Hey all.

It's my birthday today and just wanted to say.

Every single day of mine is agony at the moment and not knowing if i'll be able to make the next. Dysphoria is really bad and I have my first appointment at the GIC on tuesday so i'm holding out till it.
My day has been filled with anger and loss due to my religious upbringing and my parents dogmatic thinking which has meant they've been really abusive to me because of their ideas...homosexuality is a sin, 'i'm trying to play God because i'm trans' and horrible stuff. It hurts because I can't attack them and confront them because they just spew all the religious crap and they say things like 'we're not that bad'...hence putting the pain back onto me and not being responsible for any of it. I haven't talked to any of my parents for around a year but still haunted by their ignorance and manipulations. The thing is they're victims of bad ideas as well and know they have been indoctrinated and victims of religious dogma and bad ideas....It's just hurts because I don't think i'll ever be able to reconcile with them because they have their own system of belief were they believe they're absolutely right...I'm just hurt and feel lost...it's horrible because don't feel I can express my pain because they always just turn it back on me. Plus my mum has her own mental health issues so she's never really been a stable mother figure..it's just hard..so much loss and pain. My parents are supposed to care for me and protect me yet they've done the complete opposite....I have to smoke and drink just to get through the day atm...things are hard...I want to be able to embrace my femininity but so many bad connotations have been attached to it because of church and it's misoynistic nature....ARHHH..wanted to share. So yeah it's my birthday.
Can anyone relate to any parts of this?

TreeBird - First Happy Birthday.  I'm sorry for your pain and the issues your parents are having.  One thing I try to keep in mind is the issue is their's not yours.  The pain they are feeling about you is their pain, not yours.  They are worse off because of it.  I know you miss them dearly.  Write them a nice loving letter (not a bitter one) say what you want.  You don't even need to mail it but I bet you will feel better.

Try to forgive them, be calm in your heart, feel sorry for them.  Be happy for yourself.  There are a lot of people who do/will support you.  I don't know where in the world you are located but do something for yourself today.   I'm not sure where you are on your journey but maybe go window shopping.  Look at jewelry, clothes, or whatever makes you feel good about yourself.  Have fun today, don't sit around.  Go bowling (It's a great stress reliever!)

Yeah, my mother was not a stable person at all and the result is no trust. I can just about tolerate her but I'd really rather not have her in my life much than deal with her on a daily basis. It sucks families don't always turn out to be ideal, or even close to ideal... but it would be so much harder if independence from these people was not even possible. You can walk away and make a life for yourself with the things in it you DO want, instead of clinging on to what is sadly just not there in the way you'd like it to be.

Happy Birthday treebird! 

I can relate, I have a similar situation with my (still) wife.

She don't want to understand anything, don't see what went wrong and admit it.
And everything I say she just throws back a me and make jokes about my sex and gender and how bad sex was the last couple of year and so on and on.

But I know that she will not bring me down, my happiness does not depend on her.
You will see when you start the process with the GIC it will get better, step by step.

pj is right, write a letter, just for you so that you can write it from your soul.

Hugs, Thessa

Treebird,

Try to forget about the problems for just the day. Try to find something you like that distracts you.

Then get back to working on your problems. I know with all the problems you and we feel that is easier said than done. However, try to find something today that can make you happy and go with it.

I can relate to the guilt from previous religious upbringing. However, as I have stated in at least one other post:

Religions have their problems because they were not made by God(s?) but humans. Humans err.

I wish you  love, acceptance and a smoother year.

With warmth,

Joanna

A most happy birthday, treebird!

Can very much relate to a lot of what you are writing.  Religious upbringing, parent that could/would not accept me and condensed what I was working against to sinful.  This went on for a long while before I could break free and be my own.  Hold tight and you will make it, despite how things can feel at any one given moment.

You are not alone at all.  While we may not be standing right next to you, we are here and we can see you where you are at.

I find breathing helps a lot, rhythmic and focused.  It lets some of the tension release.

Happy Birthday 🎂

You are not alone 😊

It's always sad when people use religion to justify being horrible people, or get turned into horrible people by religion...chicken/egg. The good news is you see past it and can be a better person than your parents are able to be.

One of the best ways to feel better about ourselves and our situation in life is to practice what most religions preach : Be kind and help other people (or animals if you prefer). There are lots of very unfortunate creatures in this world and anything you can do to make their day a little brighter will bring that light into your life as well.

You might consider looking for volunteer opportunities, adopting a stray or shelter animal, helping the little old lady across the street prune her rose bushes, anything at all, no matter how big or small. Find every and any opportunity you can to spread happiness and you will be happier yourself.

You might also consider starting a garden. Pretty flowers are always nice to have around, and the physical activity is good for you and can help take your mind off of things, even for just a few minutes. We all need a break from ourselves from time to time.

Happy birthday treebird. Be well

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

I can relate to your situation, I spent 3 Xmas days on my own. After I came out my brother went to prison & my mum reacted by telling me "I'm going to have holidays abroad evey year until your brother is released, there's no point celebrating Xmas when you have no longer have family around"
Every Xmas those words word would echo around inside my head.
On the flip side of that its a family custom to go out for a birthday meal & I'd rather spend birthdays alone. Birthdays alone give the chance to sculpt my "perfect day" playing games, watching Mama Mia whilst singing badly & unplugging the phone. Make this your "perfect day" doing what you love the most.

As I mentioned in someone else's topic sometimes parents don't accept transition until they see how happy their child is once they are their true gender so there's always hope.
Keep your eyes on your long term goal & that makes the hard times easier.

*Hugs*

Happy birthday 

Here are a few resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,204390.msg1817158.html#msg1817158

I'd say on your day try to do what feels good to you...

and try to forget mean comments ...


*hugs*

Happy Birthday 

I had my birthday recently (February 19th) and had to spend it pretty much alone. I live with my dad who's not very accepting or understanding. He didn't even tell me happy birthday and used my birth name on that day. I didn't even get any cards or presents but I expected that would happen. What I ended up doing was buying loads of junk food for myself and eating it curled up in bed watching my favourite show. Not perfect but at least I did something on my birthday and it made me feel slightly better.
Don't let your parents get to you. We all care it's your birthday. Maybe you could tell your mum if God makes no mistakes then does that mean we shouldn't fix things like cleft lips? Since your last birthday you've come out to your parents and started accepting yourself. Think where you'll be next year

Quote from: treebird on March 05, 2016, 08:29:14 AM
Plus my mum has her own mental health issues so she's never really been a stable mother figure..it's just hard..so much loss and pain.

FWIW, there is a lot of mental illness in my dad's family.

Don't feel bad.  I did everything "right," for more than fifty years.  Tried to be the best boy I could be, the best man I could be, grew up to be the suit and tie executive guy, and my parents still didn't love me. 

What made it hurt worse is that my parents always treated my younger brother and sister better than the way they treated me.  My wife noticed that without me ever mentioning anything to her.  They were so blatant about it that she saw it easily.  IMHO, trying not to be trans does not work, and does not make people like that think any better of you.  Like predatory animals, they smell some hidden vulnerability, and they still go after it.

Hang on to yourself, be yourself, and have a happy birthday.

Same here. My birthday is next week and I will be alone. At least I will be able to see my wife and kids at the end of the semester.

Happy Birthday