I'm 16 and have been freaking out so much. I know I'm still young but I'm so tired of wasting time being unhappy.

I don't want to get T when I'm like 25 and think back, "Wow, I don't really have any happy memories... I didn't really have a good childhood." But I also have the problem of "Am I even going to make it to 25?"

I'm so unhappy. My family cannot afford T, we're just making enough to pay rent. My mom doesn't help us financially.

I am not afraid of taking testosterone, I'm afraid of continuing my life like this when I know it's not gonna get better without it.

Being alive is literally killing me.

Welcome to Susan's Place. Many of us were once where you are now and you need to start planing. The first problem is you might not be permitted to start T until you are 18. You are old enough that you might be able to earn some money that could go toward treatment when you are old enough. When I transitioned, I knew at age 13 what needed to happen but I was unable to receive hormones till I reached age 26 and my transition happened after that. You might be able to get some therapy through school and it's possible that your family insurance policy would cover treatment. You will need to take responsibility for your treatment by asking what resources are available to you.

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I'm assuming you don't have insurance since its really expensive even with Obama care but like Dena said you could save money by getting a job if you don't have one. I know it may be really uncomfortable to have to go to work as a woman and that depression can make it extremely hard to do anything (I battle it on a regular) but just keep thinking about why you are there.
Even if you have to help your family out with the money you make from this job you can still save a little here and there. You have the beauty of not having to pay rent I'm sure your dad (assuming that's your guardian) will only ask you to pay for things like food and that's if he even ask. Parents don't tend to ask their kids for things they are supposed to provide.
With depression you really just have to be strictly telling yourself all the positive in your life because the negative things will always creep in. Negative thoughts happen so passively you need to fight them with the good.
So it may take a little longer to get on T but you will be on it one day and that's always something to look forward to. For now you can just try your best to look like a guy. Don't let not being on T stop you from being who you are and enjoying your teen years. There's always something to look forward to and keep you going

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I'm sorry about your situation. As hard as it would be, being uncomfortable as you are, you might have to try get your own job. I understand pre-T getting a job would be terrifying and uncomfortable for some people, I'm avoiding it like hell also, but think about how important T is to you and your future that this is just a sacrifice you'll have to make. Not sure where you live but in where I live (Australia) you can't even go on T before you're 18, so you might not be able to regardless. Not sure how expensive T would be where you live also, or your healthcare system. Consider selling some expensive possessions of yours that would last to pay for T until you can find a job. A gaming console, games, laptop etc for example if you're willing to make that sacrifice.

Stay strong

My dad doesn't want me to get a job because he's worried I'll get mugged/murdered by all the transphobic people around here. I live in the bible-belt (Missouri to be exact), and everyone hates the LGBT community.

A friend of mine who's also trans got beat up.

Quote from: tyler_c on March 22, 2016, 12:27:36 PM
My dad doesn't want me to get a job because he's worried I'll get mugged/murdered by all the transphobic people around here. I live in the bible-belt (Missouri to be exact), and everyone hates the LGBT community.

A friend of mine who's also trans got beat up.

Well there could be some tasks where this is less the case ...
could you find some jobs where mainly women are present ? Or a social job ?
Some jobs might involve only few persons. Like going shopping for an elderly person in the vicinity ...

Next t is not that much.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206087.msg1829070.html#msg1829070
There might be endos who work on a sliding scale. Additionally you might ask at plannedparenthood, some do transgender treatment. Or ask at a lgbt center for a referral.


*hugs*

Is there any kind of online work you could do?  I'm currently looking into online transcription because I type quickly and some of the sites look legit, but I haven't gone beyond a first typing test yet.  Or something like Fiverr or some other kind of freelance work you could offer?  You might not be making as much as a "regular job" but it could be more convenient and safe.

Yes LGBT can get mugged and murdered but you can't let that fear run your life. I would not go around saying your trans to everyone at your job but your dad could drop you off and pick you up from work. Its much harder to murder someone with store security cameras and coworkers watching your back.

Quote from: tyler_c on March 21, 2016, 07:16:50 PM
I'm 16 and have been freaking out so much. I know I'm still young but I'm so tired of wasting time being unhappy.

I don't want to get T when I'm like 25 and think back, "Wow, I don't really have any happy memories... I didn't really have a good childhood." But I also have the problem of "Am I even going to make it to 25?"

I'm so unhappy. My family cannot afford T, we're just making enough to pay rent. My mom doesn't help us financially.

