when i was growing up my father asked when i was about 17 or so if i was gay, and i told him i didn't know. and the fact that him asking me and saying that it didn't matter gave me a great deal of hope. then he passed away in 2004 before i could tell him when i awakened but i do not doubt he would have given the same reaction. mother is a different story ... how she is reacting is like passive disownment (not sure to the proper wordage here so please excuse me if it doesnt exist) she trys to ignore the case about me...says she still cares for me and what not but if any interaction takes place what so ever it always has to be me to be the one to do it. and im questioning the issue of maybe finding her after i get to point of passing or after SRS and seeing her then,  have people who would go with me but not even sure it is a good idea. but part of me wants to. for hope's sakae and because thats what my father would have wanted.

hi,

well done for coming out! I think with parents its so much harder for them, they feel like they are loosing their child through transitioning, maybe she was brought up in a very religious background? If it hasn't been long since you came out i would say to give it time, she has to go through the 'grieving' process.

I think the best thing here is to focus on the positive, your mother didnt disown you and she still loves you, let the wounds heal, and what doesnt kill you can only make you stronger

Your dad would be so proud of you

Good Luck

I think there may be a couple of other factors that we often don't consider as well, Bri.

As a parent I am well aware that there are things I would rather my children neither do or be afflicted with. And that is merely because i would like to see them spared as much pain as is possible. I wouldn't want them to have GID, for instance.

To be honest, i would rather they not be gay either. Or Republican!! LOL

The other matter i wonder about is if some of our parents don't feel a sense of guilt that maybe they cannot or will not touch? Kinda like "did I cause this? Either genetically or through the way i raised my child?"

Again, as a parent I know that can be a really painful idea to visit with.

I agree that your Dad would be very proud of you.

And yes, time is a great healer. Don't press her too hard, but let her know you are open to making a move toward her.

Hugs,

Nichole

I sat through a marathon of all eight episodes of Transgeneration the other day, and on it Lucas, one of the four students' Dad describes how he read that mourning is a definite part of how parents react to transitioning children, because they are in effect, dealing with the death of a child.

All I can say is that I hope your Mom can find her way past this to acceptance, but ultimately that is up to her. You can do what you can to make it easier on her, but ultimately it is a question of how well she can deal with that loss that will determine things.

I sometimes worry very much about this in my parents as well - they've been extremely accepting and supportive of me from practically day one, but I kinda sometimes feel like they're in a weird kind of denial about it. It doesn't help that I haven't seen them in a year, having left only a few months after opening up to them. I'm on a working holiday visa in the UK, but from South Africa, and I'm terrified that they'll reject me when I finally return home towards the end of the year. My brother was over here with me this year, and he already seems to have unconciously distanced himself from me.

But I suppose all we can do is give them the time they need, information if they ask for it, and unconditional love from our side. What Will be Will be - we cannot make those decisions for them.

Good luck with your mom, and I really hope it works out for you both.

thank you all, i think i will visit her, most likely either just before SRS or after to see where things lay at that point
i will probably take someone along for support if i need it, just in case.