I wish to offer greetings to everyone here at Susan's. I have been reading these forums for a few weeks now and decided it's time to finally post something.

My name is Amber and I am a 34 year old male living on the East coast of the US.  I am married with 2 young children and a third on the way.

I recently stumbled upon the concept that I may be (or more accurately, probably am) transgender.  I do not have the "classic narrative" of transgender.  Tbh, this came as quite a shock to me.  I do not have a strong recollection of events from my childhood due to it being a horrible experience that I would rather not think about.  I do remember being naive or indifferent about societal gender expectation as a young child.  I favored a pink blanket as a young child and remember wanting to get a She-Ra lunchbox for school.  However, I also was a huge football fan and enjoyed playing with all manner of "boy" toys such as guns, He-man figures, cars, etc.  I do recall being forced by my older sisters to play Barbie's and my little ponies with them, but it was mostly a shaming event for me so that I could get them to play with my toys with me.  Beyond that I grew up typically consistent with expected male expectations.

I have on occasion in adulthood experimented with cross dressing.  It was always brief and mostly an erotic fetish (or so I thought).  My wife and I have been together for 9 years now and she is open to experimentation.  We tried being intimate once while dressed a few years ago, but she didn't care for it, so it never happened again.  Back in November I decided to begin dressing again and it opened the floodgate to a whole new level of things.  I found myself with overwhelming desire to delve into the world of feminization and started seeing women with a sense of envy for their attributes.

I discussed this with my wife and she was incredibly supportive.  Her response was "I just want you to be happy".  So now we are slowly learning what this means for us and exploring our way into this new world.  I'm not 100% sure where this leads, but I have a strong suspicion it will lead to HRT and social transition, but not SRS as I have no dysphoria regarding my bits.  Sorry for the wall of text.  Thank you in advance for all your support and sharing.

Hi Amber, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. Not a wall of text at all, and the good news is your experience is similar to many of the people here. I had no glimmer of this until I was in my 40s. I'm now 29!  I'll be seeing you around the site, here's a copy of the welcome pamphlet.

Hugs, Devlyn

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Thank you for the welcome Devlyn.  Boston is a fun place as I recall from the few visits I've made there.  The wall of text was purposefully curtailed in the writing.  Brevity is a virtue.

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Sounds like you read my motto yesterday. 

"If I can't say it in twenty five words or less, I can't say it!"

Hi Amber, welcome to Susan's. Congrats on your wife being supportive. It's so wonderful to see when a spouse is supportive. I played with  barbies and the like when growing up with my sister. The only one embarrassed by it was my father. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Well my family was incredibly dysfunctional.  The Barbie's and mlp was mostly a way for them to get their jollies from my displeasure.  Luckily, I have no problem playing mlp with my 3 year old daughter.

The message of brevity really hit home a few years back while taking a 400 level econ course.  Economists typically don't care for fluff and filler.

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Hi Amber 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome! As you know, there's a lot of information here and people with varied experiences to offer advice.

Hi Amberwaves,

I too did not have the typical narrative. Have little recollection of my childhood, but it is slowly coming back(not a terrible childhood for me, though). Many similar aspects of your story and mine. However, while I never knew I had to be a girl, I never liked my male parts.

I have been married 25 years, with three teen daughters. It all caught up to me last year at age 50. Boy, did I feel dumb not realizing anything before then.

Ask questions if you need to.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey wherever and however far it takes you.

Joanna