Welcome to Susan's Place JBme. Your wife might divorce you but as for the kid's most places you should still be able to see them. Containing the feelings is extremely difficult and if you feel the need to do something about it, your first stop should be a lawyer. Many people have not taken this advice and paid a heavy price. If there is anything I can help you with, feel free to ask as I am here to help people however I can.

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@JBme....

I am so sorry to hear that!!! I don't know what I would do in that situation... It really hurts my feelings and makes me angry that anybody could be that way... I understand though. I told my wife in the beginning that I would never do anything she wasn't comfortable with, but even then she said that we will figure it out because we could never be happy together if we couldn't both be ourselves. And she was right. The more I explored, the happier I have become, and it has affected the household environment in a hugely positive way. I hope you can find a way to be happy, as I don't know how I could ever live without my kids... And I would sacrifice this if I had to in order to stay with my wife. Good luck in the future, maybe if you can talk to her a little at a time she'll make some compromises for you...

And after the at post here, I don't feel so bad saying it... If you feel the need to transition, maybe do talk to a lawyer and vet things settled with the kids beforehand, and you won't have to worry about that. I don't know your wife, or how strong your feelings are for each other, but my wife was right when she told me I can't keep holding this in. I am a better person now, and treat others around me better because I am happier. I even stand up for myself more since I don't feel like I am doing something.... Wrong. I am truly saddened though that you ha e to endure that kind of rejection.

Tasha

Tasha

Eh, your right about doing something. She had a very harsh upbringing herself so her reaction was no surprise. I have talked to her about going to therapy with me so that's a start. I have started making my body more feminine but just through exercises and such. I am hoping that through this she may become a little more open. Honestly I think my first stop should b therapy though because I do need help with what I'm going through. As far as a lawyer goes that will be the last step. No matter my opinion I do have to put my children first and if there is even a chance I'm going to shoot for it. Thanks for the reply though I just found this site and it's so wonderful to be able to talk about it even just a little.

Well stick around. I honestly wish I would have found this place a long time ago. A year ago I started going through this with my wife, and wow, it was like the nearly blind leading the blind!!! The exception here was that my wife has always been a huge supporter of lgbtq and... Our rights (almost said their rights lol)... So she was a little farther along the understanding spectrum even though I was always accepting of others being that way, it wasn't okay for me. If I would have had a support structure I may have been less freaked out about all of it, and at least had some advice on how to start doing some things in public. Every small victory I had was like a three week celebration I swear... And it was.... Is still hard to take another step... But now at least I can ask for help!! I really hope your wife comes around enough to accept how you feel and make compromises... I already know that my bigot brother I  law is going to say that my nephew will no longer be able to visit us, because a cousin of his transitioning and he already cut him off. I'm already sad and I haven't even let that part of the family know yet.

Welcome, and good luck!!!

Tasha

We're making progress...  as I suspected, her vision of transgender people until last night was that they were all looking like men in dresses, with too much make up, like that homeless trans she had seen a few months back in a store.

Thanks for ->-bleeped-<-'s transtimelines, I showed her what could happen if I ever went the hormone route. Some of those girls are absolutely beautiful, and the first example I pointed out was of a 34yo trans woman, very similar to me.

That sort of changed her mind almost in an instant. It was interesting... As if "I can't be with a woman", changed into "Well, I might be able to hangout with someone like her". That second part is not something she said, but I definitely felt a change.

In short, she had a bad view of what a trans person would look like, and showing her a few examples helped shift that view.

Something for you girls to think about.

Quote from: JBme on February 24, 2016, 09:47:14 PM
Eh, your right about doing something. She had a very harsh upbringing herself so her reaction was no surprise. I have talked to her about going to therapy with me so that's a start.

I'm glad she is considering this. I hope it will turn her around.

I am glad you guys are able to be open like this, it's going to good for both of you!!

I am super happy for you that your wife didn't freak out.  It's a tough road we are on, but we have each other for support.  I am amazed at the number of us around the same age discovering this aspect of ourselves near the same time.  My wife seems to be becoming more comfortable with me dressing around the house, but she is still a little weirded out by the sight of me in makeup.  We are going slowly and I keep trying to pry how she feels about things out of her.  Unfortunately, she is a fairly closed off person emotionally.  She is also 24 weeks pregnant with our first son, so that doesn't help the emotions.  Since I stated to embrace my feminine side I have been a better person at home and a better father.  Looking forward to hearing about how your journey is going in the future.

Amber

My wife actually got me started with makeup, had no interest before that... But the breast thing has her a little weirded out... And she is already dreading the day I shave my beard.... She knows it's coming, but she feels like its the last masculine thing to go, besides my "parts" lol.....

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 11:35:21 AM
I am super happy for you that your wife didn't freak out.  It's a tough road we are on, but we have each other for support.  I am amazed at the number of us around the same age discovering this aspect of ourselves near the same time.  My wife seems to be becoming more comfortable with me dressing around the house, but she is still a little weirded out by the sight of me in makeup.

