First I apologize for the fact that I am not a great keyboarder, and that I am doing this off the top of my head so the structure may be all over the place.
I have wanted to do this for the last lil while, as I knew 1 year of transition was soon approaching.
A bit of history, I since an early age had the inclination to express my self as a female. I always had female play mates as a child, cuz the boys just wanted to beat me up. Athletics,
NOT. Ability to play any sport NOT. But I did have the interest for my countries sacrilege, ICE HOCKEY !!!!. I spent alot of time with girls, coloring , painting and some crafts. As puberty hit It was like the girls kinda went away cause I was "one of them". As puberty progressed I wondered when, "mine were comming"? My parents knew something was up when they point blank asked me " do you wish you were a GIRL?" I could not answer as I was terrified that any one find out my little secret. I fast forward to my middle age. I found a CD support group. that let me know I was not alone. That was a fine prescription for a bit, I realized I was more of a dresser, I really didnot like getting up in the morning, and changing from panties to boxers, If ya get my drift. Enter transition 1.0, two years on hormones, and scared ->-bleeped-<-less for most of it. I was not ready and the world was not ready for me. Purge, closet door flies open and I jump back in for 15 years.
Enter transition 2.0 , at a time when I dressed very little and never went out of house. It was the only thing keeping me together. My SO that point told me "The girl goes or I go".
The girl was not going and to ensure that I dressed, makeup wig everything and started to leave house. As that progressed I new that I need to be who I am inside. December 2014 I started spiro, and on March 20 15 I started estrogen.
So where am I now and how did get here. In June i got rid of all my male clothes, but kept sweats and t shirts that I wear to work as I have not quite conquered outing my self at the job site yet. Other than work I am pretty much out to all my family and friends family was good for the most part. Friends not so much, Ive lost a few, ya it hurts but I knew it going in.
The part that pissed me off was they were kind to your face, when you told them, but then that is the last time that they will ever talk to you, that is not worth my time either. The hardest one is my sig other of thirty years, we still are in the same house but she really wants to move on.. but wants to hang on to me for financial reasons... that is not a good thing and i need to try get through that. What makes it tough is we still care for each other.
Hormones have been the best antidepressant I have taken. Hormones have been the worst antidepressant I have taken. it has been quit the ride on estro.... some good some terifying when I look back. That being said do i have any regrets about hrt, NO! only that because of my age I have little breast growth... what I wanted the most.
Over that last year the fear has turned to confidence, shame has turned to esteem.
I go where I want and carry on with my life. I have an inner happiness that I never had before. my confidance has taken me to the south west states, So cal and more .
At the one year pole I am happy and confident, the work will continue including my coming out at work it is a male dominant workplace, but I feel that over ten years I have a good rep with company I would like to wait till the economy gets better but dont know if i can wait that
long.In additon the province has passed legisaltion for gender expression and gender identity so they just cant up and fire me.( unless they really try) ....
thanx for reading sorry about
typos syntax all that other stuff
I go to work in four hours
Brie
