Hardware stores have become the bane of my existence. 

No matter which one I go to or how I'm dressed they're the one place I'm ALWAYS mis-gendered......  every time.    Today I was renting a trailer to move some things from my old house to my new one.  This time was kind of funny because right after being mis-gendered the guy at the counter asked for my drivers' license for the rental and immediately got this really puzzled look on his face since I've had my name and gender marker changed on it.  He was nice enough afterward and then got it right but still... 

Jeez, was the full makeup, purse, pink clothing, wedding ring, and the fact that I have breasts (that were obvious since I had on a tight t-shirt and it was warm out today) not enough to tip you off?   *sigh* 

What is he, blind? There was no excuse for that, I see cis women every day that look more like dudes than you do.

I always expect hardware store people (and others of "that mindset") to just go with their gut instincts. Something about you said "male" and they completely ignored all the other indicators.

Like children, they are brutally honest, not meaning to hurt you in any way. But, it is what it is. Just keep on smiling, and do no harm to them.

If you deal with these people often, talk to their manager.  Calmly ask the manager to kindly suggest their employees call you ma'am, just for politeness's sake*, it would make you feel a lot better to be in the store.

* see how I didn't call anybody rude?  no need to put them on the defensive.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on March 12, 2016, 11:53:10 PM
I always expect hardware store people (and others of "that mindset") to just go with their gut instincts. Something about you said "male" and they completely ignored all the other indicators.

Like children, they are brutally honest, not meaning to hurt you in any way. But, it is what it is. Just keep on smiling, and do no harm to them.

I'm getting to where I pretty much expect it too, I really would love to know what it is about me though because it's consistent no matter which one I go to.  I'll probably never know though.

Quote from: sparrow on March 13, 2016, 12:37:49 AM
If you deal with these people often, talk to their manager.  Calmly ask the manager to kindly suggest their employees call you ma'am, just for politeness's sake*, it would make you feel a lot better to be in the store.

* see how I didn't call anybody rude?  no need to put them on the defensive.

I don't deal with these particular people often, I was more referring to just going to hardware stores in general with this being the most recent example.  I didn't get any sense of snarkiness or malice from them at all and once the guy behind the counter saw my drivers license he switched over quickly, which was nice. 

When I dropped off the trailer the next day they both were quick to thank me for being a customer and to tell me to come again soon so I can't say I was unwelcome.

I'd really just like to know what it is about me at hardware stores more than anything so I can correct it.  IDK, maybe since I used to do a lot of home improvement/contractor stuff I slip back into learned mannerisms or something too easily.

QuoteI don't deal with these particular people often, I was more referring to just going to hardware stores in general with this being the most recent example.  I didn't get any sense of snarkiness or malice from them at all and once the guy behind the counter saw my drivers license he switched over quickly, which was nice. 

When I dropped off the trailer the next day they both were quick to thank me for being a customer and to tell me to come again soon so I can't say I was unwelcome.

I'd really just like to know what it is about me at hardware stores more than anything so I can correct it.  IDK, maybe since I used to do a lot of home improvement/contractor stuff I slip back into learned mannerisms or something too easily.

Well, at least you didn't sense any real malice or ill-intent. If you ever do, you should absolutely go to a manager.

It's true that it might be a mannerism that's coming off as the wrong gender. Maybe next time go with someone who know you really well and ask them to look for any subtle changes in behavior that you normally don't exhibit. That way you can pinpoint if you're actually doing something to tip people off on some way.

I know I'm probably going to have to check myself when hanging out with the guys for game night. We all tend to het a bit rambunctious aroud each other and I feel like the masculine traits I'm trying to train myelf out of would easily slip through.

I could see a hardware store being an uncomfortable place for many TG women. I grew up going to hardware stores with my dad, & I never felt uncomfortable there. I could see how it would make most feel uncomfortable though, since a hardware stores are closely associated with men.

Quote from: WallabyWallop on March 14, 2016, 02:18:27 PM
It's true that it might be a mannerism that's coming off as the wrong gender. Maybe next time go with someone who know you really well and ask them to look for any subtle changes in behavior that you normally don't exhibit. That way you can pinpoint if you're actually doing something to tip people off on some way.

This made me think of my wifes' advice when we go to hardware stores in that when I'm there I apparently "know too much" when talking with people who work there.  It's just a habit from being an industrial mechanic by trade and having worked on home remodeling projects extensively when I was younger.  I do find it amazing how now I'm kind of a magnet for store personnel to want to try to "help" me when they didn't pre-transition.

Apparently, it's not typical for a woman to know NEC code requirements for wire sizing or the difference between metric and SAE thread sizing and what each one is just by looking at it.     (This is me being purely satirical btw)

I do try to listen and be polite but sometimes it just creeps out all on its' own.    

Hardware stores are no picnic for CIS women who know the difference between a ratchet and a wrench either. I almost laughed in the guys face when I went in for a cordless drill and he tried to sell me something pink that ran on batteries. I believe I made some off color remark about needing something with more power than my vibe as a grabbed a Black & Decker 18v cordless from the shelf and walked away.

Oddly enough he didn't offer any advice a few weeks later when I was in buying a sawzall and a sledge hammer... 

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on March 15, 2016, 02:28:26 PM
I believe I made some off color remark about needing something with more power than my vibe as a grabbed a Black & Decker 18v cordless from the shelf and walked away.

  That's funny!

It never ceases to amaze me how they try to overcharge for the pink tools too.  I was in one place a few weeks ago and they had two identical tool sets on the shelf, one was black standard looking stuff and the other was pink.  I looked closer at the two and they were 100% identical other than color.  The pink one was $5 more..... 

Some of us just hate hardware stores I'm an extremely intelligent scientist, bio-lady! Hardware stores are SO out of my realm. I avoid them at all costs, well that and the anxiety it brings. Men looking at me like I'm stupid isn't a fun day trip for me haha.

Quote from: Emjay on March 15, 2016, 01:52:44 PM
This made me think of my wifes' advice when we go to hardware stores in that when I'm there I apparently "know too much" when talking with people who work there.  It's just a habit from being an industrial mechanic by trade and having worked on home remodeling projects extensively when I was younger.  I do find it amazing how now I'm kind of a magnet for store personnel to want to try to "help" me when they didn't pre-transition.

Apparently, it's not typical for a woman to know NEC code requirements for wire sizing or the difference between metric and SAE thread sizing and what each one is just by looking at it.     (This is me being purely satirical btw)

I do try to listen and be polite but sometimes it just creeps out all on its' own.   

It is difficult for many men to handle women with knowledge of anything related to the building trades. My mom worked on construction sites growing up, so I got a sense of empowerment for women's capabilities by watching her

urgh. i think that guy needs to check up his eyes with the doc. if they misgender you, just "excuse me, what did you just call me?" till they fix it. lol. i saw my female friends doing it all the time, and by the look on their face, they were pissed bad time. i swear there are definitely something wrong with cashiers these days.
it's not only for trans women, but trans men are kinda afraid to go to hardware stores too. it could be different but i was born in a third world country. all we need is decent 3-4 tools all our life. here my bud grabbed me to the hardware store and it's like geez there are all kinds of things here that i haven't seen before. lol.
i don't try to assume or anything but i believe most trans men don't have nothing to do with hardware unless it's a part of their career or they start to mess with it/learn how to do things during their transition. it's a pretty scary place for me as in i don't know what i'm doing or looking for in there. lol. i guess i'll stuck with about 3-4 decent tools all my life. i'm quite old fashioned. lol