So ever since about the age of 12, I had hidden urges to be female. However, while the desire was genuine, it was also strongly sexual. I would always become aroused to the idea, and I want to say I've almost never masturbated to anything other than the thought of being, or becoming a woman. Now, three months on hormones, the sex drive is bouncing back. At first I was super worried, because when it was gone, I was having doubts again. Now, it's back somewhat, and I often get horny over the fact that I'm becoming a girl again. I have no choice sometimes but to masturbate, and then... I don't want to say the desire goes away, but right after I finish, I get a sense of masculinity, and let's just say I don't exactly feel girly. Is it okay if so much of my transitional excitement and desire stems from the sexual? Otherwise, I've never been too much of a sexual person my whole life. I'm really worried about those conflicting feelings.

I also worry about the fact that I am still attracted to women, though I'm starting to feel myself going bi as I experiment. Of course I know that sexuality has nothing to do with gender, but it confuses me sometimes. It's like, do I want to be the guy with that girl? Or do I just want to be one of the girls. Well, it certainly leans toward the latter at the moment, and I'm scared of that desire wearing off. :/ Does anyone else have that problem? Maybe I'm just weird. Doesn't help when some people are telling me that it probably just means I have auto gynephelia, or some other crap. :/

There isn't a one fits all model of trans. The fact that your relationship with your gender identity involves a strong sexual component does not invalidate it. Don't worry if your experience is unique... because they all are. As for your worries that your desires will fade...why would that bother you if the desire wasn't genuine?

Quote from: Tamika Olivia on February 24, 2016, 03:49:04 PM
There isn't a one fits all model of trans. The fact that your relationship with your gender identity involves a strong sexual component does not invalidate it. Don't worry if your experience is unique... because they all are. As for your worries that your desires will fade...why would that bother you if the desire wasn't genuine?

Um it's weird. It's like my mind just cannot get this rigid way of looking at it out of my head. It's like I get all these second guesses, but I don't want them. I WANT to transition into female, but I feel like sometimes I'm forcing it and that scares me. I want it to be the natural, correct answer, and I don't want it to not be. I'm scared of losing my validation I guess. I don't know. :/

If you happen to find the secret to a transition without doubts or second guesses, you need to PM me and let me know. Honestly, I don't think that it exists, though. Despite our rather unique way of approaching life, trans people are just that... people. People have to move into the future with doubts and second guesses as carry on, and we're no exception to that. Transition tales are littered with false starts, reappraisals, recalculations, and resurgences... no one seems to get a natural, correct answer... we get good enough. I hope that you can find what it is you're looking for, but here's my strategy: One day at a time. If transition feels right this week, today, this minute... keep at it until it doesn't feel right. Hopefully that will get you through until you find what you need, or until you live a long and happy life, whichever comes first.

1) If you are transgender, how else would you be sexually aroused other than as female?

2) After you masturbate, apprehensions increase, because your gender decreases in value.

3) Most likely your gender will not drastically rearrange.

4) Transitioning is difficult, so I would expect it to feel that way. 

Quote from: Tamika Olivia on February 24, 2016, 04:21:41 PM
If you happen to find the secret to a transition without doubts or second guesses, you need to PM me and let me know. Honestly, I don't think that it exists, though. Despite our rather unique way of approaching life, trans people are just that... people. People have to move into the future with doubts and second guesses as carry on, and we're no exception to that. Transition tales are littered with false starts, reappraisals, recalculations, and resurgences... no one seems to get a natural, correct answer... we get good enough. I hope that you can find what it is you're looking for, but here's my strategy: One day at a time. If transition feels right this week, today, this minute... keep at it until it doesn't feel right. Hopefully that will get you through until you find what you need, or until you live a long and happy life, whichever comes first.

Right, of course. It's so complicated, and I have to realize that. Thank you. At the moment it feels like it is the right thing. I've yet to find anything to outweigh my decision, and side toward no. But the worries do scare me. :/ Maybe I could talk to you privately at some point? You seem so knowledgable. ^_^

Quote from: autumn08 on February 24, 2016, 05:04:35 PM
1) If you are transgender, how else would you be sexually aroused other than as female?

2) After you masturbate, apprehensions increase, because your gender decreases in value.

