Quote from: PrincessButtercup on February 22, 2016, 01:32:32 PM
Thanks for that. I'm in a much better headspace now that my anti-anxiety meds have kicked in. Yesterday was a month since he came out to me. Apparently that's some sort of monumental milestone to survive, so yay us.

We had to run to the store for a couple of things, including body wash for him since he ran out. He's been using heavily scented men's stuff like Axe and the like. Yesterday I suggested the Olay stuff since he wants to moisturize his skin. He was going to get that, but then decided on one that was more androgynous. I commend myself for not only suggesting it, but not having a freak out over it.

If he keeps to his word about going more androgynous and less feminine, then I'll survive it and so shall our marriage. I know he wants to eventually, well probably sooner than later, start wearing women's clothes around the house. That will take some time for me to get used to, but I'll be fine with it - to me clothes are just a societal necessity more than anything else. But, I shall cross that bridge when I get to it.

Still a bit miffed that he bought a dress for himself that I picked out for me (I didn't get it after that), but he saw it first and such is this life.  I'm sure it will happen again and again in the future.

You're wonderful:) keep doing the little things:) whilst caring for you to!
I used to and actually still like to give my ex bras and woman things.

Keep strong together you can do this:)

Further up a lovely person mentioned your partner slowing down so you can keep up I agree:) you need to go through the process fully together:)
The SO feels allot of pain through all of this. Together you can make it:)


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Well I don't know about anyone else but I think it's adorable you both wanted to buy the same dress :p

Sorry, I'm sure it sucks for you as you're still acclimating to such a huge change. But you're doing amazingly well, even going so far as to recommend a distinctly feminine body wash? Kudos to you. It always makes me happy to see people taking a bad situation and trying to make the best of it. It's something I'm certainly not able to do all the time!

Yesterday evening was my first meeting with the gender therapist. I think it well very well. I scheduled 2 more appointments over the next month.

We discussed my initial reaction to the news, how I was completely taken by surprise, how I've been handling things, what I would like to see happen, what I feel I need to do if the worst possible outcome becomes a reality, and many other things. All in all, she feels I'm handling things about as well as can be expected and reassured me that I'm not crazy or being unreasonable in my expectations. It was nice to hear that from an experienced, licensed professional.

I know there's still a lot of work to be done and we have a very long way to go, but the task seems a little less insurmountable.

that's good. I like my therapist a lot , I see her once a week

Quote from: stephaniec on February 24, 2016, 01:00:59 PM
that's good. I like my therapist a lot , I see her once a week

I figure I'll see her every couple of weeks (I'm going to the same therapist as my husband, I figured that would give us both greater benefit since we both have signed forms saying she can talk to the other about us and use that in sessions) for the first couple of months and then drop off to once every month or so as I need it. I really don't see me going all that regularly since it's more of a support mechanism than a soul searching one for me. I just need an unbiased sounding board to let me know if I'm on a good path or not, and let me know if I'm over/under-reacting to situations. For the SO it's a whole different type of therapy than what the trans person needs.

That's good, so you noticed I was trans( just kidding)

Quote from: stephaniec on February 24, 2016, 01:14:31 PM
That's good, so you noticed I was trans( just kidding)

OMG, really?!?! I never would've noticed. LOL. 

thanks

It's been a few (busy) days, but I feel I owe an update. The last several days have been remarkably good. It seems we've moved past a bump and have settled into a bit of normalcy. I know we have many bumps in our future, but those too we shall traverse together.

A couple of days ago we needed to go shopping for a new suit for my husband. After picking that out along with some other men's clothing for him, I said I wanted to stop by the ladies under garments. They were having quite a sale. So, along with picking out a few things in my size, I picked out a few in his. As we were getting in the car he made a half joking comment about him being proud of me for not freaking out by doing that. I reminded him that I really don't care if he wants to wear his or hers underwear - it's all the same to me and so long as he doesn't steal mine, I'm fine with whatever he chooses to put on each day.  When we arrived home, he opened his new corset that had arrived earlier. It reminded me that I still had a very expensive true Victorian one in my drawer that is now much too large for my (now) small size. He tried it on and it fit him, so I handed it over.

And so our lives continue...

that's nice

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on February 27, 2016, 12:55:19 PM
It's been a few (busy) days, but I feel I owe an update. The last several days have been remarkably good. It seems we've moved past a bump and have settled into a bit of normalcy. I know we have many bumps in our future, but those too we shall traverse together.

A couple of days ago we needed to go shopping for a new suit for my husband. After picking that out along with some other men's clothing for him, I said I wanted to stop by the ladies under garments. They were having quite a sale. So, along with picking out a few things in my size, I picked out a few in his. As we were getting in the car he made a half joking comment about him being proud of me for not freaking out by doing that. I reminded him that I really don't care if he wants to wear his or hers underwear - it's all the same to me and so long as he doesn't steal mine, I'm fine with whatever he chooses to put on each day.  When we arrived home, he opened his new corset that had arrived earlier. It reminded me that I still had a very expensive true Victorian one in my drawer that is now much to large for my (now) small size. He tried it on and it fit him, so I handed it over.

And so our lives continue...

