The longer I've tried to tell myself I can be happy remaining male, the more I dont believe the reasons I give myself

1. What if I find someone special I want to have babies with? - I can freeze my sperm

2. I wont be allowed to compete in most of the sports I love - And? the sports I do are martial arts, and the sport side is only part of it, that and Judo allows transgender fighters here in the UK under specific rules

3. I might get kicked out of my social groups and clubs - why would I want to spend time with biggots?

4. My family wont be happy - They expected me to live for them how they want me to live? That's not living for me and it is my life after all

5. (This is one I definitely found used to bother me most) What about sex? - My sex life has been impossible to enjoy, I dont even feel anything during anything BUT masturbation (where I fantasize, I always have the body I want, not THIS one) and frankly, it's stopped being a big deal to me as my identity and sexuality became more clear to me.

6. Too broad shouldered and hairy - There are women irl with narrower hips and wider shoulders than that wierd photoshop figure, I dont need to be perfect or fit in with other peoples ideas of what I should be

I used to think these were valid reasons not to transition, now I think of them as things I used to hold myself back, wind myself up and hurt my spirit, emotional wellbeing and ruin myself with exhaustion fighting my dysphoria. Im going to see a gender therapist this week, and Im a mix of scared of the diagnosis I may get, and excited at taking the next step in my life

I went through the same process. Same results, too. Good for you, your life is for you and you alone. Don't let others hold you back. I wouldn't dream of holding anyone else back.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There really are people with legitimate reasons, but I think quite a few of us just had excuses and it sounds like that might have been you (I know it was me). 

Good for you!  I just booked my first gender therapy appointment for 04/19.  Frankly, as I sit here typing this, dressed from head to foot in wig, makeup, girl glasses, cute top, skinny jeans, and sandals with heels, I feel quite relieved.

As far as the appearance thing, I've always been an optimist, and when I get fully dressed like this and I look at myself in the mirror, I just like what I see far better than when I am in male mode.  I think that hormones, hair removal and facial surgery would just be the cherry on top of the sundae.

I spent 50 years making excuses. Now I'm transitioning and the excuses are fading away. Now I am happy with myself. Before you decide anything you should read on the "I got cured of my gender issues" thread. Or maybe the "I have been able to hide from my true self and am happy" thread. Oh wait, they don't exist!
I don't know you, but I have all the experience in the world telling me that you owe it to yourself to find out what direction you need to take in life and stop running from yourself. Don't live a life of regret based on being afraid. I so wish you the best!!!!
Moni

Oh yeah! No matter what the "diagnosis" you will feel better having a direction. The wandering is the worst part.
Moni

(Writing this in stream of consciousness mode, with tongue firmly in cheek)

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 29, 2016, 08:32:19 PM
I spent 50 years making excuses. Now I'm transitioning and the excuses are fading away. Now I am happy with myself. Before you decide anything you should read on the "I got cured of my gender issues" thread.

AWESOME! Where's that thread?

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 29, 2016, 08:32:19 PM
Or maybe the "I have been able to hide from my true self and am happy" thread.

OO, Oo, another to look for!!!

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 29, 2016, 08:32:19 PM
Oh wait, they don't exist!
I don't know you, but I have all the experience in the world telling me that you owe it to yourself to find out what direction you need to take in life and stop running from yourself. Don't live a life of regret based on being afraid. I so wish you the best!!!!
Moni

[CENSORED] YOU FOR GETTING MY HOPES UP, MONI!  ;-)

I was so hopeful there for a fraction of a second. That maybe, someone really HAD found ways to deal with their incongruence, aside from transitioning.

On other boards, though, they and I have had similar discussions, that transition is often the least-worst option.
Just thinking back here... I remember dressing up in mom's clothes when I was late teens. I fit then - she's still quite small, and 70+ now. It was awesome.
If the net had been then what it is now...  But who knows, really? We all have our issues, and I think the biggest one I have is fear that it really IS from the wrong causes.
Meaning, it's a dissociative thing more than Gender dissociation. DID, not GID. Miss Regrets has recounted similar; misdiagnosis as TS, and a partial transition, and then "WTF now?" I want to avoid that, especially since I'm NOT feminine, though I am nurturing. Want to be noticed and appreciated, but get tired of the manly every day grind, where no matter the accomplishment, it's "What have you done for me lately?" from all sides.

DID seems like it might be part of things, since I had a dad who was largely absent when I was a kid - he was building his company. He later essentially gave that company away...
but he was the authoritarian and disciplinarian, and coming from Irish peasant stock, fairly "free with his hands," as he put it. Standing up to him could be dangerous. And he was a bully. As if people weren't strange enough to begin with! But there are reasons to not want to be a man (I.E., not be like dad.)

Coupled with all the time spent with mom and her female friends & acquaintances, learning that (female) approval came from outside sources, and from being quiet, patient, polite, I.E. FEMININE....? 

Literally carrot and stick, right?
Couldn't ask for a more perfect storm of things to ensure dissociation. Stunt and devastate the male identity; nurture and grow a female association. Add in that society was constantly doing the same thing, so there's no alternative...? 
That the body is masculine, VERY masculine short of being totally bald? Broad shoulders, enjoy lifting weights? LIKE being strong? (Or is that a reaction to assault, wanting to ensure I won't be assaulted again?)
But I HATE that my "breasts" (In quotes because they're not really developed. But there's real tissue there.) are smaller, since I've been working out properly? I lost 3" across the nipples. Devastating. And the other day, my girlfriend (not an ally, mind) complimented me on my goatee.... And my first thought was to punch her. Because she KNEW, 10 years back, what I was - I told her, point blank. And when moving, she threw out my hormones... And I've talked to her about it several times over the years, among the many problems we've had.... So it's never been off her radar, unless her radar only notices what's important to her. (Likely.)