3) Most likely your gender will not drastically rearrange.

4) Transitioning is difficult, so I would expect it to feel that way. 

1. Right! Makes sense, thank you. I guess I just worry about still having the male arousal too. Like it feels fully penis-concentrated most of the times. Maybe that will change. Hope it does.

2. Oh okay, so it makes sense?

3. Sorry, not entirely sure what you mean by this. I'm just dumb. Has nothing to do with your wording. XD

4. It is. It really is. I gotta realize that. Thank you <3

Gender identity & sexual preference are not related. Loving women as a TG woman yourself is perfectly normal. It's only natural that unless you were not attracted to men before, that you would not be now.

The way you see yourself sexually will be something you work out in time. I'm a pre-transition TG woman that has functional genitalia, but no desire to use it on another woman. I usually pleasure myself while fantisizing that I'm doing it as a woman.

It can get confusing, but you just need to decide what your comfortable with & not what box your sexuality/gender fits into. Eventually you will find What makes you happy

Quote from: RedheadWhovian on February 24, 2016, 06:08:03 PM
1. Right! Makes sense, thank you. I guess I just worry about still having the male arousal too. Like it feels fully penis-concentrated most of the times. Maybe that will change. Hope it does.

2. Oh okay, so it makes sense?

3. Sorry, not entirely sure what you mean by this. I'm just dumb. Has nothing to do with your wording. XD

4. It is. It really is. I gotta realize that. Thank you <3

1) In your fantasies you are always female, so I think you feel your masturbation is penis concentrated, because that is what you are using. 

2) Yes. Let me try a different approach. For you, removing sexuality from transition, is like removing the Doctor from Doctor Who. After masturbation, wait a few minutes and see how you feel.

3) You're not dumb. I was addressing your fear that your desire to be female will wear off.

4) My pleasure.

Quote from: RedheadWhovian on February 24, 2016, 03:03:45 PM
Now, three months on hormones, the sex drive is bouncing back. At first I was super worried, because when it was gone, I was having doubts again. Now, it's back somewhat, and I often get horny over the fact that I'm becoming a girl again. I have no choice sometimes but to masturbate, and then... I don't want to say the desire goes away, but right after I finish, I get a sense of masculinity, and let's just say I don't exactly feel girly. Is it okay if so much of my transitional excitement and desire stems from the sexual?

Sure it's okay.  You're transitioning to life as a woman, not to life as a nun!  Practically all cis women have sexual desire and interest, and trans women are not different in that regard.

Don't feel bad about masturbation.  Practically everyone does it.  It's pleasurable and healthy and it hurts no one.  For some reason, we were all socialized to be ashamed of it, but that's totally irrational.  Masturbation is useful because it keeps us in touch with our sexual selves and helps us understand better how to give pleasure to others.

And don't worry that your sexual feelings are wired together with your male anatomy.  That's what you have to work with at the moment.  Through HRT and the behavioral and emotional changes you are experiencing in transition, you can expect that a lot will change about the way you experience and enjoy sex.  Enjoy it as it unfolds!

Don't be alarmed if there are times when your sexual interest fades.  People commonly experience that as an effect of m to f HRT.  You may also find that you don't experience erection or ejaculation in the way you are used to.  As the changes unfold, keep in touch with your sexual side, and also explore new erotic feelings that may develop.  (new feelings in breasts, lips, etc.)  As an example, if you reach a point at which you are no longer experiencing erection, keep on exploring to find out what still feels sexy and good.  You'll be surprised at all the things you find.

If you go all the way through to GCS (not everyone does), then you will have a whole new genital anatomy to work with.  Surgery techniques have advanced to the point that most women will be able to find sexual pleasure and orgasm with the new structures.  But it requires patience and effort to reconnect your sexual self with the new landscape.  (Nerves need to reconnect, and also you'll have to rethink a lot of how you experience sexual feelings.)  You'll have a better outcome if you make a conscious effort to keep in touch with your sexual side all the way through transition.  Practice helps!  And it feels good, too!

Quote from: Adchop on February 24, 2016, 06:40:58 PM
Gender identity & sexual preference are not related. Loving women as a TG woman yourself is perfectly normal. It's only natural that unless you were not attracted to men before, that you would not be now.

