I'm in a long slow transition (at 55yo). This is for a variety of reasons which aren't relevant to this question. I'm at the stage where my hair is longish and shaggy feminine, my wardrobe is 80% woman's, my interests and many of my mannerisms are distinctly feminine (this according to my best friend and wife). It's been this way for a few years - previously I was a bearded, buzz cut, dad and wannabe male role model - ugh what a thought, but anyway.

I have made many more female friends now and denigrated many of my old male friendships (gently, of course). I am always found at family gatherings hanging with the girls - talking food, people and happenings. I love all of these changes - slow as they've been. I've seen a therapist consistently and am now on the verge of HRT and electrolysis/laser. BTW: I've had natural B boobs since I was 13. So boobs on me are no shocker to my circle (in spite of the emotional pain they caused while trying to be a man).

So I'm only officially "out" as trans to a only few people in my close circle. The forest is so close to the trees that I can't tell how people think or perceive me. What I'm wondering is: since I've taken a long slow change approach and not an abrupt path, how many people around me will shrug and say "oh, I knew that was coming, it was obvious"? Or is our concept of male and female so ingrained in our relationships, will there still be astonishment and shock? What was your experience?

I'm trying to make my transition almost a non-event by implementing changes slowly. An evolution.

Thanks,
Lauren

Lauren-

Its hard to say - people see what they expect to see and subtle changes tend to be disregarded. Some people may notice and say nothing.

The only way to know for sure is to come out to more people. People at my work were shocked when I came out even though I had been on a transitioning dose of hormones for a year - the slow, subtle changes had gone unnoticed, and I presented as male until the last day, so I didn't drop any clues. 3 days later Eva showed up and caused a stir 

It's a good question (I'm in a similar situation, mostly -- I also like the non-event). I think maybe half and half: some notice, some don't. More notice who haven't seen you constantly over the last few weeks/months/years. Familiarity breeds 'normality.' But it should be fine either way. In coming out, it will be news for about thirty minutes. Then people go back to their day. 


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I think you'll find that what is obvious to us isn't so obvious to others. Most people will presume "gay" before they even remotely consider "trans".

My transition at work and among My family was very much a non event .Most people said something on the lines of "Tell Me something I don't know LOL" .I guess femininity had been creeping in far more than I had realised so most people saw it coming before I did

Grace,

Yes you're probably right. I know get Gaydar scanned all the time. Curious hetero male friends have sort of "tested" me in ways that they think I don't catch on. I think to myself being gay would be easy compared to this.

Thanks all for the answers. I needed the reality check. The movie playing in my head isn't necessarily the one everyone else is watching.

L

People that met me when I was on the verge of beginning my transition (about 5 years out) saw it coming from a mile away. Everybody else was surprised.

I think people can tell, but I haven't said anything about it.  I've been hearing more and more sly or passive comments...  nothing offensive, but I can tell some people are trying to trigger a response to confirm or disprove using a contradiction.  I think I get more "tests" for being gay, but I'm not interested in men.

I thought they could for a while but I'm not so sure anymore.  I haven't cut my hair in 15 months which I thought might raise questions but today at work my boss called me Fabio.  I suppose there are worse things to be called.