Hey All,
Joining for some support, and to increase my own awareness/ mindfulness of if transitioning would be right for me.
Personally:
I was born female, but like many people have always felt incongruity with my gender. When I was very small ever since I can remember (around 4 years old) I wanted my hair cut short, insisted on boy's clothes and told my family I wanted to be a boy. I learned to eventually "dial it back", while my siblings continued asking "do you still want to be a boy", to respond, "no", so that I could hide the incongruity I felt, but it never left.
I spent many of my years dressing in boy clothes, and found an outlet by masking my identity over the internet, people saw me as male, and I was able to have relationships in high-school and function because of this outlet. I've since, over a long road, and realizing what it was that caused me to feel this way in college, opened up to those friends and admitted the truth about my born gender.
My family is religious, and I have been religious going to a university that was religious, which I will leave out to remove any details that could identify me, and have really struggled with that aspect. While my family isn't the most religious, I don't know how they would take it, I don't want to lose the relationship that I have with them, and I know it would change significantly. I know that if it weren't so difficult and scary to be open and transition I would have done it by now, after 28 years.
It's a really hard place to be in, and I've been working on developing my own support system, I've just entered into a relationship with a woman who is quite supportive and open to discussion about it. That relationship has torn off the very thinly covered scab and really is causing me to think very hard about transitioning.
Sincerely,
J
