Quote from: galaxy on March 16, 2016, 08:24:21 PM
Dont know what you mean ...

She means you look female enough to her. She sees you as a success, not a failure.

Quote from: galaxy on March 16, 2016, 08:22:59 PM
Yes Androcur helped. It was the only thing ever had any effect to me.

How so? Can you elaborate on the positive effects?

I think, galaxy, the only one in your way is YOU, you are being your own worst enemy but you don't realize this. Love yourself instead of always degrading and hating yourself. You are who you are. Accept and love her. Can you do that?

I can't give a 100% accurate opinion on your looks because, for that I would need to see you in person, but as far as I've seen on your pics, you look clearly above average for a ciswoman your age. Not less than a 7/10.

I think main problem with your breast was lack of implant volume. If I were you, I wouldn't go for less than 400cc round implants if you want noticeable results being an A natural cup. Why haven't you asked for bigger implants?

Acne and greasy hair/skin (T peaks) are common problems after SRS. You can't stop cold turkey the blockers. Many girls need a minimum AA dose to keep things in place. You should be aware of this BEFORE SRS and be ready for it.

That being said, to me looks like your biggest problem is inside your own mind. Haven't talked to a therapyst? You look like you're being in a negativity self-feed loop: you're just seeing your problems so they become bigger, and bigger, and... eventually all you have is problems and you become overwhelmed by them. Actually you're incapable to see anything good in your life, and that sounds like a lack of serotonin. Did you talk to a therapyst about this? Did you try any self-depressant med? To me, looks like there is a clear chemical inbalance in your head and you need professional medical help. Ask for it.

Im not gonna tell you what to do with your life. Its your life, your right. But to me neither the problem nor the solution are difficult to figure out: therapyst + depression meds/therapy.

Please try and get help to see yourself in the light that we do Galaxy, we have only talked a bit, but you seem me as a smart person, and very committed to doing what it took to transition. I think you can overcome this, and that you can see your way past the darkness and find a way to thrive as the woman you are. Therapy would be the first potential solution that would come to my mind, but there might be other ways too.

I like you Galaxy, I hope you decide to stick around.

I'm afraid you wont understand me. Its not a decision in anger, in pain or in tears. I decide to go with a cool head, a clear mind. Its a more rational decision. It makes me more free to know that i dont have to life with all that.

Transitioning was making my life very complicated - mostly in visible things. Hair, face, body ... I'm a man living as a woman and thats a allday challenge. You cant relax - nowhere, notime. Youre under stress around the clock 24/7. Simple standing up, picking up the parcel from the mailman - thats not possible. I need min. 1 hour to get ready for going outside. And in the fall of the day youve hundert of these complicated things.

I love shopping, but its a desaster everytime. I never find anything fits to my body. No jeans, no skirt, no dress, no shirts. Ive a male body and female clothes are made for females, not for men. So every shopping tour turn into a horrortrip. I love going to rock concerts - sure i try to enjoy the last things left. But even men has mostly longer and thicker hair at concerts then me. Result are tears or i get drunk at this night.

Every place in my life is "infected" by these damned male/female things. I cant do anything without get remembered that i'm not female. Thats soooooo exhausting. My goal was to be a simple girl without these problems. If youre forced to check 24/7 if youre looking a bit like a female, to mask all your male things, like hairloss and male hair pattern, bread, body hair, your shape, breasts ... it needs soooo much power. You cant have sooo much power every day. Its totally impossible. And after all these effort you dont look good or beautiful, but a substandard middle age with male features.

At least i dont want to live forever a life that is sucking so much power everyday that theres nothing left for other thing like friends, music, hobbies.


P.S. I had two breast surgeries. First one with around 300cc and a A cup, second OP with 440cc and a little B now. Ive no money for a third OP.

Stop caring so much about how you look or how others perceive you. Go out there, live, do the things you love and enjoy life. You are too absorbed with yourself and this is what is hurting you. Don't aim for perfection or an ideal. Be chaotic, imperfect, whatever but do the things you enjoy. Screw the rest!

