I've recently come out to friends and they're still very awkward and there are still a lot of slip ups, and even when they use my now preferred name I still feel uncomfortable and awkward. Is this normal? It seems like everyone feels 'right' when people start using their preferred name but I just feel weird lol. I feel weird with either name at the moment, nothing feels right.

I don't know about others but when I get called by my preferred name I used to get hyped! But, I think your reaction is most likely going to be normal.

But, I think it helped that I was dead set on the name and calling my self mentally by said name years before.

                                                                      Love, Sarina!

It's possible you are picking up on some discomfort from other people about using your name. The important thing is to make sure you own the name, use it whenever you get the opportunity and correct people who don't. Be proud of your name and who you are!

Quote from: SanaRinomi on March 26, 2016, 06:08:47 AM
I don't know about others but when I get called by my preferred name I used to get hyped! But, I think your reaction is most likely going to be normal.

But, I think it helped that I was dead set on the name and calling my self mentally by said name years before.

                                                                      Love, Sarina!

That's cool. I think it's just cause I can tell they're a bit awkward with it also lol. I don't know, hopefully I'll get used to it along with everyone else. They're messing up the pronouns constantly too :/

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 26, 2016, 06:45:07 AM
It's possible you are picking up on some discomfort from other people about using your name. The important thing is to make sure you own the name, use it whenever you get the opportunity and correct people who don't. Be proud of your name and who you are!

I wish I was confident enough to correct people but I just shrug it off, especially my parents. I know it'll be easier for everyone once I start T.

i was uncomfortable. mostly because it was new, felt different and i had gone by that name online so i associated it with being ashamed, even though i loved the name. there will be slip ups, and you have to remember that they probably aren't doing it on purpose and you WILL know when they are doing it on purpose. just imagine knowing a chair is called a chair ever since this chair came into your life, but then you go to a different country and someone told you no, that's a table. you'd have troubles calling it a table after that, wouldn't you? because you knew it as a chair before, but now it's called a table. people who care i think eventually get it right and stop slipping up. when my mom would slip up with my birth name, i'd be like "who?" or i would straight up tell her i wouldn't answer by that name and ignored her until she used the right one which was usually a minute later, or even my brother would correct her. i think she just hated the fact i'd actually ignore her, but it did work. my relationship with my mom is different and i'm older, so it made it easier for me.

the point is, you can't expect everyone to switch right away. my aunt when she would mess up would be like "i've known you for 22 (at the time) years as this name, now i need to change it" because they associate who you are with that name. you can't just expect everything to change over night because it is all a process. the only person in my life who switched right away, no mess ups, etc. was my brother. he didn't question nothing, just accepted it and i am very thankful for that because it made it easier when everyone else screwed up. when you start T, it will be a process and if you get surgery, it's a process. everything with transitioning literally takes time and i know that it seems like everything takes FOREVER to line into place (even the little things), and sometimes it does but when it does? it's a great thing and you will (hopefully) realize how worth that wait it was.

Quote from: invisiblemonsters on March 26, 2016, 08:40:39 AM
i was uncomfortable. mostly because it was new, felt different and i had gone by that name online so i associated it with being ashamed, even though i loved the name. there will be slip ups, and you have to remember that they probably aren't doing it on purpose and you WILL know when they are doing it on purpose. just imagine knowing a chair is called a chair ever since this chair came into your life, but then you go to a different country and someone told you no, that's a table. you'd have troubles calling it a table after that, wouldn't you? because you knew it as a chair before, but now it's called a table. people who care i think eventually get it right and stop slipping up. when my mom would slip up with my birth name, i'd be like "who?" or i would straight up tell her i wouldn't answer by that name and ignored her until she used the right one which was usually a minute later, or even my brother would correct her. i think she just hated the fact i'd actually ignore her, but it did work. my relationship with my mom is different and i'm older, so it made it easier for me.

the point is, you can't expect everyone to switch right away. my aunt when she would mess up would be like "i've known you for 22 (at the time) years as this name, now i need to change it" because they associate who you are with that name. you can't just expect everything to change over night because it is all a process. the only person in my life who switched right away, no mess ups, etc. was my brother. he didn't question nothing, just accepted it and i am very thankful for that because it made it easier when everyone else screwed up. when you start T, it will be a process and if you get surgery, it's a process. everything with transitioning literally takes time and i know that it seems like everything takes FOREVER to line into place (even the little things), and sometimes it does but when it does? it's a great thing and you will (hopefully) realize how worth that wait it was.

