So today marks one week since I started hormones. I have to say, my emotions have been all over the place. for the first four days, I was feeling amazing, happy, wonderful. Everything seemed brighter and better, I felt more confident in myself, I had just the most amazing feeling. I had a few low points during that time because of my mother saying "oh it shouldn't effect you that quickly, oh it's not that big of a deal." Basically she was just not being helpful about it and brought my mood down, which was generally towards the end of the day when she did it. Then my parents and I had an argument on day 5, and afterwards I fell into a pile of tears which is new for me to have happen so easily...but since then I've just been incredibly anxious and depressed. I've had a few moments where I would feel better, but then I would just go back to being in the dumps, back to feeling worthless and hopeless. My parent's haven't been incredibly supportive of my decision to transition. They say the name I chose, Scarlet, is a strippers name and they hate it and they call me selfish and self-centered for not letting them choose the name.  They refuse to use female pronouns or call me Scarlet on the grounds of I don't look feminine enough, or they hate the name. They have said that "I think it's because of this other issue in your past you haven't come to terms with" or something else like that. My mom outright stated a couple days ago that she doesn't trust me, but expects me to trust her. The few days I was happy when I started, my parents have stated don't mean a thing to them. And here I am right now today, holding back tears, trying to avoid my parents, and trying to push away all negative thoughts. I want things to get better with my parents, but they have stated that they may never accept this. I feel very rejected and betrayed, and I've told them that this week and they say they aren't rejecting me. I have a friend who almost drove up here to try and pull me out the other day. They want me to stay with them and leave my family because of how they've been treating the whole situation so far. My parents have always been very controlling. I just...I'm feeling incredibly hopeless today and I'm not sure what to do, or how to handle the situation. My parents have basically been sucking out any happiness I try to attain with this, and it's been this way my entire life.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do?

My dad hasn't been great about me being trans (misgendering me) and he hasn't talked about me taking T. I just try to stay out of his way and do my own thing. If I'm feeling down I buy myself some food to treat myself or watch one of my fave tv shows. I hope my mood shows through and that I'm much better mentally than I was pre T. Your parents should notice that soon.
Congrats on the hormones btw

Quote from: Elis on March 16, 2016, 11:45:01 AM
My dad hasn't been great about me being trans (misgendering me) and he hasn't talked about me taking T. I just try to stay out of his way and do my own thing. If I'm feeling down I buy myself some food to treat myself or watch one of my fave tv shows. I hope my mood shows through and that I'm much better mentally than I was pre T. Your parents should notice that soon.
Congrats on the hormones btw

Thanks...and I have told them, but they don't think it means anything, my parents completely refuse to even try and do anything when it comes to me being trans. I try to stay out of their way but that ends up causing me trouble too.

Quote from: link5019 on March 16, 2016, 12:03:03 PM
Thanks...and I have told them, but they don't think it means anything, my parents completely refuse to even try and do anything when it comes to me being trans. I try to stay out of their way but that ends up causing me trouble too.

After almost a year after coming out, over 4 months on T and me texting him to say how misgendering makes me feel; I think he's starting to realise this is real and I'm not going to change. I can understand both of our parents saying hurtful things. They grew up in a time where there was only cis straight people that they knew off. I hate that the only thing I can do at the moment is wait until the effects from T are so obvious; that he'll have to accept me. Same as with your parents.

Quote from: Elis on March 16, 2016, 12:46:09 PM
After almost a year after coming out, over 4 months on T and me texting him to say how misgendering makes me feel; I think he's starting to realise this is real and I'm not going to change. I can understand both of our parents saying hurtful things. They grew up in a time where there was only cis straight people that they knew off. I hate that the only thing I can do at the moment is wait until the effects from T are so obvious; that he'll have to accept me. Same as with your parents.

Your right and I hate that too how all I can do is wait until they see I'm serious, until the effects from E are obvious...but my parents have stated they may never be able to accept this. While the rest of my outside family hasn't said much, I do know they to are not accepting of this. My parents have been actively trying to get me to stop, and then denying it when I call them out, and then turning around and finding every excuse to say I'm wrong. It isn't just limited to this either, it's been this way my whole life

Quote from: link5019 on March 16, 2016, 12:54:03 PM
Your right and I hate that too how all I can do is wait until they see I'm serious, until the effects from E are obvious...but my parents have stated they may never be able to accept this. While the rest of my outside family hasn't said much, I do know they to are not accepting of this. My parents have been actively trying to get me to stop, and then denying it when I call them out, and then turning around and finding every excuse to say I'm wrong. It isn't just limited to this either, it's been this way my whole life

Hi Scarlet,

It sounds like you are on your way, I'm very happy for you.   It's early on, your best bet would probably be not to be confrontational, just let the hormones work.   Enjoy how they're changing your body, you've got a while to go before you really get the full affect.   

