How many of you have this even with children and they managed into manipulating the children into doing the same?

My soon to be ex has written me off. She is ignoring me even if I ask how she is doing should I break off all contact?

She's your ex. Unless you have a reason to stay in contact, why bother? If you have minor children or some kind of joint financial situation, you at least need to work things out with those things, but other than that - let go. They don't want contact. You're not together.

Quote from: FTMax on February 17, 2016, 10:16:15 AM
She's your ex. Unless you have a reason to stay in contact, why bother? If you have minor children or some kind of joint financial situation, you at least need to work things out with those things, but other than that - let go. They don't want contact. You're not together.

We share a 2 year old and I still care about her and love her. I am still going threw the grief process also. I am struggling to let go. I feel like I lost my soulmate. We are not completely divorced yet.

Quote from: Amoré on February 17, 2016, 10:01:54 AM
How many of you have this even with children and they managed into manipulating the children into doing the same?

My soon to be ex has written me off. She is ignoring me even if I ask how she is doing should I break off all contact?

Looking at it from a divorce perspective, this isn't all that unusual and plenty of father's have had this done to them by the mother of their children. The kids are with the mother most of the time and it doesn't take much for her to poison the kids against the other person. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it isn't. She's most likely lashing out however she can to hurt you for hurting her.

My best advice is to give it time and get a mediator or social worker involved so that you can have access to your kids. Just keep in mind that it could be years before they see you with their own eyes and not through the eyes of their mother.

Best of luck.

No only do some of us trans people have to deal with divorce like anyone that is getting divorced. We have to deal with so much more crap.  I sometimes wonder if it is worth it but this won't change the fact that I am getting divorced.

I am riding a stupid roller coaster of emotions and grief. One day I am fine and I cope and just survive other day's I feel as if I just want to die. Some days I am glad to wake up and be a girl other days I get into my guy clothes because of guilt and what am I doing.

Is my day's without her better than every day from august that she decided she is pushing me away for being trans. After she promised never to leave me for being trans. Will tomorrow be better be better? I don't know she is not destroying me anymore my internal self is destroying me. I can't let go! Maybe I am not ready to let go and so many people that I know is pushing me to let go. They are pushing me and believing I will be happy because I get to be myself.

It does not work like that I suffered an immense loss. She might have moved on and is continuing her life like she want dating and doing her stuff and we are not divorced yet. I can't do that. I have to I know. I am changing into a woman and she can't be with that but it feels if I am going against her wishes. Why do you want someone that is bad for you sometimes. She was once good for me and that is what I long for but I will never recapture that in a relationship with her.

There will never be a relationship again. That is the truth now I must find out how to let go.

I know it's brutally hard , but you know the truth and must move on. Absolutely nothing you can do to change it. Given her coldness , you must talk to a social worker and or lawyer.

I'm going through this right now.  My children at first were OK with me transitioning,  but not now. When I pick them up I am ignored by the oldest and told how mean I am by the youngest. My two girls are 13 &  8. 
Is been like this for about a year and getting worse. Emotionally I don't think I can take much more. If I don't see them I get hurt and when I set them I hurt.
I think that I am rational. And I don't like the solution I think that I've found. I just stop seeing them and have pain and heal or I see them every two weeks and start the pain over again.
Life can be so cruel.

Amore. I realize that you still care a lot for your ex wife and manipulating children against the other is a terrible thing but often done. Daddy/Mommy left because you were a bad boy/girl or they didn't love you like I will and the like. Children take pointers from their parents.

My advice is to get a lawyer to make sure your parental rights are protected. Things are already bad enough don't let them get any worse.

As for your ex wife, no matter what you feel for her, I think it's pretty clear where you stand with her. She has turned her back on you and rather than trying to work this through, she kicked your behind to the curb. Life is full of pain and misery, but in time you'll feel better but look after yourself and don't let her win by giving in.

Best wishes, Amore. Time to begin to live for yourself.

Love,
Clare

Quote from: TG CLare on February 17, 2016, 04:37:01 PM
As for your ex wife, no matter what you feel for her, I think it's pretty clear where you stand with her. She has turned her back on you and rather than trying to work this through, she kicked your behind to the curb. Life is full of pain and misery, but in time you'll feel better but look after yourself and don't let her win by giving in.

^ This exactly! ^ Amore, I've been in your shoes so I have a fair idea of how you're feeling right now. You've suffered a huge loss and you're hurting badly, but no good will come from dwelling on it too hard. I know it's easier said than done, but for your own mental well-being, you need to make a conscious effort to look forward, not back.

Have you considered seeing a grief counsellor?

I really would like to go to a grief counselor but I am short on cash.

All that I have at this time is this huge amount of pain. I don't even feel I have the emotional energy to get my child this weekend I am all out. I am even regretting starting transitioning. If I did not do it maybe I would stil be married. She had her bad sides but also good sides I know she was hurting.

I don't know if she really moved on or is just hurting. She said she moved on but I know she will be too proud to admit she is hurting and caring.
I wanted to stop my transition for her to save my marriage and I did but that did not stop her. She kept telling me I am trans and she knows it and because she knows it it is a problem. Trans is a huge problem she can't look past it and she can't be married to someone that is transgender. Even if I stay a man she doesn't want to be married to me and this broke me and made me so scared of having it in my next relationship and being rejected by it that pshycologically I have to transitionion because of this. When I meet someone new one of the firts things I tell them is that I am trans before I start caring for them and build a friendship.

Because of her rejection I have a huge fear of being rejected. I feel worthless most of the time like a failure.

