I'm mtf and if all goes well I should start HRT this Wed. I have an appointment on that same day to see about getting laser for my face (God I hope that works out, I've heard laser hair removal can take forever for some people). Also on Wed I have an appointment with my gender therapist.

Last time I saw her she encouraged me to come out at work, but I'm not sure. I'd love to go full time, but without the hormones or hair removal on my face I feel pretty insecure about my appearance. Maybe even with them I'd still be insecure. I work in a grocery store and I'm a department manager, and I'm worried about how my coworkers and the employees I supervise will react. I'd like to at least have a bit of a confidence boost from the hormones before I present as female at work.

My endocrinologist also seemed to be concerned about my worries. That the hormone will out me in a few months, whether I'm ready or not, and she suggested I talk to my therapist about it. I'm hoping for some big results (especially  in the chest department), but I thought that was pretty rare for someone my age (38) and also I got the impression that a lot of transgender women wait until they've been on hormones for a while before going full time.

Also my therapist recommended that I hang out with some other transgender people. I'd love to, but I work and have two kids and it's so hard to find the time and I don't know where any other transgender people are! I don't know.

Anyway, I'm going around my neighborhood and town presenting as female so I suppose it's only a matter of time before it gets back to someone at work. I haven't had any terribly negative reactions so far, but knock on wood

You don't need to come out at work until you are ready. However, for work I'd suggest not coming out until you are ready to go full time female... it saves a lot of confusion and questions and gossip and whatnot.

And you're right, facial hair removal will make things very complicated if you are already transitioned - even if you go with laser and it works well you are not able to shave for a few days after treatment and that can be problematic if you are presenting as female. For electrolysis you can't shave before the treatment, so same problem.

The changes from HRT will not really be that noticeable for several months and depending on what you are required to wear at work you may be able to cover it up even longer.

My advise? Get a sense of how you want to present as female first. We know we identify as female and want so much to be able to live that way but have had little opportunity to develop our outward expression and persona.

Don't feel pressured into outing yourself - see how things are going for you once you are on HRT, experiment, learn, get into that hair removal and then, once you are ready, that will be the right time.

Hi Kelsey,

How and when you choose to transition at work is something only you can decide, but I'm pretty much in agreement with Ms. Grace.

Starting laser/electrolysis ASAP is a good idea.  It does take a long time (I have been doing it for 18 months), and you have to let your whiskers grow out for electrolysis, and that wouldn't be fun to show up at work in a dress and facial hair.

I still present as male at work, and I have been on HRT for seven months. My only concern is that my breasts are getting larger, and it is getting to the point I may need to start making an effort to hide them. I have some serious man boobs, lol.

I should be finished with electrolysis this summer, and I intend to get FFS by the end of the year.  I already have shoulder-length hair, and pierced ears.  It has taken me two years to get to this point. I'm only offering that as a point of comparison.  Everyone has a different path.

With kindness,

Terri 

Thanks Ms Grace and Maybebaby. I should say that the company I work for (Kroger) apparently has a reputation for being among the more LGBT friendly companies (from the fact that they offer trans-benefits with insurance and other stuff I've read online), so maybe that's why my therapist feels so comfortable encouraging me to be out. But I'm with you girls,  I don't think I'm ready yet.

Working on my persona is an issue that's particularly applicable to me. I was a pretty sociable kid up until puberty, but then it was like all my girlfriends disappeared. I'm just now trying to restart that process of developing an authentic personality.

Anyway, I work in a cold  department and wear a hoodie and lots of layers all the time, so I image that it will be many months, if ever, before the HRT becomes noticeable.

If I have a Saturday appointment for electrolysis I do not shave Thursday or Friday ( most of my appointments are on Sunday). My hair grows slow yet there is stubble on Fridays if I do not shave on Thursday.  I have had about 100 hours of face electrolysis and am half done. I have had two out of six clearings of hair for GCS.

I am out and express at work. I work in a very LGBT friendly place. Thursday and Friday I had some suggestions at work; a guy friend at work asked me when I will walk more like a woman. Another Guy friend suggested I dress more feminine. Another woman friend told me to never wear blue and to wear more pink. One guy friend in front of others asked why I did not wear green and then proceeded to say Blaire has a sale. One woman said I needed my ears percid and another said I need lip gloss.  People try to help but on Friday afternoon I was on the verge of getting emotional (I did my IM injection Wednesday night). You need to be ready not only to find your style but put up with a lot of suggestions that sometimes can get a bit personal. There is only so much money I can spend for clothes each payday. So building a wardrobe is something to consider.

Dear Kelseyness,
I think you should come out only when you are ready. I have a different thought from the other ladies and it is based on my experience. Do you have to tell people your truth and immediately start presenting as your authentic self? I have come out a good 5 months before people will see the real me. I just told a lot of people at my work. I did it in a meeting all at one time. I am a believer that people need time to adjust. It took the pressure off of me actually. I viewed it as a way to respect my co workers. I am giving them the time they need to adjust. Also, I think when they don't see the change right away, it gives them a chance to see that you really basically will be the same person. They have time to ask questions. I  am giving them the chance to get on board.  Part of the reason for the five months is FFS in June. That will be a big adjustment for all. Bottom line is you have to be pretty sure you are ready before you do it. I thought I would offer an alternative.
Moni
Also it would solve the problem of someone seeing you accidentally.