Feeling "weird" adjusting to the right pronouns

keth910 · March 21, 2016, 08:03:35 PM

I identify as ftm trans, I recently came out to my siblings/parents and to myself as trans. It has come to my attention that although I am a boy internally, It still feels weird adjusting to male pronouns whenever someone calls me he/him. Its like I know it feels right but I' am so used to being called by female pronouns that, now being called male pronouns is different to adjust to. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this prior to coming out?

Dena · March 21, 2016, 08:16:03 PM

Getting used to new pronouns and names can give you a strange feeling. I had my first exposure to it in group therapy and you kind of have that feeling "Are you really addressing me?". After a while you will start cringing when you are incorrectly addressed. My mom had a hard time adjusting to my new name and one time we were in a womans tall shop buying clothes for me, only one sale person in the store and she used my birth name. So much for stealth.

However, wait until you switch to using the other bathroom.

suzifrommd · March 21, 2016, 08:30:58 PM

Quote from: keth910 on March 21, 2016, 08:03:35 PM
I identify as ftm trans, I recently came out to my siblings/parents and to myself as trans. It has come to my attention that although I am a boy internally, It still feels weird adjusting to male pronouns whenever someone calls me he/him. Its like I know it feels right but I' am so used to being called by female pronouns that, now being called male pronouns is different to adjust to. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this prior to coming out?

I've been full time as a woman for more than two and a half years, and I still feel weird when someone calls me "she".

HappyMoni · March 21, 2016, 08:57:29 PM

When someone calls me ma'am or she, it is hard not to smile from ear to ear. The more one is able to accept oneself, I have to think, the easier it gets for it to sound right.
Moni

DanielleA · March 22, 2016, 12:06:39 AM

It took a couple of years for my family to come onboard with my transitioning. Mum was by far the worst. When someone would correctly identify me as female, mum would practically run them down like an attack dog and out me in the process. So I quickly learned to freakout when mum would be around and someone spoke to me. Fortunantly mum is now my biggest supporter.

haeden · March 22, 2016, 12:41:02 AM

I don't really mind pronouns either work for me but sometimes I do get confused when someone calls me one pronoun and then someone right after calls me by the other pronoun. It's not like anything has changed so it's odd how two different people see two different people essentially but I do feel a little bummed when the other person calls me by female pronouns right after someone just used male ones.
I can't compare too much to you though since overall I don't really notice pronouns unless I'm saying them since I try to stay away from using male pronouns for myself since I'm not out yet

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schwarzwalderkirschtort · March 23, 2016, 06:41:39 AM

Since nobody minus one or two use my pronouns, I'm not very used to the correct set. When people use them, I practically feel as weird as I would with female. It's still going on now, but if you hear them more, you'll adjust pretty quickly.

Elis · March 23, 2016, 11:04:42 AM

I still feel very awkward and embarrassed when family call me by the right pronouns and names. It's still very new to me and I've come out just under a year ago. I still don't think people are referring to me if for example a GP calls me Mr *surname* as that's always been my dad's name and doesn't feel like mine. But I'd feel dysphoric and slightly depressed if people use my old pronouns and name but it feels more comfortable. Anyway every trans person goes through this. I just have to wait it out.

Daphne Alice · March 23, 2016, 11:10:48 AM

I get a very happy feeling when anyone refers to me as she, her, or Daphne. I'm still in boy-mode at work so I have to remember to respond to both so it's been hard. A strange duality of sorts. I do sometimes still call myself "dude" or occasionally birth name, but correct myself. It will take time for sure. And as we get used to it, as most here have said, it will get more natural. My wife is AMAZING with pronouns and name, she's only messed up maybe 3 times and only when it's a knee-jerk reaction such as a car about to hit me or whatever, lol.

Hunchdebunch · March 25, 2016, 05:14:52 PM

When I first started living with my current housemates, they both immediately started referring to me with 'they' pronouns as I had expressed an interest in them previously, although I had never properly asked anyone to use them. It was very strange at first, because I was so used to just putting up with hearing 'she' even though I felt I might want 'they'. But now, having lived here a few months and being constantly 'they' while at home, it sounds right and it's hard to hear 'she'. It's something that I think you will get used to

KarmaGirl · March 25, 2016, 07:08:59 PM

Quote from: Dena on March 21, 2016, 08:16:03 PM
Getting used to new pronouns and names can give you a strange feeling. I had my first exposure to it in group therapy and you kind of have that feeling "Are you really addressing me?". After a while you will start cringing when you are incorrectly addressed. My mom had a hard time adjusting to my new name and one time we were in a womans tall shop buying clothes for me, only one sale person in the store and she used my birth name. So much for stealth.

However, wait until you switch to using the other bathroom.

Ditto.

I'm going to be honest with you here, I STILL react (in my mind) like "Oh Yeah...they are SHE'ing me!" lol

Gemini · March 25, 2016, 07:17:29 PM

It felt pretty weird to me too. In my head I was like "people are just saying this to be nice." That phase passed pretty quick, though, and now even when I'm not in fem mode it bothers me to get sir'd.

Kulena · March 25, 2016, 08:13:53 PM

I absolutely love being referred as girl it feels so good to be recognized for who I really em, and the exseptence on their part is very warming, and when you can do this in public with strangers Wow the feeling awesome

gennee · March 25, 2016, 08:24:40 PM

It takes time to get used to on all sides.

😊

williamspace · March 26, 2016, 05:38:49 PM

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 21, 2016, 08:57:29 PM
When someone calls me ma'am or she, it is hard not to smile from ear to ear. The more one is able to accept oneself, I have to think, the easier it gets for it to sound right.
Moni

This is how I am with he/him/his. I've been trans for a while now and I'm not necessarily closeted, but few people use my correct pronouns. So when they do, I'm so happy!

But, OP, it does take time. And maybe the pronouns won't be the right ones for you if they don't fit. Feel free to experiment!

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Feeling "weird" adjusting to the right pronouns

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