The thought of being transgender is good but that about as good as I get at the minute.

Being told to get on with my life by my local health service left me feeling down and annoyed it after a saw a private therapist I came away feeling what is wrong with me?

My head just feels like it's about to explode at times. But why do I keep thinking how will it effect everyone. My wife, 3 step children (even though they are all now adults) and my mum and sister. Will they reject me? Am I going to be all alone? 

I've been referred by my GP to a psychiatrist but I've still got a week to go. Although I've not thought of ending everything. I have had thoughts of  lets say having accidents with power tools and making it impossible for bits to be reattached so it would make it easier for people to understand. But then my thoughts go back to me letting everyone down.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm typing this. But it seams to help when I see it on screen

Human beings are social creatures, it is very normal for you to fear rejection by your family. No doubt your choices will have an effect on them, but it might not be a negative one. I for one got much closer to my family aftrr starting transition.

The best advice I can give you is just be honest but firm, tell your therapist, family, etc how you feel and if it is serious to you don't let them take it trivially. There is no need to hurt yourself or damage tissue you might want to repurpose in the future to show people how important it is to you, it might be difficult but words and less dramatic actions can convey your sentiments just as well.

Hugs, Emily Rose.

You are a valuable, special, beautiful human being.

You deserve every wonderful thing that can happen to the person.

Your health service can't take away your beauty and your specialness. Neither can your family.

You're at a hard stage. Remember that, and give yourself credit for marching forward in difficult times. When it gets tough, please don't forget what a wonderful, worthwhile person you are.

I just feel so alone, I don't have many friends and only 1 is aware of what I'm going through but she's away for the weekend. Maybe when I see the therapist it will help me figure things out and get my head straight

Hugs, and thanks for caring, your words mean so much to me at the minute

I recommend seeing a gender therapist. You are at a very difficult stage. You may want to not come out until you figure things out with the gender therapist and have more resilience.

The most powerful thing I do is say to myself:

I am xxxx
I am yyyy
I am zzzz
I am Rachel
as a mantra when things are difficult.