The reason we are required to live in the desired role a year before surgery is to be sure we will be happy in our new role. Because of money issues I cross lived over 2 years and it was near the end of the second year that it was clear to me the male role held nothing for me. If I had surgery at the end of the first year, I don't think I would have been as sure about my decision as I was when  I made it.

The transition is many small step and only after you have completed them, is it important to know if surgery is right for you. For now, just decide if you want to attempt the next step and forget about the end game.

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 02:52:15 PM
The reason we are required to live in the desired role a year before surgery is to be sure we will be happy in our new role. Because of money issues I cross lived over 2 years and it was near the end of the second year that it was clear to me the male role held nothing for me. If I had surgery at the end of the first year, I don't think I would have been as sure about my decision as I was when  I made it.

The transition is many small step and only after you have completed them, is it important to know if surgery is right for you. For now, just decide if you want to attempt the next step and forget about the end game.

Yes, this makes good sense. Ive been at a standstill trying to figure out whether or not I want to start HRT which although it isnt surgery still has very permanent effects? But I suppose electrolysis shouold precede HRT a little bit and maybe there are some small steps I can take before starting electrolysis, which is also permanent...  I definately would like to live as a woman to see  but it seems like one cant really experience that until hormones have done some of their work.. pre hormones would be a different experience altogether i would imagine?

For the MTF the hormones act much slower than t and the effects aren't as noticeable. In addition, some of the effect will lesson if you discontinue HRT. You may also decide to start with just the blockers as they will produce the most noticeable mental effect with feminizing your body. Estrogen can be added latter if you like how you feel and decide to move forward. You may also ask for low dose estrogen at around a quarter the transition dose which would give you more time to decide.

Hair and makeup can go a long ways toward feminizing you face and sometimes HRT may only make small changes to your face. You also need to be careful about judging your appearance because others may see you as feminine long before you see yourself as feminine.

Laser or electrolysis take time so they are best to start early, but a good question to ask yourself is can you ever see yourself wearing a beard. If you can't, I suspect you won't miss shaving every day so I don't think you would regret removing your facial hair.

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 03:40:24 PM
For the MTF the hormones act much slower than t and the effects aren't as noticeable. In addition, some of the effect will lesson if you discontinue HRT. You may also decide to start with just the blockers as they will produce the most noticeable mental effect with feminizing your body. Estrogen can be added latter if you like how you feel and decide to move forward. You may also ask for low dose estrogen at around a quarter the transition dose which would give you more time to decide.

Hair and makeup can go a long ways toward feminizing you face and sometimes HRT may only make small changes to your face. You also need to be careful about judging your appearance because others may see you as feminine long before you see yourself as feminine.

Laser or electrolysis take time so they are best to start early, but a good question to ask yourself is can you ever see yourself wearing a beard. If you can't, I suspect you won't miss shaving every day so I don't think you would regret removing your facial hair.

haha yeah, i would never , ever , ever want to have a beard!    I actually only shave once a week. takes about that long for the stubble to become a nuisance... and while i dont like beards, when im in boy mode the stubble does contribute to a handsome look, so it is something to consider for me.

I was under the impression that breasts didnt go away when one stopped hrt?      also, isnt one rendered sterile rather quickly?
I have a partner of sorts at the moment and she enjoys my equipment so to speak and although i would love for shrinkage to occur i do have some trepidation regarding loss of function... it all seems so major and scarrrry ! haha
but ok , sounds like mild regiments are something I should investigate...
thanks for the thoughtful replies ))

Quote from: joanie on March 06, 2016, 09:52:29 PM
hi!   

Is transition only appropriate when the only other alternative is suicide?
i.e. if its at all possible to postpone or avoid transition should one?

Transitioning does offer the "Do-Over" option. Suicide is final. Most/all of the members of my support group were at that point. I've been there a few times myself. I also still live and present as male.

Balance

I found it, still working it, by figuring out how to allow these two great aspects of myself to peacefully coexist within me. My life, for the most part, is boring, yet immensely complicated between a challenging job and a semi-invalid wife.

For me, "Transition" is the dictionary meaning; To Change. These past 7 years I changed a lot. Much much more emotionally then physically. Yet a lot of my emotional growth is thanks to HRT and its effects.

