper Beauclair or Jasper Ruberté.

What are you guys' suggestions, experiences, or opinions?

It isn't a legal requirement in the United States to change your last name. Both partners may keep their original name, either last name can be used or sometimes the last names are hyphenated.

Until the 1970's it was tradition that the wife took the husbands name but woman's liberation changed all that ending the "Mr and Mrs John Doe" addresses on envelopes.

If you are happy with your name, don't give it up. Your partner should also be allowed to pick a name that they are comfortable with.

It's up to you what you do with your surname, and we gay couples are creating our own traditions right now. Some will hyphenate both names together; some will pick one of their names for both partners to use (so one partner changes their name); some will pick an entirely new name for both partners; some will keep their original surnames. It's your choice.

I'd recommend you not use your real names in a public forum. Public forums can be visited by anyone and having that kind of personal information on line can lead to all sorts of problems if the wrong people get hold of it. If those are your legitimate names, I recommend you edit your post to remove them.

Oh, and you might want to bear in mind that native Spaniards are white Europeans, so all original Spanish surnames were by definition originally white names. There's no reason why a white person (or anyone else really) shouldn't have any name they choose.

You don't have to change your last name.

I have heard all sorts of solutions with gay couples. Hyphenating, keeping their own, choosing which they like more, or picking a new one all together.

I'd say talk to your fiance and see how he feels about it. At the very least, if he doesn't want to give up his surname, you could still choose yours.

I hear it is good to have one last name between the two of you when you have kids so when you pick them up from events the kids will match your name. I also know two teachers and they had the same last name but it got confusing with their job so they now have different last names.

As a gay man who also picked his own surname (I'm as estranged from my father as one can be without having to explain why to the whole family, so I took my mother's maiden name because any connection to him at all is very uncomfortable), I won't be changing my surname when I get married. My surname is too important to me as a person, and with the length, there's no way I'm hyphenating. My husband can take my surname if he likes or keep his own (the guy I'm with now, whom I eventually hope to marry, will probably keep his own surname).

Keeping the surname you've picked sounds better with the first name you've picked IMO. I'd recommend something short, one or two syllables, for your middle name (presuming the surname you picked). I think an R-name would sound good. Since you've got a fairly French-sounding name, René was the first thing I thought of. Roy was the second. Dunno if that helps any : P

Saying that having your full name online is dangerous is silly. People on Facebook commonly use their real, whole name. And if you know people in person, you probably know their whole name. So this presumption that names are dangerous are overall silly. People always have the ability of malicious or obsessive action. If you were the target of such, you'd know, but for the most part your name is harmless to normal people.

I've asked him and he said he'd like for me to adopt his last name, but I don't like it too much unless maybe I had a middle name that strung Jasper and Ruberté together well. As an artist, I like good sounding names, that will make people's tongues sing when mentioning my art.

I like Jasper René Beauclair, but Jasper René Ruberté, if I were to take his last name, would be weird.

Also, I'm in the US where hispanics aren't looked upon in a very good light, and having his last name might prove to be a bad choice when trying to get a job. When a job employer sees "Ruberté" they may think to themselves that this person doesn't know english well, this person is lazy, and this person is just an illegal or overbred burden on the US. It's extremely racist, but it happens and may contribute to why my fiancé can't seem to be hired since 2014. We're in the southern US, by the way. Where "if you aren't born white, you aren't born right" is definitely true.
Even when people watch Rick and Morty and see that Rick's last name is Sanchez, they freak out.

With his last name, maybe something starting with an A? A vowel-starting one would flow best, I think. I'm a writer and chose my name to flow nicely together, so I definitely feel you on the artist front ^__^

But knowing how (even subconsciously) racist people can be, I can definitely understand a hesitation to take his last name. I don't know how important it is to him that you adopt his last name (obviously, as you said, he'd prefer it), but have you tried explaining your hesitations in doing so and having an open conversation about it? I mean, you being white and people being racist aside, with different-gender couples the woman is always the one expected to change her surname (as you said) and that's a very reasonable reason to feel uncomfortable. Add on to how important names are to a trans person especially, insofar as choosing our name is the first big step in authenticating ourselves... I dunno. I'm sure a reasonable compromise can be reached.

Well, I guess I'd like people to suggest a middle name that could potentially fit both Beauclair and Ruberté.

I've asked my fiancé about middle names, but he has no idea. He says he sucks at names, so I decided to ask you guys.

We've tried talking about the last name debate, but it always ends with "take mine or don't, it's your choice". So I guess I'll focus on the flow of the name for now. His name doesn't flow that well, Chris Isaak Ruberté Martínez (since he already uses his full name publicly, for our business, Facebook, games, etc).

Apparently in puerto rico, it's mandatory (from what I've been told and experienced) for a child (i don't know about wives) to take 2 last names, the father's father's (etc) last name and the mother's father's father's (etc) last name. So essentially you'll have two last names, one from each of your grand fathers. Your father's surname being the main one you use, hence him referring to himself as Ruberté not Martínez or a combination. That was just a tidbit I wanted to share about what I learned from him with names.