Yeah, I understand the slip-ups are unavoidable and I don't expect any less. Except for my dad who has literally stated that he 'can't' and 'won't' just because he 'doesn't want to' (a bit selfish lol). He said 'he might be able to in a few months'. I'm very close to telling him to suck it up because this isn't about him and his little uncomfortable-ness he has with calling me the name I prefer is nothing compared to how uncomfortable it makes me with him not doing so. Sounds harsh, but true.

I've also gone by this name on online games and stuff so maybe that is attributing it to being weird. I've really only been out to these friends for less than a week so it's no surprise; though my parents have known for 6+ months and are still messing up tremendously. I don't know. I feel like it's just such a shallow world and nobody will be able to get it right until I go on T and pass. They'll always get better, but there will always be people like my father who just refuse to for their own selfish comfort until they're comfortable enough with seeing me as male.

Quote from: Moneyless on March 26, 2016, 09:07:20 AM
Yeah, I understand the slip-ups are unavoidable and I don't expect any less. Except for my dad who has literally stated that he 'can't' and 'won't' just because he 'doesn't want to' (a bit selfish lol). He said 'he might be able to in a few months'. I'm very close to telling him to suck it up because this isn't about him and his little uncomfortable-ness he has with calling me the name I prefer is nothing compared to how uncomfortable it makes me with him not doing so. Sounds harsh, but true.

I've also gone by this name on online games and stuff so maybe that is attributing it to being weird. I've really only been out to these friends for less than a week so it's no surprise; though my parents have known for 6+ months and are still messing up tremendously. I don't know. I feel like it's just such a shallow world and nobody will be able to get it right until I go on T and pass. They'll always get better, but there will always be people like my father who just refuse to for their own selfish comfort until they're comfortable enough with seeing me as male.

it takes a bit. your dad will eventually (hopefully) come around when you do go on T and realize you're serious about it. my grandfather is the same way but i don't see him often. if anyone thought he was calling me by my birth name they would think he is crazy because i have been on T for almost two years and have had top surgery. i would tell him exactly that. some people you can't be so passive with and need to be straight up with. if they still don't accept it then oh well, that sounds like their problem and you need to continue to live your life. not everyone will accept you, and it sucks when it is someone like a parent, but it happens. all you can do is move forward the best you can and don't let anything bring you down. as i said, when things end up falling into place it is a great thing.

It was weird for me at first, too, but what helped was calling myself Jonathan in my head all the time. After a few months of that it really feels like my name and I get a rush when people call me Jonathan (which sadly doesn't happen that often yet). I've also had some weird instances where people email or text me with my name misspelled and that feels really bizarre. But as soon as I correct them and they use the right spelling it feels normal again. I never thought that spelling would have such an affect, lol. I'm not sure how to get my parents to use my new name and pronouns either because they've used my birth name for 31 years. I can tell when they call me my birth name that they don't even realize they're doing it but I feel bad constantly correcting them.

I've gone through a handful of names and I can tell you, that for me, it's normal. I personally feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone and that they are trying too hard. But I've had my current name for like a year or so and it's still great! I love hearing it.

If you still feel that way after a while, try another name. There's only one way to figure it out.  I wish you the best of luck!

I personally was uniquely unaffected by this awkward feeling because I'd been going by Guile among my friends for a while before I came out as trans. (I'm a member of the often-reviled furry fandom, and had been Guile the Crocodile for ages. My friends and I usually just called each other by our "furry" names.) Once I came out and told them that Guile would be my real name, there wasn't even any awkwardness on their part at calling me that name, because they were already doing it for fun. I think it also cut me out of the excitement of finally being called my real name as a recognition of my true self, at least among my friends. I did got a little giddy and happy when my mother started calling me Guile, and I think I got even more excited when one of my grandmothers casually called me that in public without batting an eyelash the other day.