Being happy simply being yourself.  The real trick is sorting out who that really is. I figure in another 10-20 years I'll know for sure 

Quote from: JoanneB on March 07, 2016, 08:02:56 PM


Being happy simply being yourself.  The real trick is sorting out who that really is. I figure in another 10-20 years I'll know for sure 

haha if ever , right?

well, I'm definitely not suicidal at the moment but I guess thats partially why it's so hard to commit... the nebulousness is confusing. Maybe ill just follow what feels good and keep walking in that direction.

Quote from: joanie on March 07, 2016, 04:23:26 PM
I was under the impression that breasts didnt go away when one stopped hrt?      also, isnt one rendered sterile rather quickly?
I have a partner of sorts at the moment and she enjoys my equipment so to speak and although i would love for shrinkage to occur i do have some trepidation regarding loss of function... it all seems so major and scarrrry ! haha
but ok , sounds like mild regiments are something I should investigate...
thanks for the thoughtful replies ))

Breast develop slow so in the early sages, they might be mistaken for moobs. If you are on HRT for a while, they might get a little smaller but they will remain.
Sterile, I am unsure. Yes, it's a good idea to preserve a sample if you think you want it latter but we have a thread where a MTF and FTM who have been in treatment from the start of puberty went off hormones and are having a child. Others argue that isn't possible so you be the judge.
As for loss of function, that can happen on the blockers but it's also possible to reduce the T level without totally eliminating it. If you stop the blockers function would return. Naturally if you use a lower dose of blocker or stop it, the TG feelings will remain or return.

From the moment I accepted I was Trans my journey to fufill my life began. I was a very successful male and one who was raised to be responsible to my family. So I waited until had fufilled my family obligations. But that's how I was raised by a loving family unit.

I'm sorry for your pain, Joanie. Really, when it comes down to it, it's different for everyone. Additionally, everyone's transition is different depending on their age, privilege, ability, and even geography. What is truly important is self-acceptance. Please know that there is nothing wrong with you, even if you do not feel like it is feasible to transition right now or ever. Remember you can be a beautiful woman on the inside even if you have a hard time seeing it in the mirror. You are not your reflection. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I believe there are many degrees of transition.  A wise person would only transition far enough to bring the dysphoria down to a tolerable level.

After a few years of HRT, I found myself comfortable with who I am.  I found I don't need to wear a dress, wig and makeup to feel right.  In fact that's a bit more trouble than it's worth.  I DO have very nice legs and very substantial breasts, but I'm also mostly bald.

I've met other trans* people and some of them assumed I was FTM instead of MTF.  I've spent decades trying to act out the role of a man.  I refuse to spend my remaining years acting out the role of a woman. When I am wearing my typical summer garb of khaki shorts and a polo shirt, it pretty clear that I'm not really male.  I guess a wig would alleviate the ambiguity and let people think I'm a butch woman. 

I'm through with "acting".  Now I am free to be who I really am.  There really IS a middle ground and, for me, it's where I need to be.

Randi

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 08:21:28 PM
Breast develop slow so in the early sages, they might be mistaken for moobs. If you are on HRT for a while, they might get a little smaller but they will remain.
Sterile, I am unsure. Yes, it's a good idea to preserve a sample if you think you want it latter but we have a thread where a MTF and FTM who have been in treatment from the start of puberty went off hormones and are having a child. Others argue that isn't possible so you be the judge.
As for loss of function, that can happen on the blockers but it's also possible to reduce the T level without totally eliminating it. If you stop the blockers function would return. Naturally if you use a lower dose of blocker or stop it, the TG feelings will remain or return.

For me, moobs would be very unpleasant if i was presenting as a man... I guess the middle ground approach seems untenable to some degree for me... I do want to have some sex appeal as a woman or if I must remain as I am to not lose what I have. Is transition almost an asexual thing for many? I do value being a sexual being although I do not have the overpowering and insistent libido that many seem to describe pre hormones. In face alot of my sex drive seems similar to post estrogen descriptions, driven more by intimacy and thought... which makes me wonder if I've perhaps always had low T levels?
hmmmm haha anyhow.....

I have always been asexual but I am a small minority. If you were sexually active before the transition, you will most likely want some form of sexual relationship after your transition. You may not want it as much and it may take a different form but sex won't go away.

thanks for that dena, thats reassuring......