Sharing is caring 

I've noticed the last few days I've been very withdrawn from everything again - as if I'm avoiding the world in general, though primarily social interaction unless forced. I just seem to be more anxious than usual and waiting for the next shoe (high heel/pump?) to drop. I don't know why, I just am. Perhaps it's because things have mostly slipped back to the way they were before I found out he suffered from TG to the point that life seems rather normal and comfortable again, but, yet I know it's bound to explode in my face anytime.

Why, oh why can't I be happy and simply enjoy this reprieve from the hell I was previously in?

sorry your in this purgatory , It's difficult to say the least when you have no control over what's going on in your partners brain. Your partner probably doesn't exactly know what's going on. It took me a lifetime to sort things out because I couldn't turn to anyone for help and I didn't exactly know what was happening to me. Openness and counseling are probably your best bet.

Thank you. I'm trying to enjoy the present and not stress too much about the future, it's just very difficult. The anti-anxiety meds aren't helping as much as I had hoped. I've had one session with the gender therapist and I have another coming up early next week. Hopefully that tempers my anxiety a bit. I just have no idea what I'm supposed to talk to this person about. I'm not very good about letting people in - I've let very few people in life truly know me, and over half of those have hurt me quite a bit or betrayed me in some way. So, I have a very difficult time trusting people.

your therapist is a licensed professional. Just tell him/her what the problem is and be honest. you can't heal unless they know your concerns.

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on March 05, 2016, 09:10:36 PM
I just have no idea what I'm supposed to talk to this person about. I'm not very good about letting people in - I've let very few people in life truly know me, and over half of those have hurt me quite a bit or betrayed me in some way. So, I have a very difficult time trusting people.

I think a lot of people feel this way when they first start therapy. At least I did. When people you cared about and trusted hurt you, how can you possibly let a stranger in? How much more likely are they to wreck up the place once they get in?

But a good therapist will ask the right questions and only go as deep and quick as you're comfortable. It took me a good 8 months to get to the point where I'm not scared about telling her things that make me vulnerable. I know that seems like a really long time, and is perhaps longer than you're willing to give, but it's not like she wasn't any help at all during that time. And it may not take that long for you.

As for what to talk about, I struggled with that too at first. If you have any expectations it might not be a bad idea to let them know up front so you can have a dialogue about it. But you can start with the same reason you made this thread, how you've dealt with it since being told, the day to day ups and downs. And it can be helpful to write down things you want to bring up at your appointments as they pop into your head during the time between appointments.

Take care!

I know I can't last 8 months in therapy. There's just not enough for me to talk about for an hour at a time for that long. I expect I might last 2 at most.

I did discuss the roller coaster that I've been on from day-to-day, hour-you-hour, and how frequently I end up crying myself to sleep on nights I don't over medicate with sleeping pills.

And we talked about how my trust issues are far worse now than they ever were - my last husband cheated on me for years, so that left more than a bit of trust issues when I already wasn't the most open and trusting individual. Honestly, I almost think I would've better dealt with my current husband cheating than telling me he suffers from TG. At least then I'd know what I was up against and how to work through it. But this, this is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my 46 years of life and if I had a magic wand, I'd make it all not exist, or at the very least, make it so I stayed ignorantly blind to it.

Anyway, I think jotting down what I'd like to cover is a good idea, especially since, after this next session, I'd like to start doing joint sessions with my husband. I think that's going to be the best approach for me since I despise dragging things out longer than necessary.

that's my attitude with therapy get to the core of the problem as fast as possible. your SO needs to compromise  because honestly this is all one sided. Like I said you have every right to be you as much as your SO wants to be who she is. You can take or leave my opinion , it's your life. Your therapist should understand your side as much  as the other. I'm pretty much pro wife in these cases , but see a tolerable level of compromise as the solution.

'He' my husband is a 'he' and he still uses male pronouns to refer to himself. And thankfully so since I could never bring myself to feminine pronouns anyway.

But yes, there has to and will be a compromise if we're to make this work. Some days I'm better at handling it than others. And I'm the first to admit that I haven't always been so successful in dealing with some of it. I primarily struggle when too much of it is thrown at me too soon. I feel there's no rush and no time limit on anything. Sometimes I think he wishes I would just accept all of it overnight because that would be much easier for him.

But, make no mistake, I will never compromise my core fundamentals - I will always remain true to myself above all else. It's the only way I will ever live my life.

well, let me say that I've never been married and my dysphoria has basically prevented me from any relationship for a very long time so my words need to be taken with a chunk of salt. I know there are a lot that don't see my view of things as far as wives and husbands responsibilities to themselves and their partners. I truly don't mean harm to anyone , but I too have strong principles on this subject which I know others don't agree with. To me this whole issue gets so sad  because it's so complicated. Too much blame on both sides . The best thing is just understanding and acceptance of each others limits. What I have is basically a very difficult problem that I've lived with since I was 4 years old and I truly believe is the root cause for me never having a relationship after the age of 23. I'm 64 right now. I wish things were different , but I've learned to accept who I am. It's possible, although I don't know your husband , that his torment is  equal or greater than mine. It is hell, but that in no way should infringe on your life outside of what's acceptable to you. Therapy should help a lot.