Okay, back when i logged offline for a couple days and was getting my life sorted
i found myself in depression that went unnoticed until i realized it of course while in that depression
i decided "I'll take T i'll just get up and do it!" this wasn't just online it was in my head offline.
And it continued and continued so i was like okay, i'll do this but now i'm sort of out of the depression
not completely but better then before and not as many break downs. So i found myself thinking i still want to take T but is it possible it's just my depression wanting me to take T and being sick and tired of the struggle?
Or is it actually me wanting to take T? I'm confused...and its silly but i am, i still want to, but its like is this logical thinking or effects of a still existing slight depression?

Depression can really screw with your motivation. Once you are on a medicine you should try as much as possible to ensure that the dosage is taken as recommended and at the prescribed regular intervals. If you find your depression is getting in the way of that you need to ensure a "no-ifs-no-buts" routine - that the injection is taken at the same time to make sure you don't get into "I'll do it later" thinking.

For me before T I had many instances of my depression going away for a short time such as when I wore a binder for the first time or wore mens clothes for the first time or when I had my name legally changed. But the depression always came back; I think due to the buzz of dysphoria still attaching itself to my brain; there being some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain and because in general life isn't great for me atm.
After taking T I felt immediately calm I guess due to being on the right hormones for my brain and not having to worry about if I was allowed T. But the depression was still there so after 5 yrs of trying to deal with it myself I went on antidepressants and now feel good. I can sleep better and just feel like u can cope much better than before.
So in my experience I think you need T or if you're still not sure then maybe antidepressants might work for you. It's not worth the struggle and uncertainty to not seek some sort of medical help.

Quote from: Elis on February 12, 2016, 04:58:38 AM
For me before T I had many instances of my depression going away for a short time such as when I wore a binder for the first time or wore mens clothes for the first time or when I had my name legally changed. But the depression always came back; I think due to the buzz of dysphoria still attaching itself to my brain; there being some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain and because in general life isn't great for me atm.
After taking T I felt immediately calm I guess due to being on the right hormones for my brain and not having to worry about if I was allowed T. But the depression was still there so after 5 yrs of trying to deal with it myself I went on antidepressants and now feel good. I can sleep better and just feel like u can cope much better than before.
So in my experience I think you need T or if you're still not sure then maybe antidepressants might work for you. It's not worth the struggle and uncertainty to not seek some sort of medical help.

I am taking medication i probably should have made that clear, but i do think you have a great point that's what people keep telling me  

I had awful depression and anxiety prior to starting T. When I mentioned it to my doctor prior to getting my prescription, we had a good discussion about where those things were stemming from. In her view, if they were completely separate and distinct from my gender dysphoria, then I'd probably need to meet with a therapist and talk to them about it, and consider getting some medication directly for that.

But in my case, it was all gender related. My depression was due to the fact that I knew I was trans at 17, had just turned 25, and felt like I was wasting my adult life. I didn't want to live anymore entertaining the lie that I was a happy, cisgender female. My anxiety was due to the fact that medical transition, which I knew I needed, involved doctors and I've had nothing but negative healthcare experiences up to that point. Socially, I was borderline agoraphobic because I had had an androgynous presentation for so long. I never felt comfortable in situations that required gendered choice making in public - using the restroom, going clothes shopping, etc.

Within a few months on T, my depression was gone. I felt like I was finally making progress towards the life I should have been living this whole time. As I masculinized more and more, my social anxiety went away. And due to the terrific care I've received from all of my healthcare providers since coming out, I don't have any anxiety related to that either.

So I'd suggest sitting down and maybe writing out all of your feelings and seeing what you can trace them back to. What's the root cause? If it's gender related, T may be the best anti-depressant you'll find

Quote from: FTMax on February 12, 2016, 07:59:21 AM
So I'd suggest sitting down and maybe writing out all of your feelings and seeing what you can trace them back to. What's the root cause? If it's gender related, T may be the best anti-depressant you'll find

This is very true.  For me the source is entirely gender related (and I guess a vitamin B deficiency but I take vitamins for that not antidepressants :p).  Dont worry about it unless you trace it back to something else

When I went on HRT It helped reduce my dysphoria. Although, I was still depressed. I then went on depression medication and that helped.  When I came out and expressed and the pending divorce accepted then my depression was greatly reduced.