Due to my mothers illness I wanted to give my Dad a heads up as they live a long way away (4500kms) and when I visit them in  2 weeks I wanted to talk to them especially as they are about to head overseas for 2 months and by the time they return changes will be a lot more obvious. Sent my written simple email yesterday and got a call from my Dad. He was surprised and shocked but nodded towards support and acknowledged that I've obviously struggled with this and thought it through.

However he is obsessed with worry for my future and is set in his ideas that this never works out happy for anyone. His background as a police officer makes him focus on the negative. (trans and homosexual drug addicts and prostitutes plus a male dominated conservative work place where the few gay and female staff need to be protected and the very few trans staff are a running joke).

I suspect my best approach is to try and convince him that I will be employable, happier, healthy and in a stable relationship and once he sees this and has some time he will be fine.

Next step is my mother (my dad wants to tell her himself) who is ill and likely to go blaming herself and getting very worried. I am hopeful though that seeing them in person and having the time to talk to them will help a lot.

Good to hear that there is some support from your Dad at least, hope it goes as well with your Mum.

I'm still panicking about telling my parents, I'll see how that goes in a month or two.

Here are a few resources that might be shown:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

Especially the website from the unicorns dad ... its written by a parent showing some restraints cis people might have ... is it a phase (its likely its not) ... did we cause this ... (no people are this way) ... etc...

There are studies showing there is a biological connection to being transgender, to do with brain development before birth.
There are differences in brains of women and men, fixed by various transmitter substances.
So its how people really feel, and its nobodys fault.
The usual remedy is to adapt the body to how people feel its necessary.

There are many happy transgender people.
In fact many people experience a kind of relief once they start hrt.


*hugs*

Quote from: lilijames on March 21, 2016, 04:22:06 PM
Due to my mothers illness I wanted to give my Dad a heads up as they live a long way away (4500kms) and when I visit them in  2 weeks I wanted to talk to them especially as they are about to head overseas for 2 months and by the time they return changes will be a lot more obvious. Sent my written simple email yesterday and got a call from my Dad. He was surprised and shocked but nodded towards support and acknowledged that I've obviously struggled with this and thought it through.

However he is obsessed with worry for my future and is set in his ideas that this never works out happy for anyone. His background as a police officer makes him focus on the negative. (trans and homosexual drug addicts and prostitutes plus a male dominated conservative work place where the few gay and female staff need to be protected and the very few trans staff are a running joke).

I suspect my best approach is to try and convince him that I will be employable, happier, healthy and in a stable relationship and once he sees this and has some time he will be fine.

Next step is my mother (my dad wants to tell her himself) who is ill and likely to go blaming herself and getting very worried. I am hopeful though that seeing them in person and having the time to talk to them will help a lot.

Hey, let's trade dads. 

At least your dad doesn't say things to you like "I can call you whatever I want." Or just not even register that you are trans. You're dad actually cares. Mine doesn't give a ****.

It may help him if you tell him that there are many high profile transgender women who have not only achieved in high level jobs and that societal acceptance is very good in Australia.

Yes there are haters such as the ACL and right wing people in conservative politics.

Then again I have met and talked to right wing politicians, including one who has made particularly dumb comments about safe school policy and he didn't know I was TG. He was absolutely polite and charming when I told him that I was TG. I know that Cate McGregor has had similar experiences.

I also receive my share of hate mail (some quite 'charming') that I give copies too to my local police station. They have never been anything but charming, understanding and protective on my welfare. So I think the attitude of the police here is changing quite dramatically.

Quote from: lilijames on March 21, 2016, 04:22:06 PM
Due to my mothers illness I wanted to give my Dad a heads up as they live a long way away (4500kms) and when I visit them in  2 weeks I wanted to talk to them especially as they are about to head overseas for 2 months and by the time they return changes will be a lot more obvious. Sent my written simple email yesterday and got a call from my Dad. He was surprised and shocked but nodded towards support and acknowledged that I've obviously struggled with this and thought it through.

However he is obsessed with worry for my future and is set in his ideas that this never works out happy for anyone. His background as a police officer makes him focus on the negative. (trans and homosexual drug addicts and prostitutes plus a male dominated conservative work place where the few gay and female staff need to be protected and the very few trans staff are a running joke).

I suspect my best approach is to try and convince him that I will be employable, happier, healthy and in a stable relationship and once he sees this and has some time he will be fine.

Next step is my mother (my dad wants to tell her himself) who is ill and likely to go blaming herself and getting very worried. I am hopeful though that seeing them in person and having the time to talk to them will help a lot.

Quote from: Laura_7 on March 21, 2016, 04:45:58 PM
Here are a few resources that might be shown:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

Especially the website from the unicorns dad ... its written by a parent showing some restraints cis people might have ... is it a phase (its likely its not) ... did we cause this ... (no people are this way) ... etc...

