So, I am hoping that I can get some discussion and feedback from people here. It has been quite a while, and I have been through some really, really rough life events.
I am recovering from the most difficult health period I have had thus far in my life. It has been both a mix of physical and psychological issues, and has put me out of work since December. I'll give a little timeline of basically what's been going on:
August 15'
Lost my job at the school I worked for. This crushed me severely as it was a job I was supposed to move up in after graduation, but lost due to state budget cuts. Continued to work at my other job for the following months. Increasing depression, despair, hopelessness, which led into the start of events in following months ahead.
November 15'
- Ran away from home into Massachusetts, inflicting heavy self-harm to myself, including blows to my head, body, and exposure to the elements. Hospitalized for a night and discharged.
Had severe seizure lasting 20 minutes (in addition to previous absence seizures I've had before), and spent 4 hours in the ER. Negative CAT scan.
Attempted to carry out more self-harm, and was hospitalized for 4 days in psychiatric unit, discharged
December 15'
Within another week, attempted to carry out suicide attempt, intervened. Hospitalized for another 5 days
Upon discharged, started in 3 weeks of PHP (Partial Hospital Program) intensive therapy
January 16'
After PHP, had more episodes of seizure-like activity
Saw neurologist, had MRI done, revealing 9 areas of small scars in the white matter of my bilateral frontal, occipital, and right temporal lobes.
February 16'
Had 72-hr EEG, and began plans for spinal draw and bloodwork to address neurological problems. Suspected I may have MS or Lyme disease.
Began IOP (intensive outpatient) program in program specifically for transgender and other GLBTQ+ individuals – psychological state beginning to improve
Had a week long psychotic break, resulting in 8 hour hold in an ER, and subsequent intense treatment through IOP to work through delusions and hallucinations
March 16'
- Extensive work with IOP and previous therapy revealed diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains a lot of my erratic and intense behaviors over the years. Stressful but hopeful after this because I can focus treatment on handling the symptoms I have been suffering with.
Had severe depression relapse/suicidal plan attempt, resulting in another 5 day hospitalization. It was likely due to a recent medication change I had. We readjusted it and put me on mood stabilizers, both of which has done significant wonders for my mood and general mental well-being.
I will have a diagnosis soon as far as neurological issues go. I have been working intensely over these last few months to get better, as I have been in debilitating psychological distress over what has been happening. Getting a diagnosis of BPD gave me a massive insight into issues I've been having for years, and one that is allowing me to work in DBT therapy to address them.
I have been given a green light with my significant improvements and work on my well-being for GRS. I am looking forward to doing this, but it will take a lot of time and effort to get my insurance and plans in place.
I am also planning to move abroad in the next year with my fiancée to study for my bachelor degree (and her master's degree). This is due to the difficulties we are facing with the US education system, and we wish to take a new route to achieve our goals. Trying to balance this with GRS plans is going to be very difficult, and one that will test my limits of what I am able to do.
I am finally feeling like I am getting back on track as a result, and want to do the hard work to keep this going. But it is difficult trying to balance two major things—education and GRS—on the same knife. I want to achieve both, but am not sure how this will work out. I hope to also get back to work soon, and am working closely with my boss at my job (who has been great with my medical leave) to continue.
I'm hoping for some general discussion and encouragement from others, as it has been difficult to get during my time visiting the forum in the last few years.
