Quote from: PrincessButtercup on March 14, 2016, 02:42:02 PM
I feel I'm about to become very unpopular, but I've been holding this back for sometime and my therapist says I need to work on expressing my thoughts and feelings better so here goes...

If we all could love the person regardless of gender, we'd all be bisexual - but we aren't, and just as you want the world to accept you for being trans, us SO's who happen to be very heterosexual, would really appreciate it if you could accept us hetero wives for what we are - women who like our men.
[...]
On the topic of gender, if gender made up such a small percentage of a person's overall persona, then why do transgender people transition? You do it because you want the world to perceive you how you perceive yourselves and you want to be happy with your life. The same holds true for many of us SO's - we like a particular gender, it's what drew us to our partner in the first place. To ask us to change is no different than telling some one who's transgender that they should tough it out - again, it's a double standard and it's wrong no matter which group gets the benefit from it.
[...]

I have to agree with this, and it's where I part ways with the political left's supposed tolerance. (Not going into politics though.) If there's no real difference between man and woman, and no real difference between masculine and feminine, we could all save ourselves a lot of heartache and soul-searching and just wear different clothing.

Doesn't work that way, of course.  :-)
I think most of us like the differences, too. And I believe that there's a biological reason, and we just don't yet know it. But in new-agey terms, people look for a complement. Masculine wants feminine, and vice-versa, for the most part. Like poles of a magnet, North and South come together, but same poles repulse each other.

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on March 14, 2016, 02:42:02 PM
In that same thought, how is it acceptable for 90% of the SO hetero CIS women to be told we need to work on accepting the person we love regardless of them transitioning to the opposite gender, while in other parts of this very forum, many trans people are talking about how, for example a MtF previously was only attracted to women, but after transitioning and HRT, is now only attracted to men (or the opposite for FtMs) - no one tells them they should love the person and not the gender. This is what we call a double standard and, regardless of the situation, a double standard is just a BS way of saying I want my cake and eat it too, but you can't have both.

I believe (getting on my own asbestos undies) that this is a very feminine mindset. This is the wrong place for details, but it's why traditionally, women were seen as more child-like even when grown.
I agree it is NOT acceptable.
That also goes against there being an actual double standard, though. E.G., in divorce, if he was cheating, he's a horrible person, selfish, philanderer...    If she was cheating? He couldn't get the job done at home, she was unfulfilled, she had to meet her needs...  Etc.  She is forgiven, he is berated, no matter what. I find that disgusting, too.
I have a certain caveat to it, though, in that people DO change. When I met the current girlfriend, she knew about me before she moved in (a decade ago now.) She threw out my hormones when we moved. She's not comfortable with any feminine behavior on my part.
Well, she's gotten decidedly more aggressive and controlling.
So, the converse there is: Should I, who am attracted to a feminine complement (and born male), simply keep supporting her indefinitely? I slept in a separate room for a while, because I was worried she'd try to harm me. But she wants a MANLY man...  So, what, was I supposed to hit her? (Man = bad guy, right away, right?) 

I can empathize and sympathize with you, but politely point out that it can happen even without this major upset. If my woman decides she wants to be a woman, but act like a man, I believe I have the right to negotiate the end of the relationship. I believe she does, too, but doubt her efficacy in seeing or questioning the situation. Your mileage may vary; you're here, asking questions, and that will help. You mentioned a therapist, but there are good and bad ones out there. Might be worth it to look around again...  And keep venting, definitely, and mostly in private (includes here, but the privacy thing is a big deal - keep your identity a secret on the home PC, that sort of thing. I had a time period where my emails, phone, facebook, etc, were all hacked because she was bored. So you can hopefully understand I am a bit cautious, and I advise you from experience.)

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on March 14, 2016, 02:42:02 PM
Okay, I'm off my soap box and looking for my flame retardant underwear because I feel I'm going to need them.

You and me both, miss! ;-) 
This is a very rough topic. At 40, I'm still clueless, and find all sorts of reasons I SHOULD have...  If Only... And my woman is there, I keep telling her she's an FTM in all but actions... Maybe I'm biased, I've sent her links to support forums and the like, and her answer is always to see a pshrink. For ME, mind, bot for her, she's not been going for a VERY long time. (Longer than we've been together.)
But if you want to be bossy, nasty, aggressive...  And you know I am who and what I am, and why (assaults, abuse) - do you REALLY want to be in my face all the time? 
OK, she's said she's straight, and if I transition, she's gone. But since she's acting this way...   How is it a threat, you understand my meaning?

For you, all I can do is empathize, offer an ear.  And since I'm sort of on the other side of the fence here, I don't even know if that's a help. But you're hardly alone, and I think most of us, on either side, would be happy to help.

Please feel free to vent, if it helps you.
-Dianna