Quote from: KayXo on March 17, 2016, 09:30:51 AM
Stop caring so much about how you look or how others perceive you. Go out there, live, do the things you love and enjoy life. You are too absorbed with yourself and this is what is hurting you. Don't aim for perfection or an ideal. Be chaotic, imperfect, whatever but do the things you enjoy. Screw the rest!

Like i wrote above. Its not possible with the wrong body. I can't enjoy life in the wrong body. I'm no man, i'm a woman - inside. And transition means to me "changing". Its all about how someone look. Only that matters in a transition. Nothing else.

Quote from: galaxy on March 17, 2016, 10:14:39 AM
Like i wrote above. Its not possible with the wrong body. I can't enjoy life in the wrong body. I'm no man, i'm a woman - inside. And transition means to me "changing". Its all about how someone look. Only that matters in a transition. Nothing else.

In the words of Anderson Cooper when discussing is own brother's suicide:

"I used to think suicide was a conscious act. A plan made, then carried out. I know now it's not always like that. My brother was a sweet young man who wanted to be in control. In the end, he simply wasn't. None of us are. We all dangle from a very delicate thread. The key is not to let go."

A family member of mine tried to commit suicide about 5 years ago. It was a difficult time for her, & us. Eventually she made it through, because she found something to hold on to & not let go. You should try doing the same, but make it something other than just transitioning. Part of the issue with transitioning is that we all want the perfect body, but it's not always obtainable. Just have to find something else in your life to give you purpose, besides transitioning. May not be easy, but it's much better than the alternative (death).

Also, you should try speaking with a therapist, & doing some reading of your own. I've suffered from mild melancholy over the years, & I've found that reading about others that have successfully dealt with it has helped me. Lincoln's melancholy is a good book for that.

When life for me would have a different main significance than that of being a woman, I would have remained a man. I mean, i love music, making music, listening to music, going to concerts ... but hobbies and passions couldnt compensate the good feeling to live in the right body and feel freedom in all aspects. Being my own prison is the worst thing i could imagine. I'll never be what I am. There is nothing that could unleash me. Thats the point.

I'm a prisoner. For all days. You cant compensate captivity with anything. Thats impossible.

Quote from: galaxy on March 17, 2016, 10:14:39 AM
Like i wrote above. Its not possible with the wrong body. I can't enjoy life in the wrong body. I'm no man, i'm a woman - inside. And transition means to me "changing". Its all about how someone look. Only that matters in a transition. Nothing else.

You are a WOMAN, regardless of your body. Your body doesn't define you. Take a leap of faith and go out there despite what is going on with your body. Meet new people, live! You might find out things that surprise you but you refuse to do so, you are closing all the doors. Your excuse is...I can't live until I have this or that...maybe you are just afraid of living and that is a excuse, of moving forward...going out there despite the problems might reveal something to you, you need to take a chance, change patterns, change activities instead of remaining within this closed circuit of self-defeating talk and behavior. Force yourself to do so...it's not easy but possible. Ask someone's help, don't close off yourself to the world. Open yourself to the world, be totally vulnerable!

Quote from: galaxy on March 17, 2016, 11:40:50 AM
Being my own prison is the worst thing i could imagine. I'll never be what I am. There is nothing that could unleash me. Thats the point.

I'm a prisoner. For all days. You cant compensate captivity with anything. Thats impossible.

Is the prison your body or YOUR MIND?

A human is a symboisis between mind and body. Thats what make us humans. Your body is the home for your mind. And the mind feels good if you care about your home. Keep it healthy. In my case my home is not the right one. My mind was put into the wrong home. And my mind feels could and fair. Thats not my home. Ive no home. I'm homeless and prisoner of any wrong one. I wished to get free. Freedom waits in infinity.

The only thing that waits in infinity is death, not freedom.

I don't know what else to say to help, other than to echo what others have said and suggest that you go to a good therapist.

