I don't know who else to ask. The one I have at dialysis is terribly limited in what she can do and her resources. Someone please help me. My dad pushed my buttons so hard today that I am not only having suicidal ideations but they are homicidal too. I want to run away, but that's a stupid idea cause I won't have nowhere to go. Everything I do feels stupid. It's hard to think positively of myself when I live with someone who keeps telling me I can't do anything right. Posting this is probably pointless but I got nothing else better to do than to die....or do schoolwork so I can make a way out of here. I just wish it could happen overnight.

I just want to sleep forever and never ever wake up!

King Phoenix, I would love to be able to help you more with this but much of it depends on your situation in being able to point you towards another. It's standard procedure for a the place your having dialysis at to put a medical social worker/ case manger over your case to coordinate your care. In regards to those that do that, you would need to speak with the dialysis place to get a different one put in charge of your case. Hugs
Mariah

I don't know what to do anymore. Tried everything I could think of. I want it to stop. All of it!

I can understand that King Phoenix, but obviously whoever is in charge of your case isn't getting all your needs met. As to why that it is, I don't know. I do know that the best way to fix this is to let that place know so they try and fix what is wrong. I wish I had more for you at this point, but without knowing much makes it difficult to pin point more direct help. Hugs
Mariah

Not even sure what the point of posting this was. Not like someone can wave a magical wand and make me a woman. Not like someone can wave a magical wand and make it to where I don't seem retarded when I sweat blood and cry tears to make someone understand the words coming out of my mouth. Even if I did get the help I required, I wouldn't know where to go from there. So what if I managed to get on T? So what if I manage to live on my own and be independent? This life means absolutely nothing to me!

I live in a world where everyone in my personal life is against me whether actively or passively. In the end, no one who knows me personally wants me to succeed. If this were not so, why else am I still losing in life? Everyone seems to have it out for me, except you guys. But I don't know any of you personally....You guys give out awesome advice and suggestions bu they only get me so far. I want to sleep my life away. I just wanna play video games until I die. But even that gets hard to do after a while because I lose my will, my drive to do anything. I just become this sac of **** that ain't about nothing and won't ever be about nothing!

I feel like I am living in a rerun. Not sure I can take this anymore. I'm thinking about doing things to my dad that will put me in jail. But they won't be able to cause I'll be gone before they can. I am tired of this life. This is too much for me to handle. I am a little boy operating an adult alien body of a woman. I hate whoever caused this to befall me! I hate my mom and I hate my dad for (not Allowed) each other and creating me just to live such a miserably useless existence of nothingness!