My guess is it's going to be harder and harder for your parents to think of you as male.  Also remember this is a shock to them and they are going through a transition too.  You may think it's all about you embarrassing them, but I would bet they're probably also really worried about how transitioning will affect your life.  They're probably quite aware that transgender life isn't a bed of roses.

One other thought.  How attached are you to the name Scarlet?  You might think about asking them for names that they think are better.  Remember it's the name they chose that you are changing.  It seems to me that if they help you choose your new name, they are making a commitment to your transition.  It's a little sneaky, but it might make your transitioning go smoother if they think that you will listen to some of their suggestions.

Take care and good luck,
Paige

Quote from: link5019 on March 16, 2016, 12:54:03 PM
Your right and I hate that too how all I can do is wait until they see I'm serious, until the effects from E are obvious...but my parents have stated they may never be able to accept this. While the rest of my outside family hasn't said much, I do know they to are not accepting of this. My parents have been actively trying to get me to stop, and then denying it when I call them out, and then turning around and finding every excuse to say I'm wrong. It isn't just limited to this either, it's been this way my whole life

I came out to my extended family through email and have only had one reply back. We're having a family reunion in July which should be fun :/. Anyway, my dad won't actively stop me. He's the kind of person who has an opinion and keeps it to himself; which isn't exactly a healthy thing to do or helpful for me. This kind of behaviour has sort of screwed me up as well. You went through the trouble of going to a therapist and getting the go ahead for hormones; so obviously you're ready to make the choice. I think your parents are simply lashing out because they thought you'd change your mind by now. Just keep being yourself and hopefully they'll stop

Quote from: Paige on March 16, 2016, 01:24:39 PM
Hi Scarlet,

It sounds like you are on your way, I'm very happy for you.   It's early on, your best bet would probably be not to be confrontational, just let the hormones work.   Enjoy how they're changing your body, you've got a while to go before you really get the full affect.   

My guess is it's going to be harder and harder for your parents to think of you as male.  Also remember this is a shock to them and they are going through a transition too.  You may think it's all about you embarrassing them, but I would bet they're probably also really worried about how transitioning will affect your life.  They're probably quite aware that transgender life isn't a bed of roses.

One other thought.  How attached are you to the name Scarlet?  You might think about asking them for names that they think are better.  Remember it's the name they chose that you are changing.  It seems to me that if they help you choose your new name, they are making a commitment to your transition.  It's a little sneaky, but it might make your transitioning go smoother if they think that you will listen to some of their suggestions.

Take care and good luck,
Paige

Hey paige, thank you for your response. And I don't think of it as embarassing them, in fact I think of it more of as, they are losing a son and gaining a daughter which is hard to process. They have stated that gender shouldn't matter and that it isn't want makes you you so I shouldn't try to transition. I'm pretty attached to the name Scarlet to be honest. They want to use something like Jordan or Fae, and I'm like no...and I said what about Sarah or Saria, or something that starts with an S...but no luck. I've listened to their suggestions but the names they pick just aren't good.

Quote from: Elis on March 16, 2016, 01:27:49 PM
I came out to my extended family through email and have only had one reply back. We're having a family reunion in July which should be fun :/. Anyway, my dad won't actively stop me. He's the kind of person who has an opinion and keeps it to himself; which isn't exactly a healthy thing to do or helpful for me. This kind of behaviour has sort of screwed me up as well. You went through the trouble of going to a therapist and getting the go ahead for hormones; so obviously you're ready to make the choice. I think your parents are simply lashing out because they thought you'd change your mind by now. Just keep being yourself and hopefully they'll stop

That could be the case. They feel I went behind their back to see a therapist that was trained in this area, instead of the therapist they wanted me to see which was one who isn't trained in this area. I didn't really show many signs when I was really young, like 3 - 4 years old and my parents use that against me. They don't think someone can hide for years, and they think they would have noticed, which I have told them there have been signs, but they completely ignore them.

