I'm 29, and non-transitioning.

I was a very small child when I realized my gender wasn't what people told me it was. From the age of five, I was convinced I was "supposed" to be a girl, no matter what people called me. It's manifested as a life-long depressive disorder, of which I was diagnosed at eight.

Major depressive episodes of roughly year ago or so finally forced me to examine my gender issues rather than suppress them. More recently I've discovered "female" doesn't fit me any better than "male" does. I share qualities of both.

I've stopped caring about which it's supposed to be, and am more interested in just expressing me. I no longer have any interest in finding more words to describe (or reshape, to my mind) whatever that is.

*Puts hand up*

The doctor will refer me to a gender clinic where I want to talk to a gender counselor in order to work things out. My gender lies somewhere in-between but the dial can shift one way more (usually female). I don't want to transition to female but lose dose HRT is something I'd consider. But I'll have plenty of time to think about it.

I have thought for years that my mom was raped by a alien. I seem to fit into the cracks of this world. Nothing is a perfect fit for me. I am a man that can identify as a women.  I wear femme clothing almost entirely.  I think as both male and female. I have come to realize that i am not alone in this. I do believe i am a DES child. I am over 60 now and i can deal with what life has given me.  I am who i am.  I try to be a good human being, but really dont know what that means other than i believe in karma.  Dont do to others what you dont want done to you.  Ok world here i am. Take me as i am or leave me alone.  Yes this has been a long strange trip, and as my ships nears my destination i am content.

I'm still around.  Just have no time to really post or read much.

I login maybe once a week and keep my HRT thread maintained with a post every few months or so.

AMAB, living male, hormonally female-ish.  Go figure. 

Hi I`m Teema,i spent most of my life trying to live up to what a "man" should be.And finding it very difficult.I`d never heard of androgynes until I took the cogiatti test,then suddenly things made sense.I realised I was after all a valid human being and not a failure.Being androgyne made me feel unique and special and I think we are.I`m male bodied,though I do work on my appearance to look more andro.I dress sometimes for fun at home but makeup is really too much faff for me,so even if i could i wouldn't want to transition,i`m happy as i am!

Hi, I'm Florian. I'm a 17 year old neutrois/gender-neutral person... I've felt like this for pretty much as long as I can remember but I only discovered the term 'non-binary' just over a year ago. Since then, it's been onwards and upwards, and I now have a better idea of who I am and I feel like I can love and accept myself!

Hi, I'm B. I don't know what to call myself. I don't dislike my given male name and have never suffered body dysporia. In fact I've always been glad to have a male body because the operation and maintenance just seems so much easier to me than a female one. What can I say, I'm lazy and selfish.

From a very early age I've been attracted to pretty things. I'm 49 now and for 44 years I ignored my urges to wear dresses, blouses and skirts, paint my nails, try makeup. I grew up in a world where boys didn't do that. It wasn't that my parents were bigots, far from it, I think they just worried about how I'd fit into the world. I learned to ignore the urges and spent many years trying to be "normal". When I finally gave in to the growing need to express the inner me, I felt like a freaky perv until I found this place and was liberated by the truth.

I've since come out to my wife and kids. Kids are 100% supportive and didn't bat an eyelid but my wife is still uncomfortable with my dressing. We've been together over 30 years, I don't know if our marriage will survive but I hope so and I'm sure we will always be friends.

I've always found it as easy to relate to women as men and have firm friendships with both. If I had to pick a label for myself it would be genderqueer. I'm not fluid and feel pretty much the same about my gender all the time. I'm neither and both. I present mostly male to the outside world though my time spent here has given me the courage to dress increasingly ambiguously and I'm starting to get some priceless looks when out and about. I even get a thrill from the disapproving scowls. I actually feel sorry for these people in their ignorance. I get lots of smiles too, which is lovely.

I've prattled on long enough. Thanks for reading. It is a priveledge to be here with all of you. Thanks you for being here.

B

I'm a 24 y/o afab demi-guy (). Still not entirely sure about that part.

Sent from my SPH-L720T using Tapatalk

Quote from: nicole99 on September 19, 2015, 03:08:01 PM
I do like the idea of body mind maps, and perhaps our brain holding a map for a body that I did not have. So the part dealing with my vulva and curves had to be jury rigged to make use of the body I did have. I likened it to phantom limb syndrome. It may be complete crap but it was a way of explaining my dysphoria to others and myself. I could feel the curves that should of been there and my penis was this foreign object that while fun was not mine.

Interesting that someone else uses this terminology. I have a desire to have male parts, and can sometimes on a subconscious level almost feel them, like a "phantom penis."

I´m 28, lived for 27 years as a straight tomboy, but was never completely comfortable in my own skin. I missed people I could relate to.

I see myself as male now, about 80%, the other 20% is female, although my hormones cause that pattern to shift and fluctuate now and then. Therefore I consider myself to be male and non-binary 

Funny enough I don´t see myself as trans so much, because I´ve always felt male - a genderqueer male.

Okay, it is really good for my mood to read this thread.  Wow.  There are so many people like me!

My gender is still all over the place, and I have no idea.  I thought that genderfluidity was just a phase.  I'm starting to worry that it's here to stay.