Quote from: joanie on March 08, 2016, 02:50:55 PM
For me, moobs would be very unpleasant if i was presenting as a man... I guess the middle ground approach seems untenable to some degree for me... I do want to have some sex appeal as a woman or if I must remain as I am to not lose what I have. Is transition almost an asexual thing for many? I do value being a sexual being although I do not have the overpowering and insistent libido that many seem to describe pre hormones. In face alot of my sex drive seems similar to post estrogen descriptions, driven more by intimacy and thought... which makes me wonder if I've perhaps always had low T levels?
hmmmm haha anyhow.....

I think a lot of it is influenced by our own perceptions... so think positive thoughts! I look at my tits, and sometimes I think, 'hmm, not round enough, they look kinda like moobs' but they've certainly developed a lot. And tits aside, I get a lot of attention from men, and some women. Really, my opinion of my appearance doesn't matter that much. Many people find me attractive. I can have sex delivered like Dominos if I wanted. It's just really weird comparing my own self-image to what it actually is to other people... Honestly, I feel like being trans is automatically this thing that limits me from being attractive to others, but in reality I'm hawt and can get action whever I want. Strange stuff.

PMA! I wanna be haawt ! haha    May I ask you how long you've been on hormones Ashey?
and yes, perception is indeed a funny thing!

Quote from: joanie on March 11, 2016, 04:43:23 AM
PMA! I wanna be haawt ! haha    May I ask you how long you've been on hormones Ashey?
and yes, perception is indeed a funny thing!

Whatever my sig says. Almost two and a half years. And yeah, it really is. I don't know if I said it here or another thread, but my own perception of my self-image is still forming. I get attention, I get all sorts of compliments, but I look at myself and think 'am I reeeeally that different?? what's changed??'.. Granted, there have been a lot of subtle changes, which I suppose have contributed to the whole, but I still don't fully grasp it all. It's like a huge change but it isn't. Strange stuff. It's like, a few minor differences, plus women's clothes, and suddenly guys are all over me. Whaaat?? Doesn't make sense! So it's either all the little changes put together, or maybe something else that I'm putting out there. Other people certainly see it though, even if I don't completely.

I asked my therapist that exact question.  Her response was "Now."
"Why" I asked.
"Because you are here now and not 45, 40, 30, 10 nor even 1 year ago.  You are here now, therefore you are ready."

I believe she was right.  If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't have been in her office and now I'm nervous but I'm definitely ready.  BTW I tried to stop the train and after about 45 days, I was sliding into depression without realizing it. 

I've always refused to live as a woman. I've never really lived as one, even though I'm pre-everything. I'm not out to everyone though, so I'm just like whatever, it's their problem if they don't see me as male since I dress and act like one. But now came a point where the physical dysphoria is just too much. It's what holds me back. I can't see my life living with this body and name. The most appropriate time to transition is highly personal, of course, but if you get to the point where you just feel like you can't take it anymore, then that's a stong signal you should set transition as your priority. That's what I'm doing now, even though I can't transition now because it would mean having to come out to my entire family and it'd be an issue, and I'm not even financially independent, and still live with them. So, that's another thing: being independent immensely helps if you don't live in a super accepting environment. Financially independent, that's another thing to consider. And first of all, your feelings. You don't have to get to the point of being desperate and suicidal though, you should just feel like you're ready.

I would say when it hurts enough.

my therapist is loathe to offer opinions but rather hopes to help me find my answers within... not an easy task! haha
my latest assignment is just to gather information from people i meet at the trans support groups regarding hrt, insurance coverage and whatever else im curious about... my main problem is that although much of the time my desire to transition is very strong I also have days or parts of days where Im just my regular old guy self.. The pain Im experiencing comes more from the confusion of what to do or not to do than anything else , or at least thats how it seems. While the more feminine I look the happier I am, it doesnt kill me yet havin the male stuff.... pain is the great motivator ! maybe im not in enough pain?   While I am financially self supporting  the cost of even electrolysis is rather daunting... Additionally , being self employed in the arts, while being pretty cool, its hard to judge just how transition would impact my relationships with dealers and clients and whatnot.....  I do feel like im edging towards at least trying out hormones... a little scared I wont be able to stop.. just like shaving my legs haha