As far as the name "Scarlet" goes... Have your parents never heard of Scarlett Johansson? I'm really not sure if that point will hurt or help your position, but that is one famous example of someone naturally named Scarlet. (albeit with an extra 't' there at the end)

As for your situation with your parents... Taking into account what you've said in another thread here on a similar subject, I would have to ask exactly how serious this friend is who wants you to live with them. Do you think it would be a better environment for you? Will there be enough money between the two of you for both of you to survive on? Do you know this friend very well and trust them implicitly? If the answer to all of these questions is 'yes' and the environment at home is seriously unbearable, I would suggest getting into a serious conversation with this friend of yours about possibly arranging to move in with this person. If you can't depend on your family for the support you need right now, there is no shame in leaning on your friends for the support you need in their place.

Also remember that, as others have mentioned, time is a factor in this. After a while, after your parents see that you are determined in this and that it isn't just some phase, they might start coming around. Then again, I don't know your parents, I don't know their level of opposition to this, and I don't know how long it might take for them to come around. In any case, once the shock wears off and they have time to see that you really are serious about it - something they can only understand through observation rather than simply being told - then I'm sure they will at least be less combative about the issue.

As a parent the emotion may be "protection." Let's face it, it will be hard for you.  I'm not condoning what they are doing but remember you have had a decade or more to think/justify it.   How long have they had, weeks?

I can give two suggestions.
1) from your writings it sounds like the name is an issue.  Let them pick a first name, you pick a middle name.  Then you go by the middle name and your parents can use whatever they want.  No more excuses on that front.  Just ask your friends to not use you middle name much in their presents.

2) write them a letter.  Hand written or typed/printed stating your feelings.  How you felt pre HT and after starting.  Include how much it hurt you (tears, unwanted...). Be non confrontational.  Re write it a few times.  The first draft will not be good.  The second draft will be better and the third will be close or even good enough.  Make two copies and leave them somewhere they will see them when you are not home.

Good luck

Quote from: Guile on March 16, 2016, 05:50:09 PM
As far as the name "Scarlet" goes... Have your parents never heard of Scarlett Johansson? I'm really not sure if that point will hurt or help your position, but that is one famous example of someone naturally named Scarlet. (albeit with an extra 't' there at the end)

As for your situation with your parents... Taking into account what you've said in another thread here on a similar subject, I would have to ask exactly how serious this friend is who wants you to live with them. Do you think it would be a better environment for you? Will there be enough money between the two of you for both of you to survive on? Do you know this friend very well and trust them implicitly? If the answer to all of these questions is 'yes' and the environment at home is seriously unbearable, I would suggest getting into a serious conversation with this friend of yours about possibly arranging to move in with this person. If you can't depend on your family for the support you need right now, there is no shame in leaning on your friends for the support you need in their place.

Also remember that, as others have mentioned, time is a factor in this. After a while, after your parents see that you are determined in this and that it isn't just some phase, they might start coming around. Then again, I don't know your parents, I don't know their level of opposition to this, and I don't know how long it might take for them to come around. In any case, once the shock wears off and they have time to see that you really are serious about it - something they can only understand through observation rather than simply being told - then I'm sure they will at least be less combative about the issue.

They have heard of Scarlet Johanson, but they brought that up even, saying that they don't care about a famous persons name. I do believe moving in with my friend would be a better environment, they are also trans, I do trust and know this friend pretty well, the only thing I don't know is the money part, but if I get a part time job, money wouldn't be an issue. They don't believe I have thought about it for years, but that could just be the shock factor as you pointed out. But my parents are pretty opposed to this but will deny it if you ask them. They will tell you that they may never accept it.

Quote from: pj on March 16, 2016, 05:58:00 PM
As a parent the emotion may be "protection." Let's face it, it will be hard for you.  I'm not condoning what they are doing but remember you have had a decade or more to think/justify it.   How long have they had, weeks?

I can give two suggestions.
1) from your writings it sounds like the name is an issue.  Let them pick a first name, you pick a middle name.  Then you go by the middle name and your parents can use whatever they want.  No more excuses on that front.  Just ask your friends to not use you middle name much in their presents.

2) write them a letter.  Hand written or typed/printed stating your feelings.  How you felt pre HT and after starting.  Include how much it hurt you (tears, unwanted...). Be non confrontational.  Re write it a few times.  The first draft will not be good.  The second draft will be better and the third will be close or even good enough.  Make two copies and leave them somewhere they will see them when you are not home.