Those little events and memories are what make me think I would be better off transitioning....
And then there's the holdback of the body, and that orientation (I like women), so... 

Right now, of course, things are going down the drain so fat it makes your head spin. EVERY problem is being solved the wrong way, but a few things - "gun control" (People control), voting - these are on the line right now. So going to a pshrink seems dangerous, in and of itself. I mean, we declare megalomaniacs sane, but anyone who doesn't bend over for "Authority" has a mental disease? (Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Or, Anti-social personality disorder. Or Borderline Personality Disorder. Or any of a number of others! Remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get ya...   And going to school for years with people who did in fact persecute me? NOT reassuring, nor was "Authority's" response - attempting guilt and shame on psychopaths has no effect. Oddly enough, when I DID respond, _I_ was punished. Not shamed, not guilted, punished. Add another mechanism into the mix that makes one wonder, maybe, maybe not, how the F do I figure it out...?)

So, teasing above, but I WAS hopeful for just a few moments...  And you had to go and steal that away!  ;-)

Fourth Turning of a civilization, and an End of Empire phase, and the things I grew up with are considered gauche, to say the least. Women should be manly, men should be "in touch with their feelings," no one seems happy, and the politicos are getting it wrong ON PURPOSE, because it gives them more power, control, and insulation from us great unwashed. And most people don't even want to talk about it...  Cite them facts with references, most shut down; the rest parrot the party line, to the point if Obama and bush did the same thing (as has happened) - BO is OK, but GWB was EVIL because he's not on "our" team. (Or vice-versa talking to the other party's True Believers.)

Leaves one with a sick, reptilian feel in the gut.

And the ONLY thing that seems to have ever helped is Estrogen in one form or another (E.G., Saw Palmetto + Black Cohosh + Red Clover; or, Premarin; or Progynova, and cycle in medroxyprogesterone, I think it was.)
Everything else? Testosterone dominance? It's like running jet fuel in a gasoline engine. You can do it for a while. But then the engine melts and the driver dies a fiery death...

-Dianna

For me it is financial ruin resulting in having to work again (I'm retired), a great difficulty finding a job, universal ridicule, loneliness and pain. The pain of not transitioning is not greater at this point than the pain of transitioning. So there you go. There is pain just inside of me balancing against the pain coming from all around me. Life is balancing. We don't want to go to work, but we have to make a living. We sometimes have to compromise in relationships. We delay gratification to satisfy our larger issues. Being an adult means choices and sometimes they are not easy.

I am happy you are finding your way with the process. Best wishes.

Diana,
    Lol, sorry to get your hopes up! My intention was just to highlight that people's problems don't just disappear. My experience of running from gender issues was a total failure and that sounds pretty common as I look around the boards here. I don't pretend to know the answers for other people. I read Jay's post and it sounded familiar to me. I guess I didn't like the idea of the pain Jay was in being prolonged when maybe some answer could be found to give (her/him/they ?) direction. You took my words the right way, with a sense of humor. From what you said in your post, you sound very complex. It sounds like you have dealt with a lot in your life. I hope you are able to sort things out to the point of finding peace with yourself. I used to think being gender different was a bad thing. I am coming to the conclusion that, however inconvenient it is, it has made me a better person.
Moni
I wish you only the best!

It is extremely difficult for us on our own to see the forest from the trees. Or, the excuses from the reasons. Then add in  our needs or wants which there are usually many conflicts. Then it comes time to set, or even sort out, priorities. The most difficult part of prioritizing is being too rule bound. As you may have noticed, the priorities in your life, as well as needs and wants, are different from those of say 5 years ago. Five years from today, they will likely also be different. Also when prioritizing is the difficulty of separating needs from wants.

Like, you may think you want to transition, but do you need to? Are there alternatives, a sort of middle ground that you can explore that will satisfy to a great extent the conflicts between a fully male or fully female life? Just because you are TG, it is not mandatory to transition. You are more far more then what is between your legs. It is what is between the ears that counts.

While there have been periods when I started filling out the paperwork to the "Transition or Die" club, I haven't mailed in the forms yet. I have many reasons for not transitioning. Many of which can loose their importance overnight as I balance my set of conflicting needs. But then there are "Those" days...... If I did transition many of the "male" things in my life which I greatly value are put at risk, especially long term. These "Things" in their totality, probably account for a good 75% of my self image, whereas gender is far far less (most days). If I loose a good part of that male existence I'll be far far miserable then I am now. To which I have no doubt after living through 5 years of purgatory after loosing a good half.

Only YOU can answer the important questions. Being involved with a TG support group that bares their hearts and souls can help you understand how others felt and what drove them to make the decisions they did. A good gender therapist, even a TG friendly one, will likely ask you the questions you don't want to ask yourself or never thought of. Voicing answers to question that you have asked yourself take on a whole new meaning when you hear yourself answer them.

I've been struggling with the need vs want or reasons vs excuses conundrums for a good 7 years now. It is the stuff hangovers are made of. However, at the end of the day, I have absolutely no doubt that where I am TODAY, both physically and emotionally, is a far far better place I was living the same male life I am today.  Today is not the right time for me to take the risk, no matter how low it really may be. I do not Need to transition, today. But rest assure, if I am sure I do need to, I will