There are studies showing there is a biological connection to being transgender, to do with brain development before birth.
There are differences in brains of women and men, fixed by various transmitter substances.
So its how people really feel, and its nobodys fault.
The usual remedy is to adapt the body to how people feel its necessary.

There are many happy transgender people.
In fact many people experience a kind of relief once they start hrt.


*hugs*

I completely agree with the fact that hrt relieves you! And I say it's better the sooner to tell your family the better (If you have a nice and supportive family)!

                                                                                           Love, Sarina!

Well out to both parents now and some other relatives so they can be supportive to them. My aunt was fantastically supportive. My mum says she is not surprised and is glad I am happier and loves me no matter what. 
Apparently my dad just can't process it and I suspect he'll try and just ignore it to my face but be upset in private. I hope to improve on this in time.

I've heard horrible stories of complete estrangement from family to ongoing relationships that are emotionally abusive and I am so lucky to have a family that is mostly accepting of me.

Congratulations and well done 


*hugs*

Wow. What a difference a few days make. My mum seems ok and is talking to my sister and returning my SMS's .
My dad apparently doesn't want to see me when I visit next week and is changing their holiday next month so they don't have to stay with me and my wife.
It saddens me mostly as he is the primary carer for my mother and if not happy likely to limit access to my mum at least for face to face contact.

Will hope for improvements next week and hopefully he will agree to at least talk to me.

Sorry to hear that Jamie Hope he comes around with time. Sending all my positive thoughts your way.

Quote from: amoeba on March 29, 2016, 03:59:21 AM
Sorry to hear that Jamie Hope he comes around with time. Sending all my positive thoughts your way.

Thanks. He is swinging back and forth at the moment between venting and being normal. I am flying to Perth to see my family this weekend so I am hoping he will improve once he see's I am still me.

Just an update. Flew to visit family and heaps of my extended family were accepting and super supportive. My dad was the only one who wasn't with his reasoning being that he only for-see's a horrible life ending in my suicide. Which even if that is what he thinks I'll never understand why he thought it is a good idea to say that to me.
He is going to "try" to be civil but doesn't want to know anything and doesn't want to talk about it except to occasionally drop in his own ignorant opinion as though it is gospel. My mom on the other hand was pretty cool and even grabbed my boob whilst having a laughing fit which was hilarious.

I am happy at least with the other reactions I got and my young nephews were super cool about it as was by brother in law and am at least happy that I know where I stand with my dad rather than trying to read between the lines of flip flopping emails and phone calls.

Finally my aunt told my cousin who is always posting redneck stuff on facebook and I got a lovely message of support from him. So you can never really tell how people will react.

Overall was a great weekend visit

WoW. Rocking visit!

Well done Hon and what lovely responses!

I know my memory fails, but I could have sworn that just a few weeks ago a certain Sydney girl was telling us how nervous she was going out for the first time.

Wonder where she went

Great outcome overall! Congratulations

Quote from: Cindy on April 05, 2016, 03:30:33 AM
WoW. Rocking visit!

Well done Hon and what lovely responses!

I know my memory fails, but I could have sworn that just a few weeks ago a certain Sydney girl was telling us how nervous she was going out for the first time.

Wonder where she went

Nervousness seems to have evaporated and I am even finding hard to remember what held me back for so much of my life. I didn't take any guy clothes for the trip and had zero problems with flights, cabs, shops or family. My one concession was jeans tshirt and shirt when I saw my Dad but I saw him again the next dad with a knee length cardigan and handbag and knecklace and bracelets. Is a slippery slope but is feeling fantastic.

It's not a slippery slope, it's climbing to the top of a wonderful peak, set amongst a landscape that you've spent a lifetime searching for!

Sounds like a good result Jamie.

Quote from: rosinstraya on April 05, 2016, 09:13:13 PM
It's not a slippery slope, it's climbing to the top of a wonderful peak, set amongst a landscape that you've spent a lifetime searching for!

To use a running analogy as you start to crest a hill if you've managed to maintain your pace everything suddenly starts to get easier and more comfortable and it can feel like you are gliding over the hill. That is what it feels like to me at the moment. I'm wary of stumbling but so far so good

Quote from: lilijames on April 06, 2016, 07:39:31 AM

Quote from: rosinstraya on April 05, 2016, 09:13:13 PM
It's not a slippery slope, it's climbing to the top of a wonderful peak, set amongst a landscape that you've spent a lifetime searching for!

To use a running analogy as you start to crest a hill if you've managed to maintain your pace everything suddenly starts to get easier and more comfortable and it can feel like you are gliding over the hill. That is what it feels like to me at the moment. I'm wary of stumbling but so far so good

Yes, do be wary of the stumble, it will happen but they get less common. Just shout out when it happens. We will shout back!

Good for you on your parents support. My mother always knew I was a girl & very happy for me but my father never approved & was quite mean to me until I left home right after high school.