I feel my child deserves more than this person or trans woman that I am becoming. She believes she is going to replace me with a better father than I could have been. She does not realize that she was the person that broke me so much that I wanted to take my own life.

I confronted her about how much she hurted me and she denied it all not even a single sorry. Everything gets blamed on me and I said sorry like a million times already. Why can't some people say sorry for what they did!

She mislead me into transitioning at the end of the day she just pulled up her shoulders pointed finger and it was all me. She denied having any part in the choice. 

So here I am today wondering if I will ever trust anyone in my life again because of this woman. I feel that I am not meant to have someone and will rather spend my life alone with good friends rather than having someone close to me that can just hurt me again.

Except for not transitioning, or trying to reconcile with your ex (neither of which I think you should do), what could you do in order to feel more valuable?

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I had a girl drop me because she said I'd be better off being a woman. the next girl I fell for did the same thing to me. I gave up and haven't been with anyone since other then for sex. I still hurt from what happened to me , but I'm alive and making my way through life. I wish things were different and I had found someone along the way , but I didn't so I continue alone. I'm not the happiest person , but I do have my moments. I still have hope of someone excepting me for who I am.  Just last month I had some hope and met a woman who seemed to like me , but turned brutally cold when she saw me in one of my favorite dresses at a restaurant she came into to buy something. She looked at me and came over to talk to me , but I could tell she was holding back laughter. I haven't seen her since , but I'm at the point of absolute no return of my transition so I move on .and hopefully  before I pass someone will accept me for the short time we both have left on the planet. You just need to love yourself.

This all lets me wonder how conditional is your love for a spouse then you have children with that person and create a life but you are not willing to adapt to changes or unforeseen things like a spouse figuring out that the feelings he is having again is dysphoria. It not as if we chose it I don't expect a heterosexual woman to stay with me as a woman.

It is her choice if it works for her or not but I expected better from her even when I was at my weakest battling with dysphoria I wanted to be a man for her otherwise I would have just given up. My fear is about making the same mistake again. I have a man that can't wait to take me on a date but I am not ready. I am not ready for any kind of relationship other than friends with anyone. If they really like me then they would wait I have too much things on my list to worry about a relationship.  I will only go back to one relationship in my life but at what cost.

Do you really want to go back to someone knowing that you are going to make them unhappy just for the sake of the kid. I will have to walk on eggshells again. She will be abusive and controlling again. Is that a healthy way to spend the rest of your life is it a healthy environment for any child. Absolutely not and I as an adult must be able to see that now matter how much it hurts sitting here.

I believe she will find someone that is right for her she will expect perfection and we all know it does not exist. She told me the best thing she did in her life is too divorce me and that she is not attracted to me anymore she fell out of love with me also. Staying with me would have made her unhappy for the rest of her life. I don't want to be the reason for her unhappiness and I don't think my child also deserve to carry that burden on her shoulders of being the reason her mom is unhappy because she have to stay in a marriage with a transgender person that is staying a man because of the sake of the child.

I don't look forward to getting bashed each day for being trans by someone I love. No matter what you do you can't please this person. It is not fair towards myself towards her and my child. If she was willing to  reconcile then I would have done it but you haven't got much of a choice to work through your pain and move on if she does not want too.

Amore, when I transitioned I figured that it was it for me. I couldn't live the way I was and any romance in the future seemed remote, like finding a snowball in the middle of a desert at noon. However, with that being said, I found my snowball! Yes, I met a woman who wishes I had remained a man but has overlooked my transition. She has accepted me and while she is reluctant at this time to reciprocate some things, the fact remains she has taken baby steps in that direction.

Your ex wife may be hurting and in pain but even when you made the offer to stop your transition she still left you. I think that says how she feels about the whole issue.

Live for today and tomorrow will follow. Live for yourself because you are the one who has to get through this.

I wish you all the love in the world.

Love,
Clare

sometimes the only person who cares about you is yourself, and that blows. those are soul cracking times, to be sure, especially when it involves people who are "supposed" to love us but cant get past their own programming. try to remember that people are typically just ignorant, and that comes out in a lot of unpleasant ways, but don't internalize it. sometimes you gotta just do what makes you happy and let people come to you instead of worrying about pleasing people who dont work to do the same in return.

dont let people live in your head rent free. f the haters.

Well today was the moment I was waiting for so long the day when I was right and all of the bigots was wrong. What happened you may ask!

Well we went to a child therapist and guess what she said?

Well my child needs stability because she got anxiety issues.
But when it came to the transgender and transitioning issue guess what surfaced she had no children with a transgender parent suffer any significant trauma.

She only said if I want to dress female then I must be dressed female the whole time and every weekend not switch between male and female I must be female the whole time.

Or I can stay male and present male every weekend and ease her into it.

But she must know who is coming to pick her up and how this person is going to look. This is for stability and to lesson her anxiety.

Then I asked about divorce and she said the traumatic effects of a divorce lasts a lifetime. my wife asks about a new partner and the answer is this is traumatic for a child this makes them feel very insecure also.

She said the best situation and that makes a child most secure is one house.

O dont forget I asked what many people is acused me of that this will confuse my child and make her question her own gender well she said this is not true.

So her reason for trying to take me to court was just invalidated today and all the bigots that was standing and thinking out ->-bleeped-<- about how my transness is going to affect my childs life and ruin it. The genius step mother that think she is a pshycologist has to go and keep her "professional" opinion to herself. So I was given the green card today to transition.

That is what happens when your own game comes and bites you in the but.