My name and pronouns felt weird for a while, yeah. I had been 'she' and my birthname for ages as I hadn't chosen a new name and didn't try to reinforce my pronouns at first. Then fairly recently, I moved in with a couple of friends, and they both immediately started using 'they' pronouns for me (I had expressed an interest in using them, but had said I was too nervous to ask for them). That was strange at first, because I had gone from not having anyone use 'they' for me, to suddenly being 'they' constantly around the house. When I decided to try a new name, my housemates were very supportive and said that if I wanted to try it just in the house with them to see if it works, then I could, even if I then decided I didn't like that name and wanted to try a new one. Since then, they have both pretty much without fail (I think they messed up once?) called me Kolby. At first that was strange too. I felt I was only responding because the fact that they looked at me when saying it showed they were referring to me. But now I respond to it quite easily.

One thing I found for getting used to the name, is using it in safe places. For example, when games asked my name, I used Kolby. It's good if those games use text dialogue rather than voiced dialogue, as they tend to use the name you give (like Pokemon or Animal Crossing, for example) It was a safe place to try it and see how it fits, and a way to have 'people' refer to me as that name without having to ask people in real life to use it.

Both name and pronouns STILL feel weird to me after five months, and I picked the name Mitch from a "dead" name of Michelle!  It's not a BAD weird, it's just that sometimes it takes me a split second to realize that they are talking about me.  Also, when asked my name, it takes me a split second to remember not to say Michelle!  Thirty years I went by Michelle, so even switching to Mitch is tough.  My parents, however, are the only ones who have had even a tiny bit of a problem remembering my new name.  Sometimes friends and acquaintances mess up pronouns since I still don't pass all the time (especially to people who are slowly watching the changes), but they never mess up my name.  I haven't had anyone but my parents call me by my dead name since I announced I was changing it.  Part of that may be that the names are so similar that it is easy for people to make the switch.  Or maybe I'm just lucky there.  Overall, though, I don't think it's strange to have discomfort over your new name.  After all, no matter how much you may have used it online, your dead name is what you have been called since birth and it is ingrained in your subconscious.  It takes time to 100% alter that "insta-recognition" trigger and until that happens you may not feel like it is truly your name.  It does happen, though--you just have to give your brain time to recalculate the subconscious.

I'm in the process of adopting a dog, and I've been thinking that this is probably similar to what an adopted dog goes through if a new owner decides to change its name -- give or take, of course, that it's not the dog's decision.

But it's natural that one should feel some confusion at first, and perhaps not "answer" to the new name right away, even in one's own head.

Quote from: Hunchdebunch on March 27, 2016, 05:32:20 AM
My name and pronouns felt weird for a while, yeah. I had been 'she' and my birthname for ages as I hadn't chosen a new name and didn't try to reinforce my pronouns at first. Then fairly recently, I moved in with a couple of friends, and they both immediately started using 'they' pronouns for me (I had expressed an interest in using them, but had said I was too nervous to ask for them). That was strange at first, because I had gone from not having anyone use 'they' for me, to suddenly being 'they' constantly around the house. When I decided to try a new name, my housemates were very supportive and said that if I wanted to try it just in the house with them to see if it works, then I could, even if I then decided I didn't like that name and wanted to try a new one. Since then, they have both pretty much without fail (I think they messed up once?) called me Kolby. At first that was strange too. I felt I was only responding because the fact that they looked at me when saying it showed they were referring to me. But now I respond to it quite easily.

One thing I found for getting used to the name, is using it in safe places. For example, when games asked my name, I used Kolby. It's good if those games use text dialogue rather than voiced dialogue, as they tend to use the name you give (like Pokemon or Animal Crossing, for example) It was a safe place to try it and see how it fits, and a way to have 'people' refer to me as that name without having to ask people in real life to use it.

