Its a strange thing to be back.

H. got me commenting, I saw their pain, cant turn my back on it.

Aisla is right.  You know me well dear one.

I'm in a few places and have a number of names.  Some male, some female..

Im accutely aware of our struggles in all of trans.  Our pains.  The old trans narratives and cultures, the new.

I feel like an aging fairy who returned to the wood and found most of her kin had passed on.  Arwen after the passing of Aragorn, her kin having sailed into the west.

Such deep history in this old forest, such deep pain.

In the archives of this place there is so much to find, to learn.  About gender, about life.  And about sad rifts in our community, rifts i do not find irl.  Irl i see a new beginning.  Trans united.

Id put up links, i did a music vid on trans homelessness that would tear you apart.  Its an island here though so ill keep my comments only as it relates to Susans.  I compartmentalize my involvements, have walls between them to keep the peace.

So im just talking.  There is no point to the thread.  But its strange to be here.

Ashe you are correct i live in the City.  We will meet some time, my schedule is packed, i have to schedule epilating my legs, its that tight.

Enjoy being nonbinary.  Its a great life to live.

Satin Joy

Quote from: Satinjoy on March 25, 2016, 08:26:01 AM
Enjoy being nonbinary.  Its a great life to live.

In my heart of hearts, there is no male and no female.  There is no binary, hence all is nonbinary.

But outside, in the world, in the society of USA 2016, the lines are drawn and wars are being fought.  The zealots run the show and demand that you take sides, and you're either with us, "all in," or you're a d***ed traitor.  Gender "traitors" are punished harshly for showing themselves in public (or in private, if the gender police can catch them.)  Or for just wanting to go to the toilet.  Love has no place in this world.  Being yourself has no place in this world, unless your self is the meanest SOB in the valley.

To live openly non-binary, I would have to be ready to fight every day.  And I'm not a fighter.  Back in the days before I developed the ability to hide my nature adequately, I was fought with every day.  Well, they fought.  I just got beaten, immediately and ignominiously, every time.  (Think: Michael Tyson in a bout with a 6-year-old.)  The best parts of me died back then and there are wounds that will never heal.  Ever since, what is left of the real me has only been able to live behind metaphorical stone walls where I am completely alone.  It has a simulacrum of a man to serve as a go-between with the outside world and make sure no one comes in.

I'm old now, and in my declining years, I'm not looking to live openly as myself.  I'm just looking for a high-walled garden where what's left of me can come out of the cell it hides in every now and then and smell the flowers and enjoy the sun.

Quote from: Satinjoy on March 25, 2016, 08:26:01 AM
I feel like an aging fairy who returned to the wood and found most of her kin had passed on.  Arwen after the passing of Aragorn, her kin having sailed into the west.

And yet, there is a lot of life in the non-binary area. People are posting questions, offering solutions, expressing opinions.

Yes, the offerings are different from years ago. Less whimsical perhaps. Different, but not lesser. I see it as a change, not demise. Change is inevitable. Every system changes, morphs, grows, and adapts.

Changes is a good thing. Stagnation is what truly leads to passing on.

Welcome back Satinjoy. There is much here for you to do.

What the loggers like to say about our NW rainforests is that they are continually "regenerating."  So yes we replant with new ideas, fresh perspectives and youth taking up the charge.  But we critically need our "old growth" as it drops the best adapted seeds, is more fire resistant and provides more habitat for the other woodland creatures.

There are more parallels we can learn from.  When an old tree goes down in the forest and is left to rot it becomes a whole new ecosystem and functions as a "nurse log."   It becomes the perfect habitat for juvenile trees, mushrooms and epiphytes of all kinds.  It captures carbon for very slow release and of course WE are carbon based beings who need to bring a carbon balance back to this planets atmosphere.

The atmosphere we create on theses pages similarly needs the fullest spectrum of participants and ideas for robust personal growth.  We obviously help to expose hundreds of thousands of readers, who may never post, but will learn and can share in shaping the changes we need.

The current social climate is warming for us.  Our growing visibility and public knowledge of transgender peoples bears fruit.  Significantly, we see the younger generations more free from gender and orientation labels while adopting fluidity and welcoming diversity.  The push back by the regressive sorts is actually affirmation that we are finally seen and part of the larger community.  Their fear and ignorance is palpable and the knee jerk responses play out in freedom to discriminate bills as in NC.  Ultimately we create bigger circles of personal and community support that can handle reality based policy.  Governments rarely lead but are pulled, pushed and turned over in efforts to till this fertile soil.

