iv been single now for 4 years and since then iv come out publicly. My last parter who i was engaged to knew that i am trans and it did not bother her as she was bisexual and we worked round difficulties i had in terms of gender dysphoria and issues i have in the bedroom. Its taken me along time to get over leaving her (i still think i was an idiot for leaving her) and i want to me new people and possibly start a serious relationship. I identify a lesbian but i have no idea how to meet people and think well would another lesbian be interested in dating me for obvious reasons. Iv tried online dating sites but i never even get people messaging me and then being a mature student who takes their studies very seriously i never really find time to go out. so i really don't know what to do.

Wish I could help, but I'm pretty much  in the same shoes as you as far as being single and junk.

Maybe you need to switch to a different dating site? I've heard that some are more trans-friendly than others. Or wait until you've finished studying :/

hahaha wait until i finish studying i think il be compost by that point my studying is everything to me and a lot the time the only thing that gives me the motivation to carry on I'm doing 4 years in bioscience degree, 1 year teaching degree, 3 years maths degree and then after those 8 years a Phd in bioscience.

iv seen trans dating websites but they look really sleezy and i don't think i should have to use a trans dating website why can't i just use any like anybody else like i don't like the idea of gay bars i look at it like its segregation.

Elanore joey and King Phoenix, you are both in school/college/university right?
Say Hi to someone interesting in class or join a club or two to meet new people.
Make a reason to continue talking to them. Maybe to work on a project together or study, or you have a common interest, whatever. It doesn't matter.

Also, learn to flirt if you don't know how.

You might try OKCupid and PlentyOfFish.
On both you can specify you look for a lesbian partner.

You might look at craigslist T4W or T4T ...

You might go to places lesbians are likely to be.
You might visit sports with female players ... soccer etc ...
there might even be a soccer club or other sports with female players at your uni  ...

you might vist concerts with singers lesbians tend to like .. sara and tegan are an example ...

and there should be a lgbt club at your uni, you might join ... there might be a sweet queer girl there ...

in general its well possible people are understanding if you do not make a big deal out of it ...
its more likely they react relaxed that way ...


*hugs*

iv tried plenty of fish and its rubbish.
there are no sports clubs that accept trans people because the governing bodies don't allow trans people to play as their chosen gender.
my college doesn't have an lgbt club and well i don't really agree with that sort of thing.
as as for people in my classes at college we have quite small groups and iv gotten to know all of them and i really don't like any of them all too immature for my liking and always b****ing about others, i just keep my head down and get on with my work.

i just wish i could genetically engineer my perfect girls friend hahaha

Quote from: Elanore joey on March 18, 2016, 05:00:54 PM
iv tried plenty of fish and its rubbish.

I know a lesbian person from the UK who met her girlfriend on PlentyOfFish.
They plan to leave the UK together, wanting to live abroad.

Quote
there are no sports clubs that accept trans people because the governing bodies don't allow trans people to play as their chosen gender.

Within the general population there is a certain number of lesbians.
Within female sports groups and also within spectators of sports - its possible to watch sports and mingle with the spectators and meet people there - the percentage of lesbian people is said to be significantly higher.
Its a well known hint in lesbian circles.

Quote
my college doesn't have an lgbt club and well i don't really agree with that sort of thing.

Well other places might be writing clubs ... bookreading clubs .. etc ... also hints from other lesbians

Quote
i just wish i could genetically engineer my perfect girls friend hahaha

Well maybe life comes up with an even better version

Wish you luck.

*hugs*

i might just give up on the thought
I'm bonded to my work

It's great that you're mature, but sometimes you need to be less mature. Go somewhere, have a few drinks, be interested in what people say, and use clever innuendos.

I totally understand Elanore, even though I have a understanding girlfriend, who accepts I'm trans. I'm on my 2nd M.A. in I/O Psych, my first one was in General Psych. At work, my job is legally menial(at least to me), all my peers talk about other people or gossip about other people, and all my friends and loved one, talk about their daily hurts, with other people or me, just the way life is, none talk about world events, or things other than their hurts. To find quality people, you need to go to quality places, reading clubs, chess clubs, stuff like that, not that I have gone to those, but I've heard of that. You will find out as you go up in your education, you will find less people you have in common, and more you will have to accommodate other people, just to work and get by, at least for me, unless you become a professor or something like that, then you stick with your intellectual collegues. All I can say is there are trade offs, but your quest maybe a needle in the haystack, but they are out there.

I've met a lot of people through OKCupid, though no one whom I've clicked with.