Yeah, I use the name for all online sources too. PSN, games, websites etc. The only thing I haven't really changed  yet is Facebook. I had been using this name for quite a few things for years, before even coming out. I still just find it weird people actually calling me that now. I do recognise it as being me though, I don't think 'who's that' lol.

Quote from: FtMitch on March 27, 2016, 09:30:55 AM
Both name and pronouns STILL feel weird to me after five months, and I picked the name Mitch from a "dead" name of Michelle!  It's not a BAD weird, it's just that sometimes it takes me a split second to realize that they are talking about me.  Also, when asked my name, it takes me a split second to remember not to say Michelle!  Thirty years I went by Michelle, so even switching to Mitch is tough.  My parents, however, are the only ones who have had even a tiny bit of a problem remembering my new name.  Sometimes friends and acquaintances mess up pronouns since I still don't pass all the time (especially to people who are slowly watching the changes), but they never mess up my name.  I haven't had anyone but my parents call me by my dead name since I announced I was changing it.  Part of that may be that the names are so similar that it is easy for people to make the switch.  Or maybe I'm just lucky there.  Overall, though, I don't think it's strange to have discomfort over your new name.  After all, no matter how much you may have used it online, your dead name is what you have been called since birth and it is ingrained in your subconscious.  It takes time to 100% alter that "insta-recognition" trigger and until that happens you may not feel like it is truly your name.  It does happen, though--you just have to give your brain time to recalculate the subconscious.

I don't get confused between saying my name, I mean both names make me feel awkward but by far being called my birthname makes me way more uncomfortable, I don't associate it with me anymore. Maybe that is because my new name and birth name have nothing in common. I have a few friends who are very correct on the pronouns/name and basically never mess up, if anything they've almost messed up with calling me my new name infront of people who still don't know lol. They're awesome. But I have more people on the opposite side where they're still saying she etc. I don't pass either, mainly because of my voice and height/body shape. 

Yeah, I thought the same thing that naturally you would be uncomfortable but I've never seen anyone really talk about it. Everyone on YouTube is ecstatic when people use their new name and I'm here sort of like ehh.

Quote from: Tysilio on March 27, 2016, 01:38:47 PM
I'm in the process of adopting a dog, and I've been thinking that this is probably similar to what an adopted dog goes through if a new owner decides to change its name -- give or take, of course, that it's not the dog's decision.

But it's natural that one should feel some confusion at first, and perhaps not "answer" to the new name right away, even in one's own head.

Interesting analogy lol

I experimented with a lot of names in my teens but none of them seemed to fit. In the end, I decided to keep my name--my middle name! I am planning to go to court in a few months to tear up my first name and kill it with fire. I always used to mumble when introducing myself because I hated my first name so much. It's funny, some work colleagues are having to learn a "new" name for me right now (it was always on my paperwork) but none of my friends or family ever called me the old name to begin with!

I feel weird about pronouns, though. I hear "sir" or "ma'am" to my face multiple times per day, but rarely hear about myself in third person, so that seems less relevant. It is disconcerting to hear myself referred to as "she". Ugh. I don't feel like insisting on "correct" pronouns from people until I start to pass. I had a friend years ago in a GLBT youth group who transitioned and it was like one day a light switch flipped. So why make your friends, family, colleagues struggle and feel confused until it's time? I do wish the customers would call me "sir" without "correcting" themselves immediately afterwards. Patience--how long will that take? 

PS: I don't jump on people over sir/ma'am or pronouns because years ago when I was a restaurant worker a butch lesbian (I guess?) bit my head off for calling her "sir". I knew she was AFAB but could have easily passed for male in casual contact so I thought that was deliberate? Stupid little FTM me.

PPS: I just remembered that before I started going by my current name I had a different nickname (long story). I had the nickname since childhood so I didn't feel disconnected from it, but when I switched to using my middle name that did feel weird and artificial for a while. I guess I felt amazed that people were actually calling me that. Like I got away with something. It's very comfortable now, though.