After days, weeks, months, and almost a year I'm thinking about giving everything up.  I think I'm gonna go ahead not ever transition, since I can't get access to see a doctor, and just go ahead and live the rest of my days miserable like society wants me to. I'm just gonna go ahead and just give up and sit around and do nothing until I'm miserable enough to go ahead and take my own life.  My parents don't give a crap about me and everyone that does support aren't in any kind of position to help me.  Even the simplest jobs are impossible to get where I live and that includes mcdonalds.  So yeah I'm just gonna do nothing and wait till I have the guts to finally kill myself and end my miserable existence since the U.S. hates us and nobody wants to help.

Wow its your life to do with as you please was bothered by a comment you made that the US hates us.
I'm from the USA, and I don't hate no one!!
Sounds like you got some anger issues.
Sorry for that have no advice for someone who has thrown the towel in.
I strongly believe that there are thangs in this world worth  fighting for.
It all depends on how bad you want them.
DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE THEY ARE MADE TRUE
It's not easy to climb up the mountain, but one step at a time and you will get there

I apologize for that last comment I'm not an angry person just depressed

And I live in Tennessee

Why are you so down. Isn't something in life worth living for? I don't understand why you are so depressed.
Don't let this world drag you down make it what you want it to be
Doctors are almost every wear what makes your place so remote?

I'm down because I live every day feeling dysphoric and powerless to do anything about it.  I can't move out from my unaccepting parents despite all efforts and energy to get a job to support myself it's like nothing wants to give the time of day to hire me even mcdonalds won't and I'm not lying about that.  The worst of it is my family's rejection they refuse to love me as their daughter so any support from them is out of the question and that means I can't use my family's insurance plan to get on hormones even if I tried. 

Also I face getting kicked out in May which means I'm gonna be homeless soon and nowhere to go except under a highway bridge probably since the area I live has no shelters unless I can hitchhike to Nashville.  Healthcare in this country is impossible to get access to unless you either have a good job or lots of money so getting hormones is still gonna be out of the question. 

Sorry I feel this way but when everything is against you it's impossible to stay positive and be happy

I can see how the deck is stacked against you, but your not alone or the only one who has parents that will not except them for who they are.
I told my dad that I live as a girl got told you are making a big mistake, and was You listen here you will always be my son do you understand that! ! Refuses to look at the pictures as me as a girl.
We so far we haven't spoke again to each other.
I'm almost 47 I didn't start living as a girl full time until January of this year, and I new I was different at 7.
I wanted to be a girl then everything happens for a reason and maybe as bad as I want it something in life wasn't ready for that, and even though you want to change it sounds like you're not ready, but don't give up because one day you will be ready in life.
It's not a cheap road I'm having to pay cash I work alot but the company I work for doesn't carry insurance, and I work 55 hours a week been there for 17 years.
I'm not a religious person, but I do believe  God never gives you more than you can handle.
You sound a little young that's not a bad thing it's kinda of good because it sounds like you know what you want to be come.
Keep that iron in the fire, but tend to more important thangs in your life you need to get a job doesn't matter what kind of job realize this the road you want you have to pave it with money it's not given or grows on trees.
Figuring how you are going to pay for all this, and what can be done to make money should be your #1 iron do for your self that's what I'm doing, and if I don't do it doesn't get done I'm doing this with no help no one but my self.
You need to get your life on track before transitioning it will work no other way, and you have to figure that out I can't do it for you

Depression is pretty rough.  I can't tell you any surefire way to get rid of it, its always here for me (I don't think its as bad for me, but I wanna try to help).  What do you do physically?  I've managed to at least get out of bed by jogging (I'm still pretty overweight though, oh well).  Sometimes it feels pretty worthless, but sometimes it helps.  Once I started doing that for a while, I started taking stuff out of my diet and that helps sometimes a little bit too.  It feels like treating the symptoms instead of actually taking the problem head on, but sometimes its all you can do.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 30, 2016, 09:04:01 PM
Sorry I feel this way but when everything is against you it's impossible to stay positive and be happy

You're right btw, I'd imagine you can't just stay positive and happy, but its not permanent either.  Another thing that sometimes helps, I don't try to just not be depressed, that always just makes me feel soooo much worse.  Realize that you're in your situation and you're only human, not a freakin wizard. 

And I think Kulena is right about getting on track beforehand, I mean, you can only do so much.  Maybe you should figure out if transitioning is a goal that helps you stay motivated or if it causes despair.  If you think it stresses you out more, maybe think about changing it to be less stressful.  (On the otherhand, if you think it actually helps right at this moment, by all means, take any positive you can  )  Although I wouldn't say stressing to get a job is actually gonna help you get a job, just do what you can, when you can. 

I hope you don't think I'm patronizing or anything, its hard to imagine being in your situation, but I didn't want to stay silent either...

Going to Nashville might actually be a good idea.  They do have an LGBT center there and transgender support.  http://www.outcentral.org/resources/tennessee-transgender-support#.Vvy3TXog6So

Why do you think you will be made homeless soon?

Also, I don't exactly know your parents and can't say for sure but just because they don't accept you as their daughter doesn't mean they don't care about you. Sounds like they're like 95% of parents, going through denial and scared of what you might do so resisting with all their stubborn might. Like I say, I could be right off the mark but it could be worth exploring the possibility of getting your depression dealt with on their healthcare. Tell them you are very depressed, that you are having thoughts about death and want to see someone about it. See where that gets you.

Until you at least start to get your depression under control you're unlikely to be able to move forward in a positive and constructive way.

Quote from: keira166 on March 30, 2016, 10:20:04 PM
What do you do physically?