I've identified several modes.  Boymode is straightforward, but painful because I still have lots of internalized transphobia when I'm in that headspace; for instance, I'm utterly ashamed of having been seen in a skirt.  Femdrogynous is where I feel happiest -- I enjoy looking feminine and I find myself behaving in a more feminine manner; but I don't anguish over my manly voice or body.  Sometimes I experience a bi/pan-gender mode where two or more genders are present simultaneously -- this is challenging, but I think it's kinda neat in its own way.  I haven't felt genuinely feminine for several months.  I don't know if that's gone or if I'm secretly MTF and still in denial about it.

I've been trying to make observations about my genderfluidity in a nonjudgemental way.  I'm watching, and looking for triggers.  Last time I had sex, I suddenly felt very feminine.  When I talked to my brother and learned that he's grieving the loss of his brother, it sent me into boymode.  It's like a trick knee -- strong emotions set my gender in motion.

HI i'm new here, Jason, 27, i ID as nonbinary, although I'm sure there's a more specific word to fit my identity. Let's just say my gender is mostly undefinable, and leave it at that.

I want to go on a low dose of T to get a slightly more masculine and hopefully more "in-between" presentation. but I'm pregnant right now so my physical transition is on the backburner for a little bit (only six months to go )

I don't know how I didn't see this thread before. I had stopped coming to Susan's as often because the non-binary area seemed so quiet. I have only just started identifying as such and needed to explore that in full. I didn't want to disrupt the binary threads too much. I came here early in 2015 right as I was reaching self acceptance and got so much help and support. I love this place!

I still need to go back and read the rest of the thread but I had to post now!

Okay, so my gender has always found its way back to the word tomboy, that isn't just my expression it is my gender. Trans tomboy. Being trans is really important to me. My past, present and future are a unified whole. Pre transition I felt like a 50/50 blend of male and female and now I feel more like 70/30 with female in the dominant. My trouble before was not being able to express my femininity, part of that was that my body needed to change to be more feminine. But I needed to still have an athletic frame. To be alowed to have hairy arms if I want. I have decided too that publicly I have one name but legally I still have my birth name. And until such a moment comes when I can put trans down as my gender marker I don't care if I am legally male or female. I am recognized as feminine everywhere I go nowadays and I like being able to raise the question in someone's mind. To force them to realize I am trans. I think being trans should be as celebrated as being male or female. I am not wholly male or female I am a bit of both and neither, I am trans. I am a feminine person who was born with male parts and swapped them out who continues to enjoy the stuff of masculinity and femininity in equal measure.

I have been away for a while and decided to check in on a whim  It was good to see some familiar faces so I opened an account and am reconnecting

Hi, I'm very new here, just introduced in the main area yesterday and the non-binary intros today.  I just saw this thread and it's wonderful!  So many people so similar to me!

I am A/DMAB and expressed male my whole life, including now (although at this very moment I'm wearing only women's clothes) but I have always had an issue with my maleness.  Over the past year I've been exploring my identity, particularly after three or so different events last June and I've been progressively realizing that I'm very much a girl on the inside, at least part of time.  I've been gradually coming out to my wife and kids, exposing them to my underdressing and wearing women's jeans and very modest make-up (so modest that it's unlikely anyone at work even noticed).  Today I fully came out to my wife as trans/non-binary and explained how I often wished I were a girl.  She responded in the most accepting way I could imagine, she asked me to get dressed for the day (I was sitting around in a bathrobe drinking coffee and she knew I was wearing lace pink panties and a cami) and she offered me her new leggings and striped turtle neck and told me she married me because I was a feminine guy and it was OK.

I find this all very liberating and it helps me feel both more feminine and more comfortable that I'm a guy.

So, I'm a girl, and I'm a guy, and it sounds like there are a lot of us.

DeeDee

I am proud to be non binary

Quote from: Allison Wunderland on September 17, 2015, 10:26:16 PM
We're entirely clear that we're cis-M, and not "stuck in the wrong body." We just WISH we were cis-F, the full-boat, menstruation, no androgen damage, etc.

YES, Allison!  Wow, Yes, if I could be a girl now with functioning parts, hells to the yeah, I'd do it.  I dream about such a world often.  Even better (for me anyway) if it were possible to go back and forth, I think I'd stay a girl once I was there but I do feel my gender varies on the continuum from day to day or even minute to minute.  I'm mostly girl though inside though I'm learning, the boy is mostly on the outside but I agree, I'm not stuck in the wrong body.

Hugs,
DeeDee

Quote from: HughE on September 18, 2015, 05:42:39 PM
I've got enough in common with the DES "babes" I've chatted to over the last couple of years to know I had some kind of exposure to synthetic hormones, which I think must have been during the second trimester only (so I had normal male hormone levels and male brain development during the third trimester of my prenatal development).

Interesting, I didn't know about the associations of DES beyond cancer until reading your post and then the Wikipedia article.  I'm fairly certain my mother stopped taking DES long before my birth but my sister (14 years older) is very much a DES daughter, having had a complex vaginal/cervical cancer that was tied to it and I suppose some latency/residual effects may have affected me.  Although I neither know nor particularly care if I had any exposure to DES or any other synthetic (or natural) hormones, the topic is interesting and it might be an interesting tool to "explain" my non-binary nature to others, especially if I start expressing more towards the female.

Hugs,
DeeDee

Hi.

Hi
I am male 53 just coming out as non-gender and tell friends that I am also a eunuch.
Bjorn