I am not afraid of taking testosterone, I'm afraid of continuing my life like this when I know it's not gonna get better without it.

Being alive is literally killing me.

My best advice is waiting to you turn 18, or maybe 20. I know the truth sucks. When you're a adult, you can get a full time work, decide over your own body and get a better economy. I would probably not go on T before 20 (Because long waiting lists and I have to turn adult first). I may not have a childhood like everybody else, but I would have much knowledge from the past that I can use in my future adult life. (Example reading, writing, math, history etc.) You can still live a great life even you're trans. If I look away from the old school, I had a good life before "puberty". Pre-"puberty", I had also a life without gender dysphoria. Most people have some good memories from the past too, not only negative. A good memory could be so little as baking a cake to something greater like a holiday.

Well, as someone who personally waited until 25 to finally start T, and as someone who does live in the South (Florida to be exact) I feel practically obligated to come in and help answer this question.

First of all, yes, working as a woman when you are a male inside can be extremely stressful and discouraging. I personally tended to avoid any job where I had to interact with customers because my low self-esteem made me very meek and emotionally on edge (something I'm still working on, but it can be worked on.) Oddly enough, even though my first job was at a Walmart in Texas, both my direct supervisor and a good friend I met there were trans women, though they still presented as male at the time. So you'll be surprised where you might find supportive people.

For immediate support on this issue, a quick Google search reveals a few places you might be able to call up and ask for safe employment recommendations for your area. There's the Transgender Institute in Kansas City, the Glo Center in Springfield, the LGBT Community Center in St. Louis (although one reviewer does mention this has closed), and the Center Project in Columbia. If nothing else, they might be able to give you more direct advice and support as it applies to your specific state.

Was it hell waiting those eight years to finally start my transition? You bet it was. But the key is not to give up. Try not to look at what you don't have now, but instead look at what you will have in the future and let that motivate you to reach goals. Once you get a job - and unfortunately that's an unavoidable fact of life right now, having to get a job - then hopefully they'll happen to have a company-offered health insurance that covers the transition process like UnitedHealthcare. Under them, I paid $10 out of pocket for a four-month supply of T and some needles. Now, if you don't intend to move away from that job once you start transitioning, coming out may be unavoidable. Unfortunately, I can't personally advise on how best to do that, as that's something I'm still trying to do at my own work.

Anyway, I wish you luck, and I hope one of the places I listed can help you in some way.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I had a job to pay to go to a private gender identity clinic because the NHS one had a waiting list that was too long. I wasn't out at the time so had to present female at work; which caused my depression; social anxiety and dysphoria to escalate. So much so that a few months after starting I decided to come out. But before coming out; I was also afraid for my personal safety in regards to how customers treated. I never had any issues; maybe because I managed to act confident and self assured.
I think you maybe should look into getting at least a part time job. I'd hate for you to regret not trasitioning now. There are always dangers for anyone who works; but as long as you have friendly coworkers and a friendly manager you'll be absolutely fine. Plus you'll only have to work a couple of months to safe up money.
If I didn't have that job to transition I don't think I'll be alive now. Plus it taught me to be more resilient and it was much more healthy for me than staying at home wishing I could be on T; which made me suicidal.

There are a number of jobs to consider. Baby sitting, house cleaning, yard work and other tasks around the neighborhood where you work for people you know. My niece taught kids how to swim and did light office work. I on the other hand ended up at the office of my moms construction company cleaning up years of accumulation. Some of it involved really heavy lifting so I even got to run the fork life to move stuff around. I also did yard work and weed control. Little mom and pop shops might be able to give you a safe working environment taking care of stuff around the store.

Many of the jobs may involve hard work because most likely other kids don't want to do them but good things don't always come easy.

I think the first thing you need to do is get your dad to agree to letting you have a part-time job. Let him set whatever parameters he wants in order to make things feel safe, but you're going to need money in order to transition.

If you have any near you, Best Buy, Starbucks, and Apple Stores all offer trans-inclusive health insurance that would help you. That is what I would recommend. Insurance would cover the majority of your transition-related medical expenses, plus you'd be getting experience and money that you could put towards any out of pocket costs.

As far as the rest of your post, I knew I was trans at 17 and waited until I was 25 to come out and start transitioning. I don't regret anything. While it did suck having to hide who I was, it enabled me to finish school, get a lot of work experience, and save money - all of which enabled me to complete my medical transition in under 2 years. Had I gone ahead and transitioned at 17, it would've been a constant battle trying to find the money and the right time to have surgery, all while dealing with the dysphoria.