I've made great friends from the Unitarian Universalist congregation in my town, but haven't met anyone to date.

It's been a long road for me. The best we can do is just keep at it.

Quote from: Elanore joey on March 18, 2016, 06:07:52 PM
i might just give up on the thought
I'm bonded to my work

Well meeting people, talking to people and flirting are things that can be learned.

There are tutorials and its possible to start slowly and improve bit by bit.

Concerning meeting people it might be an idea to look for people you have something in common with.
Maybe there are chats for your topics, etc ...
you might try to show a few private sides of you, making a few private and nice remarks ...
its well possible to meet people that way ...


*hugs*

i don't want to sound like I'm finding issues or ungrateful none of anything you guys have said sound anything like me, the only reading i do is science papers and text books so reading club just doesn't do it for me. chess doesn't interest me, going to gigs or sporting events doesn't interest me and cost too much money (I'm an unemployed student living from a very lean savings account) and theres no where to go out where i live unless you want to sit in an old mans pub getting inappropriate comments. thinking about it i don't even have friends only associates that i see a couple times a day at uni while out side in the smoking shelter. i was thinking about going out for a drink (non alcoholic due to medical issues ) tonight but i have no idea where to go.

Imo this all takes some intuition and use of circumstances you are not used to - yet .

You are used to logical thinking, planning, memorizing facts etc.

But there is a voice inside of you crying for something else.

You might try to work on your intuition.
What do you feel would be the right thing to do ?
Then trying out a few things ... seeing where it leads to ... remaining positive ... and keeping on.

If you do not like the pub you might try something new.
There should be events at your uni.
Why not joining some of them just to meet people ?
Making a nice impression, saying hi to a few people, and making a bit of smalltalk ...
nice tshirt .. nice jacket ... where are you from ... what do you study ... there is not much up here, how do you spend your time ...
this all can be learned. You can start practising by talking to strangers.
Make a nice comment to the cashier ... talk to people ...

There should be discussion boards of the subject you study.
You might take part there going beyond simply talking about the subject.
You might talk to people ... same as above ... not much up here .. how do you spend your time ... maybe lets meet at a chat ... etc ...

You could invest some time in making a good profile at OKCupid.
Not a stereotypical one but one that really describes you.
And then simply contacting a few people close to you.

Next you might simply do a few things apart from studying.
What would you always have liked to do ?
There are usually free courses at uni ... debate courses ... reading courses ... etc.
This is about making conversation with other people.
By the way there are even courses on how to make friends ... meet people ... talk to people ...
especially because more logical oriented people might profit from such courses.
There might be some at uni, or there might be moderately priced community college courses.


*hugs*

i think the biggest problem is my life is so boring to most others but i enjoy that and its why i chosen to walk the academic path.

And my parents have never been ones for socialising so iv never really learnt to do it and i had a dreadful school life like a lot of us on here, because of this i never made friends when i was younger and the few that i did make have now all moved away for work.

I really do not know of any such clubs/groups at my college as its not a big college and if there are any i doubt id be able to get to them because of living 30 miles away and i don't have a car at the moment so i have to rely on public transport which is absolutely rubbish in east anglia.

The only way of changing things i can think of is move away from this small, old, dead town like my few old friends have but finances really don't allow for that.

You still have the internet and OKCupid and PlentyOfFish.
You could look up people in your vicinity, chat first and then maybe meet sometime (observe basic safety rules and meet in a public place first).

There is not that much to talking to people.
One of the main restraints should have fallen away.
Transgender people often have a feeling they have something to hide but if you are aware you are transgender that falls away.

Well making conversation usually starts easy and gets more deep over time.
Starting with something that catches the eye can be an opener.
Nice t-shirt ... I saw your profile pic and noticed ...
A few words and waiting for the response.
Then asking a few questions.
Do you also study ... I like to go to this shopping place its always well stocked ... etc ...
showing from time to time some glimpses of oneself but mainly asking and listening.
Many people like it if people listen to them.
Not like an interrogation but being interested.
So its not necessary to have much of a flashy life to show.

Well and as said you might think about developing one or two hobbies.
Cooking ... its creative ... etc ...

Another idea might be to join any kind of charity, or helping out there.
Many charities usually are staffed with friendly people. And those people also have relatives etc.

It can all be looked up on the internet, and joining once a week would be much progress.
Same for community colleges. There should be rebates for students, so it should be a few pounds a month for one course.
Sometimes its possible to join for the first three weeks and then drop out if you don't like the people.
One course, once a week, can be something to look forward to all week long.


*hugs*