My offer still stands, btw. I just got new makeup and I'd love to send you some and exchange beauty tips

I'm 67 and going to be 68. I started HRT 3 plus years ago and had my srs, ffs and ba, 2 months ago. Wow, what would I give to transition at 30, but I made the best of it and have found peace ...something few people achieve. I see myself as lucky to be able to live two lives in one lifetime.

I was also learned from my therapist Carl Bushong that I could suffer post surgery depression a few weeks after surgery and if i did i needed to address this  as it does not go away sometimes.. I luclkly never did.

I chose to live in Bangkok because there is complete acceptance of us here....its been amazing...

Life is a rare and wonderful experience...I'm a bhuddist and I know I have to fully live this life to come back and be enlightened.

Quote from: galaxy on March 18, 2016, 07:59:36 PM
A human is a symboisis between mind and body. Thats what make us humans. Your body is the home for your mind. And the mind feels good if you care about your home. Keep it healthy. In my case my home is not the right one. My mind was put into the wrong home. And my mind feels could and fair. Thats not my home. Ive no home. I'm homeless and prisoner of any wrong one. I wished to get free. Freedom waits in infinity.

Galaxy you are in a country where everything is regulated.

Where there is additionally pressure to perform. People are afraid.
Look at the wordwide economic system.
There is an untenable system being more and more replaced by nations peacefully demanding more equality.
There are now institutions like the A I I B wich will funnel money more to the advantage of all involved.
Its the first time in recorded history that prices for all resources go down towards more and more printed paper (currency).
This is completely impossible unless there are people trying to fix the economies.

There are additionally many wonderful inventions just waiting to be released, detached from financial interests.
If you work in the technical field you will agree that there are many things simply not on the market because of financial interests.

Have some hope this situation eventually will be resolved. There are many people and nations willing to peacefully make it better, to the advantage of all people.

The situation as it is now will not go on forever.
Hold on one more day ... then another one ... then another one ...

and try to surround yourself with people who give you a good feeling, if necessary online. There are chats and other means of communications.

And you might try to get away from your country from time to time.
Bordering countries like France and the Netherlands are much more laid back. You might make a few trips there from time to time.
Maybe you can integrate some of their lifestyle, or make some friends there.

*hugs*

Nowadays as far as I know and being told, I am read as a woman. 99% of the time. The 1% of the time, few times a year I am misgendered... it stings. It hurts and can bother me for days.

As someone who, if I believe all you are saying is true, I can understand the struggles you go trough. Day in, day out. I cannot and will not sugar coat the situation saying all will be fine since I never seen you and respond according to your concerns and thoughts.

I do altho want to say I really respect and admire your guts to go trough your own struggles and to keep fighting to be you. We need more people around like you.

Quote from: galaxy on March 18, 2016, 07:59:36 PM
A human is a symboisis between mind and body. Thats what make us humans. Your body is the home for your mind. And the mind feels good if you care about your home. Keep it healthy. In my case my home is not the right one. My mind was put into the wrong home.

You've just described GID - the key is to acknowledge it (you have) and then just do the best you can with it.  Some will do better than others and you can't compare your results, because each has their own path.  Ultimately it's just a matter of moving forward one bit at a time!

My decision is fixed. Thank for helping. But it fixed.
See you on the other side.

Quote from: galaxy on February 23, 2016, 01:55:28 AM
No one gave me any feedback. Not here,  not on facebbook, not everywhere else.
It makes no sense.

Just because you don't get feedback doesn't mean people don't find you beautiful. Besides true beauty if from within I mean physical beauty is a fickle thing and not the be all end all. Looks always fade but the beauty of the soul never does.

Beauty is like a teapot, with time cracks come in ,the nice smooth surface get brown.
Inner beauty stay.

No, don't do that... Whenever there is life there is hope. At least you have  finished SRS, and became the real yourself. Everything can change as time passes by. So enjoy yourself and  be hopeful. Hope to see you later.

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