Growing up in the 50s virtually no one was out of the closet.  If you were different you were hidden.  My attempt to transition in the 90s was thwarted by a lack of resources that are abundant and proliferating today. 

This is a better world and all of our forests can and must be nourished and recognized for the social and ecosystem benefits that accrue to all.

I'm so sorry that U.S. society is so harsh with their gender expectations for those born XY.

I am grateful that I wasn't born in a country such as Japan, where the harsh expectations are greater for those born XX.

I'm in the midst of watching the documentary Intersexion, about life as an intersexual. One person related the words a doctor said to this person when they were 14: This is a world of men and women. You are neither. You are nothing. You are nothing.

I'm one of the fortunate ones: My masculine side was encouraged, or at least not discouraged.

Kinda late returning to the thread and theres really cool responses on it.

I did an in your face transition in FL to nonbinary.  Including beard and eyeliner at one time, and the boobs of course were subtly there, and knee high boots.  Thats the visual. 

It takes some balls Asche and it is easier to do the fence thing.  I do both IRL.  We need to hang in the village some time....

Suzi, yes, I know dear... thank you.  You needed to remind me of this.  There is still some healing needed.

Tessa I love the analogy.  Its all there to look at... I've missed your posts honey.

DogSpirit the expectations vary within the us by state.  Some places are harder than others to deal with.

Thats all I have for now.  I still feel a bit flat emotionally lately, I lot has happened in the last couple of years.

It would be wrong of me to try to change an existing culture here... but I think its probably cool for an old Fairy of the forest to still be around watching quietly.

I used to say this, I think I will tonight...

Nails out, hair down and heart wide open...

But sh'e is older now and it is slowing h'er down.

Satinjoy

This week I've been battered by gender dichotomy: the brain-dead doctor to the 14-year-old and a cultural anthropology presentation on female circumcision "removing any male tissue" and male circumcision "removing any female tissue."

Then I found some comfort when I found the following quote (in O Magazine):

QuoteNo person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.

You nailed that

And warriors we are.  When at our best, warriors of love.

Quote from: Satinjoy on March 27, 2016, 03:48:29 PM
It takes some balls Asche and it is easier to do the fence thing.

Not to be too crude, but I'm planning to get rid of my balls.

More seriously: "easier" has always been my preference.  I'm a coward.

I'm not any kind of warrior, not even an SJW (=Social Justice Warrior.  I'd be willing to join the ladies' auxiliary, though.)  "He who turns and runs away / lives to run another day" has always been my motto.

In fact, I've always thought that the main reason I didn't kill myself at age 10 or 11 was that I didn't have the guts to go through with it.  If I could have just gone to sleep and never woken up, it would have been an improvement.  Sick of living, but scared of dying (especially the grosser aspects.)  After that, things got less bad, so I had less reason to want to.

If you're planning to get rid of your balls, you're a warrior to me. That's one brave move. You're one brave person for walking your personal path.

Keep running!

-- Sue

Quote from: DogSpirit on March 30, 2016, 07:32:07 PM
If you're planning to get rid of your balls, you're a warrior to me.

It does mean I won't be able to do any of those things it takes "balls" to do.

Quote from: DogSpirit on March 30, 2016, 07:32:07 PM
That's one brave move. You're one brave person for walking your personal path.

Is it bravery to do something if you don't have any alternative?

If you're trapped in a burning house, is it bravery to smash a window and jump out?

If you wake up in a coffin, is it bravery to try to force the lid off and get out?

QuoteIs it bravery to do something if you don't have any alternative?

The last time this sentiment was expressed to me: I was in the Soviet Union talking with a Soviet citizen trying to leave.

Yes, actually, I personally still believe it's bravery.

I'm sure the ladies' auxiliary is looking forward to you running in to join them 

Big op.  Lotta pain, maintenence..  Not for everyone.

Not ruled out for me, not likely either.  No op is fine for now.

I am socially fluid.  Full transition under the veils.  Living any gender any time and all the time.  Its complicated.  But dont underestimate the power of hormones.  Low dose is another option but im not low dose.

Hrt for me....heaven.

Living as i feel...priceless.

Having my body...lifesaving.

And its easy to do it...now.   Wasnt in the beginning.