I'm trying to get my facts and expectations together. I have been presenting as a male my entire life. I'm married, I have worked at the same place for 15 years. I have facebook, family (both sides), and brothers.

when dealing with men, guys, dudes, How do I handle the shock, possibly dis-belief, anger, work, when I come out? I mean here I am entire life male and now I say my name is no longer Jim, its Jill.

What can I expect? how do you deal with it?

Quote from: mickey.megan on January 25, 2016, 04:28:35 PM
I'm trying to get my facts and expectations together. I have been presenting as a male my entire life. I'm married, I have worked at the same place for 15 years. I have facebook, family (both sides), and brothers.

when dealing with men, guys, dudes, How do I handle the shock, possibly dis-belief, anger, work, when I come out? I mean here I am entire life male and now I say my name is no longer Jim, its Jill.

What can I expect? how do you deal with it?

People were pretty shocked. But only one or two treated me with any disrespect at all. Nearly everyone was OK with calling me Suzi and using female pronouns.

I dealt with it by talking openly about it and being willing to address their misconceptions and to educate them about what it means to be trans.

One thing I did do is the year before my transition, I began letting my hair grow long and growing out my fingernails, so people knew something was up. I probably prevented a few major coronaries.

Mickey.Megan,

Thank you for posting this. I don't know when I will or could go public. However, this thread is something I am very interested in too. I know some of the answers logically. However, life is rarely logical.

Joanna

well if it helps most of the men i've told have been very supportive and after the initial "YOU'RE WHAT?" and "Whats that mean?" Part, most are like "fair play to ya, you're one brave <Not Permitted>.". One has even offered to go for coffee with me when i need someone to talk too. Only one of my male friends has had a bad reaction and he wasn't that close anyway. I think you will be surprised at the amount of good reaction you'll get.
Sophie

Mod Edit:Language

I've always been so girly looking to start with I'm really not sure if I ever actually came out or was already out to begin with. I think the only real coming out for me was I started carying a purse.  I've always worn female clothes since early teens and know one ever expected me to dress any other way.  I think most people I've encountered have thought of me as just some odd  girl. 

so far everyone's been incredibly nice except a one or two disgruntled people who refuse to use proper pronouns.

I haven't jumped into the deep end of the pool. However, as the proto-typical physically anti-female, I can tell you I expect a lot of dropped jaws. Where I live, in PC central, I expect plenty of smiles and plenty of wanting to burn the witch.

Luckily  ... I have no friends to worry about except my BFF(?)/Wife

I had only friend altogether who disbelieved. He proceeded to put me through a quiz to prove who I was because he just couldn't believe. In the end, I had to share something that I and only a few knew to prove that I am who I am. Hugs
Mariah

It's difficult to say what people will say.   It will probably not be as bad as you fear it will be,  and not as pleasant as you would hope.   And then there are the people whom will expect to respond, who just don't respond at all as if to say so what.   Some people who you thought may have accepted your changes may respond negatively.   Then there will be the people who just ignore you.   Life is different for all of us, who knows what it will bring.

It is an interesting and very important question.

As a professional I had two groups of men to deal with. My fellow professionals and the 'blue-collar' guys who supply the services I need to keep going (mainly electricians, plumbers and ancillary service guys). I had been working in the same place for 30+ years.

Among my professional colleagues most were OK, and just carried on as normal. I had two people who refused to talk to me. They were not openly hostile, but decided that they couldn't deal with it so ignored me. Funnily within two years they had become so isolated from everyone that they resigned. My male colleagues just couldn't accept people who rejected me and in turn ignored them.

Among the blue collar guys there was no issues. OK I was senior in management to them, but I had always been chatty and polite to everyone and never pulled rank. To a man they accepted me, many of them saying that if anyone was nasty to me to let them know.

I have to admit I was very surprised at how accepting everyone was.

I found 99% of guys were OK, quite a lot who I never expected to be. Tony really surprised me, he was one of the top boys in the local football club's hooligan firm. He hugged me and told me to tell him straight away if I got any problems from anyone! I still see a lot of the guys I rode bikes with and hung around the punk & rock music scene & the classic muscle car guys and they are all OK with me.

My Dad and my brother still don't know how to deal with it, and I changed my name back in 08. My uncle is okay with it. But, he does screw up the pronouns every now and then. But, he's always nice about it and apologizes. So, it is what it is.

Surround yourself with the good people that accept you and the rest don't matter.
Sophie

All the guys I told shocked me. Nobody reacted the way I expected, except my father. He was every bit the jerk I expected him to be. The men that I was sure would be accepting either hit me with scriptures or stopped talking to me altogether. The men I thought wouldn't be able to handle it are telling me that if anybody gives me a problem, to let them know. I have a family member that's been doing MMA for a very long time and he was actually the first to lend support out of the whole family. He didn't need more info or anything. He just said ok and that was that.