I think I'll be unpopular with this answer...
Part of the problem now is? It's mechanical.
Sex is almost an impossibility for me. I mean, watching pr0n, the equipment works - no issues there! But even leaving aside the issues with my girlfriend, I'm mostly NOT interested.
I don't have proper words, but I'll try and clarify...
I see attractive women all over in the city here. going to work, going to lunch, etc. I want to chase more than one down, ya know? But it's not the Manly "UG GONNA MATE!" sort of impulse. More like, chase her and engage her in conversation, and get to know her, and draw her in, and the feel of her breasts on mine, and... [you get the idea].
Mind, I don't really have much in the way of breasts, and I DO have a male body, so...
So, the equipment works, but it's operating in a different gear. And I want different equipment anyway.
So when fantasizing by myself, I'm facing issues. As a child, I was VERY visual, could imagine a lot in my head. Vibrant images, elaborate scenes. Doing cyber on AOL, girls LOVED how I could paint a scene. Details, rich imagery, etc, like writing a book, only including the senses all around.
Now, I try to do that - and can't. I set a "scene" (the difference being, as a youngster it would've been an on-site movie shoot, and now it's a skit on a 3'X5' stage with no props)... And my mind is elsewhere, even if I'm riffing on pr0n of four girls all looking eagerly at the camera...
Yet I still "release pressure" up to several times a day! But that's all it is: mechanical. Dealing with stress. (Think "Wolf of Wall Street" sort of thing.)
But there's no association of "the thing" with "the act." No different in a sense from someone who rolls a quarter across their knuckles while thinking. I'm thinking, so I roll the quarter across my knuckles. But when I have to think, I get out a quarter first, and once it's rolling, THEN I can get the brain engaged.
I never dreamed of getting it lopped off. I do wonder about keeping it soft and no longer having the problem - no pressure, if you will. (An aside, I'm told women enjoy sex more than men, actually. Told by women, mind. So if you have a female mind and enjoy sex in a female way, but are running the Testosterone of a man.... Maybe there's a problem there, WRT sex? Maybe it's an addiction, in a sense?)
I've experienced that when on hormones, BTW. Liked it, even, though I was a bit upset when the ejaculate went clear. And it became SO HARD to get off, too....
Most recently, when thinking things over (not just rubbing as release), it's more of a, "touching is nice..." sort of thing. Enjoying the build-up, which to be honest, usually ends in frustration.... Imagining I could push it inside, as opposed to pulling it off, say, or keeping it soft while touching, and wishing I could push something inside.
Don't know if that's a normal progression to anyone, though. Sort of used to being a loner (unique) in life. ;-)
-Dianna