Good luck

Yeah, the name is a big issue to them, they see it as a strippers name. The full name I chose is Scarlet Lenna Miller, but I could do something like whatever they choose Scarler Miller...but I have to be able to tolerate the first name since It would be on official documents. And letters wouldn't be good...they feel disrespected and hurt whenever anyone hands them a piece of paper in this family, and even though I've told them how I felt pre-HT and how I've felt afterwards, my father said it meant diddly squat, literally his words, and my mom doesn't think it would have that much of an effect.

Quote from: Paige on March 16, 2016, 01:24:39 PM
My guess is it's going to be harder and harder for your parents to think of you as male.  Also remember this is a shock to them and they are going through a transition too.

This and this.

When someone has seen you a certain way for so long it's not really something they can just flip a switch for and see the new you. While it certainly makes things more difficult and can be emotionally trying, just do your best to be who you are and do what makes you happy without rubbing it in the face of those who may be sensitive to it. In time it will become much more difficult for them to see you as anything else.

Even if they actively fight against seeing you differently, childhood (as in, the part of your life controlled by your parents) doesn't last forever. It really really sucks for some people, but it does end and then you can build your own life in whatever way you see fit.

Just hang in there and do your best to not let them get you down, you're gonna be fine

I know of a young girl that came out to her mother after high school. She had found a clinic that goes informed consent and went full time almost instantly.
Needless to say, but her mother flipped. She blamed my partner as a bad influence and pretty much was in denial about her now daughter.
Now the daughter moved out, got a job at Starbucks, and went to community college.
Now the first year or so was hard and their relationship was strained, but her mother did come around and recognize that it's not a phase or the "popular " thing.
This is very hard on your parents and their love for you may cause them to behave badly as you are killing the son that they had.
Try and give yourself some space and give your parents some time to process this. That fact that they wanted some say in your choice of name implies some acceptance already.
Try and stay calm and I think they will come around to the new reality.
Good luck
Hugs
Stevie

Quote from: StevieC9 on March 17, 2016, 09:39:24 AM
I know of a young girl that came out to her mother after high school. She had found a clinic that goes informed consent and went full time almost instantly.
Needless to say, but her mother flipped. She blamed my partner as a bad influence and pretty much was in denial about her now daughter.
Now the daughter moved out, got a job at Starbucks, and went to community college.
Now the first year or so was hard and their relationship was strained, but her mother did come around and recognize that it's not a phase or the "popular " thing.
This is very hard on your parents and their love for you may cause them to behave badly as you are killing the son that they had.
Try and give yourself some space and give your parents some time to process this. That fact that they wanted some say in your choice of name implies some acceptance already.
Try and stay calm and I think they will come around to the new reality.
Good luck
Hugs
Stevie

That actually sounds about how my mom handled me coming out. She flipped when she found out I already had my letter, and then blamed the internet and my friends, which differs from the young girl you talked about, but like that experience is pretty similar to how it has been so far with my parents.

Quote from: link5019 on March 20, 2016, 12:15:08 PM
That actually sounds about how my mom handled me coming out. She flipped when she found out I already had my letter, and then blamed the internet and my friends, which differs from the young girl you talked about, but like that experience is pretty similar to how it has been so far with my parents.

Well then,  we'll hope for a similar outcome   I do hope it turns out as well   
Good luck and hugs
Stevie

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link5019, I'm so sorry your parents are being this way. I do believe that no one truly knows how they will feel in a month, year, etc. I bet your parents will lighten up eventually. I would also try and distance myself from them if you can. Hang in there. One way or another the anxiety and depression will pass and things will seem clearer and brighter again. <3

Quote from: Daphne Alice on March 23, 2016, 11:15:37 AM
link5019, I'm so sorry your parents are being this way. I do believe that no one truly knows how they will feel in a month, year, etc. I bet your parents will lighten up eventually. I would also try and distance myself from them if you can. Hang in there. One way or another the anxiety and depression will pass and things will seem clearer and brighter again. <3

You're exactly right! No one can ever know how they will feel a month from now, heck people may not know how they feel tomorrow or next week. Since the first week, they seemed to have lightened up as I distanced myself from them, but they haven't really done much else it seems. My mood has improved since then too, but I know this journey will not be easy.