So I'm officially under 14 days from being breastless and I was waiting for the anxiety to kick in (ironic because I have a severe anxiety disorder and this is the one thing I haven't been freaking out about)

Suddenly: so much anxiety I'm on the verge of throwing up. And I get thirteen more days like this? I guess?

How'd you guys alleviate the "oh my god things are gonna happen in very soon" panic? I've got everything as together as I can, short of packing for the two weeks I'll be away (I'm a uni student who lives on campus and spring break falls right after my "I have drains in so I will allow my gran to fuss over me" week, so I'll be staying with them until dorms open again), which is a little premature for right now. Any tips for how to freak out less?

I basically knew I would freak out if I didn't have ways to mentally occupy my time, so I made a to do list and divided it all out into daily chunks. It was all pretty much done with the goal of being 100% self sufficient at least for the period that my drains would be in.

I did a bunch of food prepping, which may or may not be possible for you in a dorm. Made a bunch of juice, soups, and other single serving meals that I froze. It was good for me, and extremely time consuming.

I also spent a lot of time just getting the house together. Doing laundry, cleaning, moving things to a reachable height. Just do anything that you know will bug you if you can't fix it post-op.

Also, try to catch up with friends now! You will probably be pretty tired and not want to do too much post-op for at least a week (maybe more). I'd get in some extra time with friends while you're able to.

I'm fortunate enough that I don't have to t-rex my dorm room ^__^ I'll be staying with family out of town until I'm two weeks post-op, and while I can't ask them to get things to a good height because there's a puppy and a four-year-old to contest with, they're a bunch of shorties comparatively so I won't have much of an issue. Same for food, I'll probably not be eating a whole bunch (gonna get some Ensure or something), but what I am eating will be prepared/gotten by the family.

I've got plenty of homework and dorm cleaning I could (should) be doing, though. And I've been hitting the gym pretty hard to keep my mind off things, which is both productive and helpful. I don't think cleaning my dorm will keep me occupied for two weeks, but it'll definitely help when I start stressing. Productivity is the best.

I think the to do list is a good idea (or at least the chunking up time—two days until my medical history consult, four days after that is my pre-op consult, then six days until I leave for Cleveland). I've already gotten in touch with my professors to let them know I'll be out for surgery, gotten my vest, gotten neosporin and vaseline, gotten scar strips, all that's missing is really bandages and gauze (which I think I might have already). So my to-do list is kinda short, but I can do gym rat goals (run a steady two miles by Monday, increase my bench press, get down to 163 lbs, try and complete a 5K) and focus on that instead. It'll be a while before I can get back to gym rat status, after all ^__^

That's a really good point on the friends front, I hadn't even thought of that. I'll definitely have to make some plans to hang out with people, though I'll probably be messaging a few friends pretty much nonstop after the first day or two. It'll be two weeks before I see them again, so I'll be feeling the homesickness pretty hard by then.

Thanks for the tips, Max!

My surgery is less than a week away, I'm not even fully prepared for it yet (need to go shopping for after-surgery attire), but for some reason, I'm not anxious at all (I also normally have issues with anxiety). I'm not anxious, I'm not excited, quite frankly I feel nothing, and that itself kind of bothers me.

A few weeks ago I felt like I was literally losing my mind, anxious 24/7, nonstop anxious thoughts racing through my head, sick to my stomach with anxiety at life in general, and I'm pretty sure that was all from the T draining from my body. Now, I haven't been able to feel emotions the past week (maybe I feel 10% of my emotions at times). I don't ever feel happy, anxious, depressed, even when I'm having thoughts or experiencing things that should be sending me in one of those directions. I'm hoping this is just another side effect of being without T...

I know it sounds like a blessing, but I really just wish I could feel normal emotions at a time like this. I want to be thinking about surgery nonstop. I want to worry about the procedure, the results, the recovery. I want to be able to fantasize about life without breasts, and I want to get excited for each day that I wake up one day closer to my surgery date. Because quite frankly, I don't feel at all mentally prepared for this, despite having fantasized about it for so, so, soooo many years. It just all feels so wrong without any emotions attached.

It'll probably hit you like a truck when you wake up post-op, if nothing else. there'll be a lot of relief, I feel like. If nothing else, soon as you're allowed to start taking your T again, you should feel more like yourself ^__^

I just got off the phone with the nurse who took my medical history, and I feel like I've pretty smoothly slid into a sort of... dissociative state of mind about it, so I definitely get what you mean, Matt. It's happening so soon and I've gotten numb to it, in a way.

But it'll happen soon. We can be recovery bros in the results thread :p

Quote from: Muscle Matt on February 18, 2016, 09:02:28 AM
for some reason, I'm not anxious at all (I also normally have issues with anxiety). I'm not anxious, I'm not excited, quite frankly I feel nothing, and that itself kind of bothers me.

A few weeks ago I felt like I was literally losing my mind, anxious 24/7, nonstop anxious thoughts racing through my head, sick to my stomach with anxiety at life in general, and I'm pretty sure that was all from the T draining from my body. Now, I haven't been able to feel emotions the past week (maybe I feel 10% of my emotions at times). I don't ever feel happy, anxious, depressed, even when I'm having thoughts or experiencing things that should be sending me in one of those directions. I'm hoping this is just another side effect of being without T...

Seconding this. I was feeling the same way when I had my surgery (Nov. 2014)
My family kept being like "Are you excited/anxious, ___? I bet you're excited/anxious." when I didn't really have any particular emotion towards it, even the minute I went under (haha). Though I'm also kind of emotionally stunted anyways (though I do have really bad anxiety, which also didn't show up then for some reason).

Even afterwards I haven't really gotten worked up/emotional over it or anything, but I have noticed I've been really relieved since and I do get relatively happy (as happy as I'm able to really get, which tbh isn't too much) when I touch my chest and it's flat.

Sorry if this comes off as rambly - I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry too much if you don't feel excited/anxious/worried/jumping for joy etc.. If I remember right someone told me it might be because it's something that feels natural, or like something that was supposed to happen / like fixing something that shouldn't be there, etc. Does that make sense?

Sorry I don't have any advice other than that, lol. Good luck with both of your surgeries + I hope recovery goes well!

Welp, I go under in 12 hours, and I still feel absolutely nothing.

I have, however, begun to feel emotions towards other things in my life again over the past few days. I'm still pretty numb to everything, but at least I have fleeting emotions here and there. Makes me feel a little more alive. I really hope getting back on T fixes me. x.x

Best of luck to ya, Matt! Hopefully getting back on the right juices will make you feel better again. hope you have a speedy recovery!

Quote from: Muscle Matt on February 22, 2016, 10:12:14 PM
Welp, I go under in 12 hours, and I still feel absolutely nothing.

I have, however, begun to feel emotions towards other things in my life again over the past few days. I'm still pretty numb to everything, but at least I have fleeting emotions here and there. Makes me feel a little more alive. I really hope getting back on T fixes me. x.x

Good luck man, you are in good hands!

top surgery day is officially here. so. that's a thing.

Quote from: veniamviam on February 29, 2016, 07:27:45 AM
top surgery day is officially here. so. that's a thing.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes once you feel up to logging back on