To be more specific I'm a college student trying to work toward getting a four year degree not just for better job options but also as a life fulfillment.  I do have a two year degree already in General Studies and want to turn that into a four year after failing my entry level classes to become an elementary teacher and yeah my parents are paying tuition out of pocket, without me ever asking them to and I guess that proves they still love me somewhat, though they still think I'm going into teaching. And why General Studies? Because all the majors that matter in today's job market require alot of hard math that even a tutor couldn't help me get better at. Truth be told I'm not good at anything beyond map reading.  Before going to community college I had a job where the work was fast paced and as much as I tried to get good at it I wasn't cut out like the only thing I had going was a good attitude and work ethic but unfortunately I still got fired after six months.  Last year in the summer I had another job doing something different but was fast paced yet again and got let go after only two months.  Sadly as far was job skills go all I have is good work ethic and sadly that doesn't prevent one from being fired.

Quote from: keira166 on March 30, 2016, 10:20:04 PM
Maybe you should figure out if transitioning is a goal that helps you stay motivated or if it causes despair. 

The best way I can put it is that I've been socially transitioning for the time being but I'm ready to be completely full time and that's the cause of any despair I have the fact I'm unable to get hormones and be the girl I'm truly am is upsetting and it only makes things worse when the things that can help make that possible don't work out and causes me to be stuck in an inescapable cycle.

Quote from: keira166 on March 30, 2016, 10:20:04 PM
I hope you don't think I'm patronizing or anything

Nah you're fine I see that you're reaching out and I appreciate it

Quote from: CarlyMcx on March 31, 2016, 12:40:46 AM
Going to Nashville might actually be a good idea.  They do have an LGBT center there and transgender support.  http://www.outcentral.org/resources/tennessee-transgender-support#.Vvy3TXog6So

Will they help with financial support??

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 31, 2016, 02:35:50 AM
Why do you think you will be made homeless soon?

I'm not doing well in my classes and the fact I'm don't wanna be a teacher anymore.  When my dad finds out he's gonna be soooo furious and fed up with me still living at home he's gonna kick me out and I've already been threatened before I know for sure this time it's written in stone.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 31, 2016, 02:35:50 AM
Tell them you are very depressed, that you are having thoughts about death and want to see someone about it. See where that gets you.

I already tried this route and they're not the type to take me to see a professional.  All they did was simply try to cheer me up and I just pretend I'm better.

I just need to face the fact I'm never gonna afford hrt and never gonna live life as a woman full-time 

Don't even know why I bother trying nothing I've done/tried for the past 10 months has worked out for the better. Still can't get a job, still stuck with parents who are unaccepting, the support network I do have can't help, and I don't understand why we have healthcare when it's unaffordable.

You're how old? Unless you're in your 80s or 90s "never" is a very long time. You have no idea what is just around the corner that could change everything. The biggest mistake that depressed people make is that believing NOW will be what their life will be like forever, and that is never the case. Whether it gets better or worse is up to many different forces and events, some that you have control over and some that you do not - put as much effort into making sure you have as much control over your life as you can and things will change for the better when they do change.

I've been where you are. Tried to kill myself with crack cocaine. If I was going to go I was going to be on top of the world.  Then one night at Huntington Beach my then 14 month old son began to walk along the bike path. His first long distance walk. I decided there and then what my higher power is. Thirty years later my son and I are as close as ever.  I guess the suggestion is, it's not about you. The sooner you realize, the happier you will be. If you can't even get a job at McDonald's why are you not in school trying for something better? There is a way out where you are there at the end. Start with loving yourself for all your quirks. It does not make you weird. It makes you unique. Good luck and Don't give up. One last suggestion. Your parents decided the path they wanted to travel and thus far they have. Time to start living your life

I felt much the same way. I finished my degree and worked for a while until I started my transition. Had it not been for my education and work experience, it would have been so much more difficult. It all worked out.

Quote from: DawnOday on April 01, 2016, 07:01:56 PM
If you can't even get a job at McDonald's why are you not in school trying for something better?

I'm currently in school and I have a two year degree since May of last year.  Right now I'm trying to figure out what I want to major in for a four year.  I was wanting to be a teacher but I now realize that's not for me either just like alot of other stuff I've tried. As I've said before there's not a lot I'm good and the skills needed to get a decent job nowadays I don't have the aptitude for. I'm not good at math and science and I'm a crappy writer barely make C's when I have to write a paper.  The only real skill I have is map reading.

Your other skill seems to be an aptitude at putting yourself down and undervaluing yourself. If you believe you are not good at something you want to do you need to figure out how to improve that, or what you can do instead. But don't sell yourself short otherwise you've defeated yourself before you even get started.

How do I become skilled to get a job??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on April 01, 2016, 07:35:52 PM
How do I become skilled to get a job??

You go to school. You go to a tech training center. You get work and stick with it. You build a career getting as much experience as you can in your area of expertise.

I've met many people who have no idea what they want to do. Surgery seems to be the only goal. And dysphoria drives that, to be sure. But you must figure out what you are going to do after surgery. Why not work on that part now? Life will not drop a bundle of money in your lap after your transition. Nor will Prince Charming scoop you off your feet. That means you work on it now in parallel with your surgery/transition plans.

You figure out what you want to do and make a plan on how to get there. Talk to school counselors, teachers, professionals in the field of  your choice. Ask questions, write down their answers, and make a plan to get there. Then you do it. And as far as that goes.... we have lots of very professional people here in many fields. We are all happy to help. But the first step is up to you.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 01, 2016, 08:04:12 PM
You go to school. You go to a tech training center.

And if I'm not cut out for those then what??  I'm already trying those and it isn't working out.

I did crap jobs my entire life , but I'm still alive and transitioning at 64.