Everyone calls me "sir" and I took estrogen for 5-1/2 years. I grew my hair out too. I got electrolysis and had two hair implant surgeries to make my temples be filled in with hair to give me a feminine arc hairline. I also have FFS scheduled with Dr. Meltzer for my forehead, nose, jaw and throat. I feel like I can't do anything right. Help me.

This is a personal decision and I can't decide this for you. For me, there was a point were I knew I wouldn't be happy if I returned to my old life. What ever the new life handed to me would be better than what I faced in the past. I suggest you think about the pain that drove you to transition in the first place and decide if you will be able tolerate it. If you can, you have two options. If you can't you only have one option.

In another of your threads you say you wont even go out dressed as female without FFS....so I am confused. In what way have you transitioned to begin with?

Blossom sometimes its our own doubts that manifest.
Have some trust,
try to hold on to a vision you like.

Try to avoid mental and emotional exaggerations.

Do you have a gender therapist ? They might help steering a more even course.
There are some working on a sliding scale.


*hugs*

I transitioned to save my life. You have to answer your own reasons for wanting transition. You can look at this a number of ways. If your born to only reach the height of 4 feet tall do you say life isn't worth living. People are able to have good lives no matter what they physically look like. Why do you want to be a woman and what does it matter what you look like on a fundamental level of what life is. I personally think I look half way decent , but I know I'll never be cis and I know I'll forever carry the awareness of being born male no matter what I do to myself . Find what's most important to yourself and just do it. I doubt there is a single human being on this planet that does wish they looked better. Self acceptance is the key.

do you have a legal name and gender change? If you don't then you could continue HRT if it makes you happy, and present as male or androgynous when you want, you could even still have FFS and see if that helps you pass as female, and if it does present as female from then on, or as male when you want to, or just discontinue HRT and present male (FFS will make you look more feminine though), Some of the physical changes from HRT will revert back, but some of the changes like breast development will not, so instead of FFS you could have surgery to remove breast tissue. Or if you already legally changed your name and gender, then it is a fairly easy process to go back to court and have your name changed back to your birth name, and then make the rounds and change your name/gender at various places.

A lot of people in the trans community discourage detransition, and that can make some people feel trapped and very depressed, but it shouldn't be that way, because transition doesn't always work out for everyone, due to a lot of reasons, and not being able to pass is one of them; it doesn't mean that they are any less female or male; it's just something that is, and if detransition is what they need to do for any reason, then it is a viable option, and there should be no discouragement or shaming involved. So, if you feel that detransition is what you need to do, then by all means do so. Best wishes

Thank you everyone for your help. I have confidence in the FFS, so I will keep moving forward with the transition.

Age works in your favor.  As we get older, the difference between men and women becomes less and less.  I'm 66 and pretty androgynous.  I'm very comfortable with that.

Thanks Randi.

At 6ft tall, ugly as sin, almost as bald as a cue ball, super-sized super orbital ridges, big feet, frog hands, and deeper then the average males voice, I experimented with transitioning twice in my past, both times utter fails. A lot due to attitude. I never allowed my self to put those "Some Guy" in a dress thoughts in the rubbish bin where they belong.

Almost 30 years latter about the positive physical change is being an inch shorter. Emotionally a lot has changed. However, I also put in the extra time to have as unambiguous female presentation as possible. Loving girlie-girl is a plus. I also do casual like jeans, when more appropriate.

Perhaps it's luck, but I haven't been mis-gendered yet nor had any of the confrontations I did 30 years ago. Today when I do get those lingering a tad too long stares I chalk them up to looking pretty good for an old bat rather then the immediate going negative response I had. I am sure the shear joy of being out in the real world as the real me has a lot to do with looking at the positive side.

JoAnneB, thank you for your inspiring story. I actually feel less bad now. If you don't mind me asking, did you have FFS?

Much to my chagrin my nick name growing up and even later was "Baby-Face", for a variety of reasons    It actually turned into an asset with hair and makep

If you're not already seeing a therapist, that's probably your first step.  Ask yourself if you really have a choice - if so then make a list of pro's and con's.  Everyone's journey is different, for some it's about survival, where transitioning is the only way.  Sometimes the only way around a insurmountable obstacle is right through it.

JoAnnB, why are you between a rock, hard place and a pile driver?

Old thread. Locked to prevent it being necroed.