She hasn't seen me with make up yet, only with makeup leftovers when I really didn't try hard to hide things. With her being a makeup artist, I think we both could have a lot of fun! ;-)

I shaved my goatee off about a year ago.  She preferred me with it, but it's my face and she accepts that.  Darn thing was starting to go grey anyway.  I don't do breastforms.  She knows I would like to do HRT and has a few misgivings about that.  I have no intentions of SRS.  That was one of our agreements the penis stays.  Which is fine because I like that part.  She did my makeup once.  It was nice, but tbh she doesn't wear makeup often and I have a different complexion than her.  It's an interesting time for us to say the least.

Quote from: confusedlauren on February 25, 2016, 11:52:10 AM
She hasn't seen me with make up yet, only with makeup leftovers when I really didn't try hard to hide things. With her being a makeup artist, I think we both could have a lot of fun! ;-)

Wow, I could only wish for a makeup artist.  That will be soon much fun when you get to experience it.  Turns out I am far more "girly" than her.  Now we know where my youngest daughter gets it from, lol.

Be sure to do some research on th HRT... I have decided against it because I want to be the same person... We like my sex drive the way it is.... And I've read that it can have unwanted side effects... Harder to keep up, and not as hard... Besides that, I have a hard enough time dealing with my emotions as it is. I would love the lowered body hair, and if you start before puberty it gives the hips and breasts I want.... But I don't think it's right for us.... As for breast forms, that's kinda new, we are looking for some now as at the moment I stuff a bra, and it doesn't look right...

See I am in the opposite camp with regard to HRT.  I have done significant research and have decided to do it.  It seems that functional loss is not a guarantee and something I can work with the dr about.  As far as the emotions, etc.  I am already the moodiest man I've even known, so I'm willing to try.  If anything it should let me feel all the emotions Ive repressed.  Each journey is unique and we must weigh the available options and choose for ourselves.  I don't advocate any particular path for anyone.  I do love discussing how we are dealing with our changes, though.

Definitely agree, I don't advocate one way or the other either... But it feels wonderful to talk openly to someone and have real conversations about what we are going through!!! Did you or do you see a gender therapist or any other for this?

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 11:52:37 AM
I shaved my goatee off about a year ago.  She preferred me with it, but it's my face and she accepts that.  Darn thing was starting to go grey anyway.  I don't do breastforms.  She knows I would like to do HRT and has a few misgivings about that.  I have no intentions of SRS.  That was one of our agreements the penis stays.  Which is fine because I like that part.  She did my makeup once.  It was nice, but tbh she doesn't wear makeup often and I have a different complexion than her.  It's an interesting time for us to say the least.

I typically only shaved once every week or two... then recently, daily. She didn't like when it was too long anyway: "Can you go shave please, you look like a bum" (She was right, I did)

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 12:10:36 PM
See I am in the opposite camp with regard to HRT.  I have done significant research and have decided to do it.  It seems that functional loss is not a guarantee and something I can work with the dr about.  As far as the emotions, etc.  I am already the moodiest man I've even known, so I'm willing to try.  If anything it should let me feel all the emotions Ive repressed.  Each journey is unique and we must weigh the available options and choose for ourselves.  I don't advocate any particular path for anyone.  I do love discussing how we are dealing with our changes, though.

Same here, I think I want HRT... The answer regarding any side effects and whatnot is always YMMV... so who knows what's going to happen. And same here, I like discussing these changes and what it might bring. Just this morning, she brought up the "how would we call you???", "Well, I don't know... that's something I'd like us to figure out together if we end up going that route..."

I didn't look like a bum, but she did not care for a full beard, or just the moustache.  I only have to shave every other day.  Though I do daily now.  I have incredibly oily and sensitive skin and end up with all kinds of acne on my cheeks if I let it go more than 3 or 4 days anyway.

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I started a new thread in the parent of this one so we can stop "hijacking" this one. I didn't realize how far we were going. It's called general talk about personal journeys....

I am lucky, in that my wife found my makeup stash early on in our relationship. She married me anyway and never mentioned it again. When I told her a few weeks ago that it was something I cannot control. I just have an innate desire to be female. We've been married for over 30 years. She said something I was shocked to hear. We love you she said. Not the packaging. It does not matter. You are a great father and your kids love you to death. It does not change how I feel about you, how we feel about you.  I began cross dressing at about age 12. My mother had dressed me in my sisters costumes complete with makeup. Then she would tell me how pretty I looked. It was the only time I ever remember her praising me. Yes I have Mommy issues. But beyond that I have always been more comfortable around girls then boys. They always seemed so much more interesting than boys. I would love to start HRT but have too many health issues. Good Luck. Be true to yourself because in the end, it is your life and the only one you will ever have.