The way you see yourself sexually will be something you work out in time. I'm a pre-transition TG woman that has functional genitalia, but no desire to use it on another woman. I usually pleasure myself while fantisizing that I'm doing it as a woman.

It can get confusing, but you just need to decide what your comfortable with & not what box your sexuality/gender fits into. Eventually you will find What makes you happy

This helps me, thank you! I am starting to experiment more with my sexuality as a woman, and I really enjoy it. Wish I had tips though. XD

Quote from: itsApril on February 24, 2016, 08:07:37 PM
Sure it's okay.  You're transitioning to life as a woman, not to life as a nun!  Practically all cis women have sexual desire and interest, and trans women are not different in that regard.

Don't feel bad about masturbation.  Practically everyone does it.  It's pleasurable and healthy and it hurts no one.  For some reason, we were all socialized to be ashamed of it, but that's totally irrational.  Masturbation is useful because it keeps us in touch with our sexual selves and helps us understand better how to give pleasure to others.

And don't worry that your sexual feelings are wired together with your male anatomy.  That's what you have to work with at the moment.  Through HRT and the behavioral and emotional changes you are experiencing in transition, you can expect that a lot will change about the way you experience and enjoy sex.  Enjoy it as it unfolds!

Don't be alarmed if there are times when your sexual interest fades.  People commonly experience that as an effect of m to f HRT.  You may also find that you don't experience erection or ejaculation in the way you are used to.  As the changes unfold, keep in touch with your sexual side, and also explore new erotic feelings that may develop.  (new feelings in breasts, lips, etc.)  As an example, if you reach a point at which you are no longer experiencing erection, keep on exploring to find out what still feels sexy and good.  You'll be surprised at all the things you find.

If you go all the way through to GCS (not everyone does), then you will have a whole new genital anatomy to work with.  Surgery techniques have advanced to the point that most women will be able to find sexual pleasure and orgasm with the new structures.  But it requires patience and effort to reconnect your sexual self with the new landscape.  (Nerves need to reconnect, and also you'll have to rethink a lot of how you experience sexual feelings.)  You'll have a better outcome if you make a conscious effort to keep in touch with your sexual side all the way through transition.  Practice helps!  And it feels good, too!

Thank you for the lovely response <3 *hugs*

This helps me. It's nice to know that feeling sexual about this whole experience isn't an invalidation. At least I hope not. Sometimes though, I look at pictures of myself all dressed up, and I think stuff like "Dang! I'm hot! I would totally date me," or "I look so cute! I've become the girl I would date!" That sounds like it could just be me having some creepy fetish/sociopathic/ego tendencies. I don't want that to be the case. :/ Wish I knew how to start embracing my sexuality as a woman as well. Ugh.

Quote from: RedheadWhovian on February 25, 2016, 12:36:05 AM
It's nice to know that feeling sexual about this whole experience isn't an invalidation. At least I hope not. Sometimes though, I look at pictures of myself all dressed up, and I think stuff like "Dang! I'm hot! I would totally date me," or "I look so cute! I've become the girl I would date!" That sounds like it could just be me having some creepy fetish/sociopathic/ego tendencies. I don't want that to be the case. :/ Wish I knew how to start embracing my sexuality as a woman as well. Ugh.

You might think about it this way: You've been living inside a male identity for many years.  You already know its limitations.  It's like a shell.  Inside that shell, your female identity Katie is taking shape.  As transition advances, she is beginning to emerge.

Love and trust Katie as she emerges.  And there's nothing wrong with being excited about the possibilities (whether emotional or sexual) that she brings with her.

Quote from: itsApril on February 25, 2016, 02:14:39 PM
You might think about it this way: You've been living inside a male identity for many years.  You already know its limitations.  It's like a shell.  Inside that shell, your female identity Katie is taking shape.  As transition advances, she is beginning to emerge.

Love and trust Katie as she emerges.  And there's nothing wrong with being excited about the possibilities (whether emotional or sexual) that she brings with her.

That's beautiful! X_X And it makes a lot of sense. I guess it confuses me, because so many transgender women seem to just immediately feel so much better once transition starts. It must feel so right to them. I have the desire, so why at times does it feel weird? and why is it that it takes hours after masturbation for the desire to come back? :/